Awkward

I have been trying very hard to hit the gym at school on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I have a nice block of time to play with and can swim laps or do some biking/running bricks in prep for the Fall Moment of Insanity.

Last week a student of mine from Summer Semester signed in at the pool right before I did. Luckily I didn't see her. It would have been weird, I thought.

Today as I came out of the shower and started dressing (I am very proud of the fact that I can now undress and dress in the locker room without hiding in a bathroom stall. Bravery!) I noticed that the woman standing right next to me is a student in Tuesday/Thursday morning class. We were both topless.

So that happened.

Votes for Women!

I know most of you aren't watching or listening, but last night Hillary Clinton gave an amazing speech at the Democratic National Convention. She was funny, and touching, and tough, and proud, and perfect. I listened on the radio and had tears in my eyes more than once.

I love this woman. And although I was not in favor of her running for president (I just think people who dislike her do so so strongly that it would be insurmountable in a general election), last night I felt a strong sense of having missed out on something great here.

Here's to the 18 million cracks she put in the ceiling.

Our daughters' daughters' will adore us.
And they'll sing in grateful chorus:
Well done! Sister Suffragettes!

Starving Student

While waiting for my TRAX line to rumble by...

I jumped into the street to pick up a quarter on the southbound TRAX line. Then I found two pennies - smashed to bits - on the northbound line. I picked them up. As I jumped back onto the platform a gentleman tapped me on the shoulder. I took out my headphones and he said in a concerned voice,
"Miss? Are you trying to collect enough change to buy a ticket?"

People here are really nice.

Well That Simplifies Things?

Many of you may be aware that I rarely see movies in the theater. A combined 23 years of Blockbuster Video employment resides in my house and we just can't stomach the high ticket price and not being able to pause to use the restroom. We usually wait for the DVD. Exceptions to this rule: certain musicals and action epics. Notably, I saw Mama Mia twice (July). Before that, Indiana Jones (July [Mr. Eris' b-day], Sex and the City (May), and Hairspray (July, 2007). I usually have my two or three theater movies picked out each year and wait patiently for them.

Hence my chagrin at this news. November 21st seemed like forever to wait for more of the Weasley twins! Now, it's July 17, 2009?!?! WTF?! I cannot wait that long. ~Yes, I know I am a geek.~

Alas, somewhere the movie gods still love me. If you read to the very bottom of the article it states that Twilight, as a result of this HP bump (?) has been moved from December 12th to November 21st. Acceptable. And now I only have to pay for one more movie in 2008 .... although I may have to see it more than once.

Threat Level "Red"

I will not negotiate with a terrorist. My baby sleepover time has been hijacked by a Looney-loving, pixelated, coin collector. Now, instead of a blue-eyed princess playing with the little Ms.es I get the key to the house and a map to the dog food. This is unacceptable.

Even better? I recently found out that this same individual has initiated contact with not only the Duchess, but Athena as well. The goddess of war?! What else could she have in mind than a full attack? Well, I have my emergency kits and food supply. Bring it on! So, my internet freedom lovers: Are you with me or against me?

Bids are now being accepted for my "Mission Accomplished" banner. Submit via email.

Horatio

My first car was a 1988 Geo Metro. It was gray with a kick-ass stereo and TWO OPTIONAL CUP HOLDERS! That was pretty big back then. I loved this car. It took me to school every morning for practice or early morning seminary. It took me to and from work at the Blockbuster. It did this all taking two weeks to use up a tank of gas. I have so many fond memories of this car...

1. My 1993 boyfriend lived in Holliday and I lived in Ogden. I could drive to his house 3 times in one week, in addition to my regular activities, on one tank of gas.

2. The speaker box was stolen out of the back one night. When the speaker was returned and the car repaired I installed a body guard: a cardboard cut-out of Wesley Snipes' head from the Sugar Hill standee. It rocked - and no one ever messed with the Big H again.

3. The Numismatist once found my 1994 boyfriend's boxers under the passenger seat. "Do you want to explain this?" It was a very innocent and boring explanation and she bought it. How pathetically lame was I?

4. Horatio survived a car accident in 1993, only to be taken too soon in 1994 by a driver who turned left in front of me. We knew it was time to pull the plug when we realized the clutch was stuck into the floor board. I miss him every day, especially at the gas pump.

Done. And done.

It is over.

I loved it.

You may now begin to fight over who gets my copy tomorrow.

I will accept bribes.

Oh. My. Heck.

12:20 - Book in hand.
12:30 - Reading. Not what I expected, at all.
3:30 - Rest for sleep.
8:12 - Up again.

--Don't call or visit. I'll come out when I'm done. --

My 300zx

My Loving Wife asked me the other day if I am having a mid-life crisis. Yesterday Mr. Eris asked me if the Duchess was concerned that I met someone else (as was her first concern after Mr. bleached his hair). I am starting to wonder about this myself. You see, I have been going through some changes lately...

1. I started trail running five weeks ago (yes, I remember the number of weeks, it's been that good). Running is something I have never enjoyed and always swore I would never do unless something very dangerous was chasing me and now I am running four days a week.

2. This running is taking place at 6 a.m. I have always been a firm believer that the only 6 o'clock God actually intended humans to experience was the one in the afternoon and have studiously avoided the one in the morning. Now I am experiencing it - and running at the same time.

3. I have registered for a triathlon. I am now using a training program to subject myself to daily physical pain in the hope that I will be able to participate in an organized event designed to cause me physical pain. And I paid money and will drive to St. George to do it!

4. Yesterday I ate my breakfast at 8 a.m. Not completely unheard of, but wait: it was Cascadian Farms Organic Maple Oat cereal with soy milk. What?! Granted this is for my diet to keep my stomach from killing me in an inside job, but still. Three years ago my daily routine involved a bagel and a 32 oz. Pepsi.

5. This one's the kicker: I have never read fantasy or fiction, really, and enjoyed it much. Harry Potter was a fluke, I figured. But now, this summer, I have gotten hooked on Victorian love stories, an alien invasion thriller, and a teenage vampire/werewolf love triangle! I started, but have not finished Al Gore's "An Assault on Reason."

This is not me. I cannot explain it, but somehow in the last six weeks I have become a completely different Eris. Please, just somebody stop me before I get my red sports car and leather jacket.

Bears beats Battlestar Gallactica!

3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510.

Yes, my friends, that is pi truncated to the 50th decimal (man, wikipedia is awesome) entered here using my new 10-key pad lovingly purchased by Athena. Oh, I love the 10-key!

Confession and a Welcome

This morning I slept in. Late. I decided to skip my run and stay in bed. Hey! I'm going camping tonight and my running buddy (R.B.) and I have already made plans to try out a new trail up there, so it's not like I'm cheating or anything. Right?

The whole time I vascillated between getting up or not I knew that I would feel guilty if I stayed in bed. I just got of the phone with R.B. and she said she found this awesome new trail with lots of steep climbs and big rocks... damnit! I missed it and I feel horrible that she had to run alone this morning.

I swear I'm not skipping another day unless I have the flu or something. The guilt and envy are killing me!

And now, a welcome: Athena has started a blog. This is very cool for several reasons. First, I can't wait to see how many consecutive posts she can incorporate the f-word (I have often suspected this would be the basis of a fun drinking game). Second, I am super impressed with her address: warandorder. Very her. And finally, there are very few experiences in life I had before she did, except hitting 5'4" of course, and so it's nice for me to watch her enter this new stage of womanhood. Welcome to you, Athena. Now go forth and gripe!

The Bicycle Has It Easy

I am trying to plan a girl's night out with my mother and some friends. I have been waiting breathlessly for Mama Mia! as I am both ape-crazy in love with Pierce Brosnan and Colin Firth and I love ABBA music. (This movie is a sing-along experience right?)

Anyway, Mrs. Dub and I are struggling with finding babysitters: she because her parents are out of town, and me because my usual babysitter is going to the movie with me. Oh, and both of our husbands will be at poker night. So here's the question: why is it our plans that have to be tentative pending childcare? Why do the boys get their monthly boy's night out (in fact they get TWO!) with no concern for babysitting, but when we want to go to a movie for the second time in a year ~gasp!~ we have to be in charge of this?

Gloria Steinham had it half right, except at least I could get around town on a bicycle.

But I Get the Dog

Apparently Mr. Eris has created a scandal. It is all over town and the only thing anyone is talking about. I have decided to address this now so you can all hear (read) the story and enjoy it with me. Yes, he bleached his hair.

Our neighbor across the street cuts hair - ours included. She has been bleaching her husband's hair for 3 years and has been begging Mr. Eris to let her do his for months. Last Monday he went for a haircut and came home.... blonde. I was shocked. It's like I sent out Mr. Big and got back Lance Bass. I prefer the brown and have been nudging, nagging, etc. him to grow it out longer. The salt & pepper hair he has is very sexy and I want it long enough to come back a bit, and to hang on to, and to run my fingers thr.. sorry.

But I digress. At the risk of sounding hypocritical, I don't like this male hair color thing. Brad Pitt started this mess with his matching highlights at his wedding and it's just gotten silly. I like to change my hair color often, but I believe it is a woman's right - not a man's.

So, to answer your questions about the hair (and yes, these are actual questions I have gotten):
1. No, it was not my idea.
2. No, I don't hate it. But I don't love it either.
3. No, I do not know what his mother thinks about it and I don't care.
4. Hmmm. That's something to think about. Maybe he is gay.
5. No, I do not think he is having an affair. And if he is, that's fine, he just has to remember the rule in our marriage: the one who cheats/leaves takes the kids. I'm not raising your offspring while you're off with your new girlfriend. You can find a bachelor pad big enough for all four of you!

Surrender

I did it. I turned on the air conditioning in my house today for the first time. Last night it was 90 degrees and I couldn't sleep. If only I had a sexy vampire in bed next to me - that would have made it all better.

Who's Laughing Now?

Ok, this is a judgemental post full of my own self-congratulations, so consider yourself warned. Many of you may know I used to teach Gospel Doctrine class at my LDS ward. This was fun for me as I: 1. don't know the first thing about technical gospel doctrine; and B. enjoyed making up my own doctrine. Take your pick on which one got me released. Personally, I think it was the fact that I didn't let the bishop attend my class.

The last week of the year I did a Bible trivia game based on the stories and lessons we had had through the previous year. I used scripture references to back up my questions, and some of them had come to my attention through non-LDS websites. I DID NOT QUOTE ANY NON-LDS SCRIPTURE OR REFERENCE IN MY CLASS.

After this game, a member of the Sunday School Presidency (a freshly minted return missionary about 22 years-old) came up to me and lectured me on using non-church authorized lessons or sources. Let me point out this was an extra week for which there was no lesson in the manual! I took it in stride then spent the next few weeks trying to make his head explode when I blinked at church.

Cut to tonight: Scout dinner at the church. This young man attended with a woman I assume is his girlfriend. She brought a card game to play at the table. By herself. The cards all had heads on them. The game was called "Guillotine" and had a little guillotine to put on the table.

Mr. Eris got a real kick out of it. I was non-plussed until the game turned up missing and they had to announce over the microphone that they had misplaced a card game called "Guillotine" sometime during the dinner. I'm still giggling.

Can I Get an Amen?!

I have a favorite bra. It is the Full Coverage bra from Victoria's Secret. Every year in December I buy two of this bra with my birthday coupon from VS. I love this bra.

Last year when I went in to buy my bra I got the bad news: discontinued. NOOOOOOOO! I was devastated. They showed me the new style and I bought it. I hate it. It has too much padding and is designed to push the ladies up and to the center, thus creating copious cleavage in the form of a third breast right in the middle of my chest. Mr. Eris likes the bra. I hate it. I want to set it on fire and dance around it - bra-less.

On Saturday I was at the mall (a place I never go). They have remodeled our VS so I decided to drop in and see how it looks. Holy Crap!!! My bra is back!!! I was so excited I almost cried - seriously. I went in the dressing room and tried it on and there in the mirror were my two breasts. Perfectly supported and happy as ever. Ah, the joy of a perfect bra.

I drove to a different mall so I could have two. Thank you, VS, for bringing back my bra.

A Good Night

Today I went Father's Day shopping for Mr. Eris. We got some good stuff - mostly functional, but one fun DVD. While shopping I decided to indulge in some DVDs for the family. I believe firmly that our children should be exposed to all the classics, in order for them to become well-rounded and informed citizens. We brought them home and watched them immediately, with dinner in between. Yes, my children have now seen The Goonies and Gremlins.

Then, as a reward for Mr. Eris's hard work at work this week (including some late nights working from home) I made milkshakes. Oreo milkshakes. My neighbor really loves those, so I made one for her too. Then I got creative and made a soyshake. I recently discovered that soy ice cream tastes like cookie dough, so I was feeling brave. I enjoyed a chocolate and peanut butter soyshake - and it was GOOD!

Drill This... and Other Stuff

Ok, it's time for just a hodge-podge of rants and other goings on in the mind and life of Eris:

1. The Prez gave a press conference today in which he acknowledged how tough it is for Americans to have to pay so much for gas. His solution? Drilling in ANWAR and the continental divide. Um, let me get this straight: you've had 7 years to do something about the environment and the predicted energy crisis and you spent it a. denying global warming was happening; b. pushing BS like the "Clear Skies Inititative (Orwell would have been so proud); c. bullying the EPA into unwise policies; and d. telling the world to take Kyoto and shove it - and now you're going to solve it with ANWAR, an area that will yield minimal oil at best and would destroy an ecosystem?! Holy buckets, is it January yet?

2. Spoke in church yesterday - the importance of using your mind and your faith together to inform your testimony and actions in the world. My grandma claims she only understood half of it... and I'm waiting for a call from the Bishop to schedule my hearing.

3. Little Mr. Eris is at Lagoon with a friend today. First time without the 'rents. (His friends' 'rents are there, but it's not the same.) So big!

4. The Numismatist finished Twilight yesterday so I picked it up and took her New Moon. She started last night. I'm not proud to admit this, but I already read Twilight again since she gave it back at 4 yesterday. I think it's time for an intervention or detox or something. But ice cream social, look out!

5. Meemoo's folks are celebrating the big three-oh. They are my favorite toilet family and this marriage brought me one of my most inappropriate adolescent crushes (cousin Clay) so I'm all about the celebratin'!

6. My foot is asleep.

Eris's Secret Life of Crime

Today I left the house in a hurry. I forgot my wallet... which means I rode FrontRunner and TRAX all the way from Ogden to the U and then back again without my U Transit Pass.

Is it time for an intervention?

B.F.F.

Today I joined the Duchess and 8 of her closest friends for SATC the movie. It was awesome - great plot twists and very true to the characters from the series. But SATC is not the subject of this post. The Duchess is. Prepare yourselves, the gushing is about to begin.

Six years ago I walked into one of my last undergraduate classes at WSU and was much dismayed to find that the professor was my age and about a half-foot shorter than I. I doubted her ability to teach me anything, she was so young! But she did teach me. A LOT. Not only in class, but in her work with extracurricular groups in the department. She advised to try graduate school - an option I had never considered to be open for me (graduate school is for smart people).

We got to know each other outside of school at Democrat stuff. I will admit I sat by her mostly so I could sneak closer looks at her husband, but then I found that I genuinely liked her. I could look past her lack of appreciation for Neil Diamond and Steven Tyler. I could even forgive her for being a Yankees fan. We became friends.

We bonded and soon she was the Numismatist's favorite daughter. I am ok with that. The Duchess looks more like my Utah family than I do, anyway, and Athena and I are resigned to the fact that we are now part of a trio. I like to think that in the past 5 years, she has become family. We have been through a lot together and I wouldn't trade her for anything. When something exciting happens, I want to tell her. When I need advice, I ask her. And I like that our daughters are growing up together.

Anyway, as I drove home today I realized how happy I am to know that we are friends. I look forward to sharing many more movies and books and religious discussions and bbqs and poker nights with the Duchess. She is my fancy-pants friend and I would be lost without her.

Conceptualize That

Ok, this has been bugging me for a long time but I drove by it again and you guys are now going to hear about it. The billboard on Riverdale Road that says "Teens who abstain are more likely to reach their full potential" has got to go. There are two reasons this bugs me:

1. I live in the heart of Weber County, which just happens to have an astronomical teen pregnancy rate. So what do the all-knowing white guys in charge do? They spend a million bucks on abstinence only billboards and junk. Great idea. I'll bet that's going to work like a charm because the past 10 years of abstinence only education has sure been successful!

2. Maybe I've been spending too much time talking with academics and discussing the proper way to conduct research and present your findings, but can you answer this: How in the world would anyone know if a teen has reached their "full potential"?! This is a concept that is not definable and therefore, not measurable. And I can't help but wonder about those millions of kids out there who have already had sex and now are just never going to reach their "full potential." May as well have a baby, get a job at the Common Cents and move in to a trailer park, because once you do it your potential is gone forever, just like your virginity and any chance you had at heaven.

Seriously, is it just me?

Put it in Writing

I finished book three of the Twilight series today. Yeah, I started book one on Friday night and am now done with all of them. I am going through such serious withdrawls (since finishing at 1!) that I have been actively stalking the author and the movie online. I have problems.

Good news from the stalking front though, Stephenie Meyer has posted the first chapter of Edward's version of Twilight on her website. Um, it's on my desktop now, so I can read it later tonight after I do my regular stuff.

In short: Duchess, call ASAP as we have much to discuss - including our date on December 12 to see the movie. And, I believe you and your little friend who started this whole obsession owe Mr. Eris an apology for getting me hooked on this.

You Should See the Other Guy

This is what came home from school today. The Little Mr. fell off his scooter, but luckily his face broke the fall.

UPDATE: Tonight Mr. and I looked at the helmet Little Mr. was wearing today. There are big scrapes on the outer shell and the foam on the inside is dented at least 1/4 inch, if not more. This means three things: first, he is not riding his scooter tomorrow because we have to get a new helmet; second, he will take the helmet to school tomorrow to show his class why you wear a helmet; and third, we are very lucky to not be at the hospital tonight. ~grateful sigh~

Hurry Home, Athena!

We have moved the Little Ms.es downstairs to what used to be the office (or the video game room if you asked Little Mr.). We will be painting for the next couple of days and teaching Littlest Ms. to sleep in a big girl bed. I cried last night when we took the crib down - what is that all about?

But most importantly, this means I have a beautiful new office upstairs with oodles and gobs of shelf space. Athena, there are books to categorize and alphabetize! There file cabinets to rearrange! There is furniture to be perfectly centered against the wall and placed evenly spaced apart. And then I will sit in the big comfy chair and bask in the glow of the symmetry and order.

aaaaaaaaaaahh......

CARRIER

I am a NAVY Brat. Born on a NAVY base, I don't think you get much brattier than that. I used to have a sweatshirt that proudly advertised this fact. Lately, not so much about the bragging about it. Long story.

Little Mr. and I have become completely engrossed in CARRIER, a 10-part documentary on the USS Nimetz deployment in the Persian Gulf. I am fascinated by this series - so much so that I watch it when it airs primetime and then at midnight when it re-airs. They tackle some very sensitive subjects and show the most personal moments. I cannot tell you how good it is. Fascinating. I have been on the edge of my seat.

Tonight they came home... and it was wonderful and horrible and everything else. Oh, and I finally got to see Lemoore! The sign said, "Historic"?

Toot! Toot!

Finished everything for the semester about one hour ago. This means I have officially survived a full year of doctoral work - how many of you are still in the pool? I think I crapped out at 8 months, so you're doing better than I.

Anywho, I bought four books after I dropped off my last paper because I had no pleasure books at home to bring for the train. I am writing this from the Frontrunner. Lovely. Spectacular. Gorgeous. Free Wi-fi. I'm never driving to SLC again.

I feel so metropolitan.

Send Bubble Wrap, Please

Apparently, and those of you who really know me well will not be surprised by this, I am made of fine china, delicate crystal and satin.

Today I went to the dermatologist. I have had a breakout of tragic proportions for the past couple of months and I finally gave in and went to see the man. Argh! First the braces, now the acne - what's left? When next you see me, will I be anxiously waiting for Monte S. to meet me at the dollar movie to see Batman? It's like I'm 14!

But I digress. As I was mentioning, I was informed today that I am very fragile. The doc says that I have an infection causing these fantastical breakouts (if you're curious, google "hubble space telescope" I'm sure there are some great shots of this breakout you can see from space!). The kicker? The infection is most likely my immune system reacting to... wait for it... stress.

"Do you have any unusual stress right now?" Me? No. Smooth sailing all the way.

The point is, I came home with some new drugs - yay antibiotics! - and I have to switch shampoo. But that should take care of it. Well, until I get stress again. ~smile~

This One's for the Duchess

Ok, people. Attention!!! Up here. Thank you.

All right, can we all agree that Hillary Rodham Clinton is an accomplished woman? A law degree, worked on the Watergate case, a mother and wife (in her case, quite an accomplishment), a Senator, and a darn smart cookie all around? Right? We're agreed. Excellent.

PLEASE STOP REFERRING TO HER AS "HILLARY" WHEN YOU CALL THE OTHER GUYS SENATOR OBAMA AND SENATOR MCCAIN!!! SHE DESERVES THE SAME RESPECT AS THOSE OTHER TWO!!

And while we're at it - can we all stop griping about how she's playing so dirty and nasty when all she's doing is challenging the front runner? It's the classic tough woman = bitch tactic.

Perfect! Now that we're all agreed, feel free to follow me in the "YAY, Obama" parade. But while you're marching, show the woman some respect, dammit.

The Best Plan in the World

Today I called the local elementary school because we hadn't heard about Kindergarten Round-up for Little Ms. Eris. It seems to me that Little Mr. Eris went in early April, so I thought I'd check it out.

Yeah, we missed it.

"How did we miss it?" I asked the nice secretary lady. "Well, didn't Little Mr. Eris bring home the flier for you to sign up? That's how we made the list this year."

Note to the folks at Acme Elementary: Little Mr. Eris doesn't bring home the hot-pink notes informing me he has no lunch money. Remember when he had to eat PB&J and not the turkey lunch the day before Thanksgiving break because he was like $4.00 in the hole? You cannot send notes home with a 10-year-old boy and expect them to make it past the blackhole that is his desk or out of the super-nova-black-hole that is his backpack.

Don't worry. We can drop by for a packet and they want to test her in early May. Cross your fingers for First Grade!

This Could Be a Long Career

Ah, the academic elite. You gotta love them. Last week I had dinner at a professor's house with two other graduate students. We had a nice hippy meal (cold spinach soup to start) and some very fun conversation, getting to know each other better. Briefly, the professor is woman in her mid to late 40s, the other two students are women in their mid to late 20s, one single the other married. I was the only one at the table with children.

At some point during the dinner one of them asked me if I was going to have any more children. (My answer to that question changes daily, hourly even, and I am not going to make any final decisions at the age of 31.) I told them, quite honestly, that I had no idea.

The room exploded as three women, none of whom have children and two of whom have never been married, said things like: "Be done, Eris!" "Think of the population, haven't you had enough?" And my favorite, "The planet needs you to stop."

Sweet, holy buckets. I expect this kind of stuff from my family and friends, who know what a terrible mother I am and so have a vested interest in seeing that I don't bring any more children into this world. But three nearly complete strangers?! Um, if you're looking for your beeswax, none if it is in my uterus.

I quickly changed the subject, but have been thinking... if two of those women are never going to have children, as they claimed, then I can have at least 6 to make up for their 4? Is that the way it goes?

No Way!

Today I sat in my TA class and listened to the instructor wondering why I even bothered to be there to hear a lecture about PR in entertainment and sports when she used an example:
"My husband's cousin is the manager of the Red Sox. And when they won in 04 Terry had to..."

I don't really know what she said after that because I sort of blacked out. Yes, that's right. I teach with a woman who is related to Terry Freaking Francona! Seriously, when I asked her after class to clarify that she was speaking of Terry Francona and she said yes, my stomach lurched and I was speechless. She didn't really understand why.

Man! How awesome is that?!

(Duchess, as is the case with any music related posts, you are not allowed to comment here. Oh, but sorry about the jersey in the foundation of your new stadium - that was uncool.)

PS - Welcome Pope!

Let the Withdrawals Begin

For the past year Little Mr. Eris and I have been reading the Harry Potter series. We took turns reading out loud with the Little Mr. starting and ending each book. It was so fun to watch him fill in the blanks or realize the plot points that the movies leave out. Then we started "The Half-blood Prince" - he had never seen the movie and so had no idea where the story was going. He was on the edge of his seat.

A month ago we procured three copies of "The Deathly Hallows" and the Numismatist read with us. She read on her own most of the time, but about once a week we got together to read. It was so fun! Today we finished the book, and consequently the series. (I loved this book the first time I read it - in 36 hours - and love it even more now!)

Anyway, the Little Mr. is now pouting all around the house saying things like, "I wish there were 19 books" and "Now, what are we going to do?" Oh. My. Gosh. He is so cute and sad. He seems to be worried that we won't be spending any time together now that I don't have the Weasley twins as a draw.

I have assured him that we will read more. We are starting "Call of the Wild" next, and then will move on to "Chronicles of Narnia." Suggestions for the book list are welcome!

Sidenote: His Accelerated Reading goal at school is 442%. He has decided to hold the book 7 test for his next goal.

Eris Finds a Toe-Hold

Update: Oh my gosh!!! If it's possible, I have an even bigger crush! Webb has already emailed back (and it's like 10 at night there) with a charming email (love those Brits) and the items I asked for and an article that contradicted his work just to cover my bases ("even though it is hard on my ego"). Could he be more wonderful?!

Thanks, in large part, to some encouraging words from the Duchess, and in small part to my stumbling bass-ackwards into a research topic I am really interested in and could actually fill a hole, I now have a geeky research crush. Two actually.

Some Brittons (Fisher and Webb) have done some interesting work adjacent to my topic, and I am now actively stalking their every move. I know this is boring to most everyone else, except again, maybe the Duchess (their PoliSci guys!) but I just had to share my excitement. I just sent these two gents an email about their work and requested a chance to chat.

I am giddy with anticipation at their response. My advisor stated that the email I wrote, "has an adequate amount of flattery" so I hope to get a favorable response. I haven't been this excited since I tried to get backstage at the last Neil Diamond concert.

What is Your Quest?

Five words: "I HATE INSTITUTIONAL REVIEW BOARD!"

I am now on my fourth revision of a study proposal that has been reviewed by four people including my temporary advisor, two IRB staffers and our department rep on the IRB - all of whom said some version of, "Looks great. No problem."

Um, this study will never happen and from now on, I'm quantitative all the way.

Because the rabbit was so entertaining, I am adding this to drive home my point. Seriously IRB committee: "African or European?"

"Look at the Bones!"

Remember the gang of deer? Tonight I crossed a bunny's path while walking to my car. It looked sort of like this.

Oh! My! Heck!

I have so been waiting for this. It's time to open the cedar chest again - I have some old t-shirts and giant buttons in there somewhere...

Beat That, Numismatist

Look what Little Ms. Eris found in her ice cream from Warrens!

Say That 7 Times Fast

Mr. Eris is on soccer sabbatical. Today he went to the doctor to find out how long this unwanted break will have to be and he came home with a post-it note that says:

valgus producing distal femoral osteotomy.

I have informed his parents that they will be paying for this surgery as they clearly sold me a stud with a bum leg. Honestly, this right leg is getting ridiculous! I am voting we just hack the darn thing off. Suggestions for peg-leg design are now being accepted.

This Makes Him Even Hotter in My Book

Yesterday Mr. Eris brought me a Pepsi at the shoe store. No, that's not what makes him even hotter (though it does support my "sweetest guy ever" hypothesis). Here's what happened:

He was walking across the parking lot to come in the store and a car pulled up next to him. A guy rolled down the window and said, "Hey, are you gay?"

Mr. Eris replied, "Yes."

This qualifies him for one of a few things: a. making out with Rupert Everett (I am not opposed, as long as I get to watch!); b. serving as Governor of New Jersey or Senator from Idaho; or c. wearing better shoes.

I can help him with the last one!

For Athena...

Watch this... followed by this...

You're Welcome.

You Look Like a Monkey!

Little Mr. Eris enjoyed his breakfast of Cocoa Puffs and muffins, and present opening. You know your kid is getting old when the birthday prince crown from the dollar section at Target is too small. He did not enjoy the bobby-pins.

Happy Birthday, Big Guy!

Remember Me?

I had to check my blog today because I honestly couldn't remember the last time I posted. Not much to tell you, except that today starts week 9 of 14 for school and it's starting to get real. This semester has been much better for two reasons: first, I'm not working full time at the shoe store, so I actually have time to get my work done (not that I ever have all my reading done, I'm not that good); and second, I have method classes instead of theory classes, so I get to do actual research and not that crappy "what is the true meaning of theory?" junk.

Anyway, I have an IRB and tons of reading for a state-of-the-research paper to do, so I'd better skedattle. But first a couple of personal notes:

To Athena: The door was snacked on again when Little Mr. Eris forgot to put the pup in the kennel. She's getting plenty of fiber at Auntie Eris's house.

To the Duchess: Once again, sorry about the soft-porn.

To Meemoo: Anytime you need a laugh I'm happy to share my wedding book. The video has some choice stuff too. Maybe when you come to visit.

To the Numismatist: Maybe we can take 1/4 of another $5 bill and cash in your find, as well as the 3/4 of the original? Am I brilliant? Thanks for the spell-check!

Finally, to the U: Up yours, tentatively.

Love, Eris.

The Many Talents of the Little Ms.

Tonight while Little Mr. Eris and I read our chapters in HP5 Little Ms. Eris decided to do my hair. This is always an adventure. It started with every headband she owns being snapped onto my head (forehead, too, very Solid Gold) and ended with this:

Six-Word Memoirs

A couple of weeks ago I heard a story on NPR (yes, I know, Nerd!) about six-word memoirs. They issued a challenge to listeners to write their own. Some were great, moving, sweet, funny, etc. I have been working on mine for a while and, while I am sure it will change (suggestions are welcome), this is it:

"Living for family that loves back"

Share yours.

PS - Dad, thanks for the books. I've been grinning and on the verge of tears over this fun, new collection all day. Can't wait to crack them!

Meemoo Rocks!

I shared the puking in the car memory on your blog, Meemoo, but I wanted to make sure I shared something nicer: I'm glad we kidnapped you and Mitchell in 2001 for a trip to S.M. (the photo is from your first trip to my house!) and I am so grateful for your friendship, and the fact that you and I both married big studly, geeks, so we could do things like:
- stay up all night talking the first night we met Matt;
- pull an all-night drive and go to a Broncos game;
- watch comic-book themed movies;
- play in Disneyland with my mom, and stay at your parents' house (why did they move?!);
- abuse my shoe discount;
- do scrapbooks with your sister (while Clay walked around shirtless);
- buy a red rug in Greely.

You're the best - Happy Birthday!

Another One?

Pray for the people at Northern Illinois University.

Fortunately, I teach in a state that forces the university to allow guns on campus. So, it's all going to be fine.

Pride Schmide

The guy next to me on the TRAX platform threw four pennies, one at a time, on the tracks.

I immediately jumped in and picked them up.

And Then He Goes and Does Something Like That

Today was Wednesday (NO. There will be no Super Tuesday post - visit the Duchess for that). On Wednesdays I stay home all day. It rocks. On this Wednesday, I spent the day cleaning all the "Little" rooms.

Little Mr. Eris lives in the basement where he enjoys a fair amount of freedom. I get down there once every couple of weeks to yell at him for a messy room. Today I skipped the middle man and just cleaned it myself. I wasn't too mad, because he had just cleaned it a couple of days ago. So I started going through all the little papers and scraps (and a kabillion candy wrappers... glad we're paying for those braces just so his teeth can rot) and I found a TRAX ticket on his desk.

The TRAX ticket was from September 12, 2007 - the day he came to school with me and went to one of my classes. We rode the train, ate some lunch, went to class and had a great time.

The kid saved the TRAX ticket. Sweet Oden's Rave, I love him.

PS - Numismatist, this story is not aimed at you...

Eris: Frontier Woman

Last night as I left school I walked on the sidewalk in the dark (apparently, in an effort to "Be Green" the U has decided that lighting along the sidewalks is unnecessary) I chatted with Mr. Eris on the phone. I was concentrating on the ground, hoping to not slip on some ice. I looked up.

Three deer were standing on the sidewalk in front of me. They were staring at me. I stopped and asked, "What do I do here? I know they can't rip out my jugular, but they don't appear to be scared of me...."

As Mr. Eris told me to "just keep walking, they'll move." I noticed two more deer just off the sidewalk, coming toward the three already in front of me, all of them looking at me.

I froze. "Um, now there are five and I don't think I can take them in a fight." Mr. Eris mocked. I took a couple of steps backward and noticed that there were three more deer just off the other side of the walk.

For those of you doing the math, that's EIGHT DEER confronting me on sidewalk. What are they, in a gang? Am I about to be jumped in?

I turned around and took the long way to the TRAX station. They made me miss my train.

My Grill

UPDATE: Day 2 and the menu so far? A Razzmatazz Jamba Juice (filling and cold, so it felt good on the metal mouth) and now, oatmeal. Basically anything I don't have to chew. Jealous? I thought so.

Yes, I have a grill. 8-12 months and counting.

I have officially added "Wear your retainer"
to the list of things the Numismatist was right about.

For You, Duchess

Pick Flick!

You're Clapping for That Guy?

Not that you care, but below are my comments on the SoU:
- $300 million to send inner-city kids to private schools? Why don't we spend $300 million to improve the public schools they already go to?!
- The ear-mark thing? Pretty brave to make a new rule that only applies in 2009. Good luck new guy (or gal).
- "When it comes to health care funding, decisions should be made between you and your doctor, not the halls of government." Don't get too excited lady, you and your uterus are still fair game.
- The "c" comes before the "l" in NUCLEAR when you spell it and when you say it.
- I think Nancy Pelosi is reading a Harlequin Romance.
- Fuzzy math... if 20,000 troops are on the way home from Iraq, not to be replaced, is that off the original 150,000 sent or the 30,000 additional troops sent in last year's "surge" so technically we still have 10,000 more there than when we started? It's confusing to me.
- Pledge to the troops that you'll have everything you need.*
- Maybe Iran's nuclear subterfuge is the result of a translating error. It's possible they do not have a word for "nucular."
- I love the Homer Simpson argument that this administration has kept us safe from another terrorist attack on our soil. "Ever since the Bear Squad came to town, I haven't seen another bear."

*This pledge is effective Jan. 28, 2008 and cannot be applied to the armor and protective gear we gave you to start out with in 2003.

D'oh!

It snowed today. Technically, it was a blizzard. On the news you would have thought it was the end of the world. It started around 10 and continued for three hours, and I admit I was nervous about getting to school tonight. I considered calling in to cancel. But I didn't. I shoveled out of my driveway at 2 o'clock and drove to school. At 4:55 a classmate saw me as I was taking off my coat and he said, "Aren't you happy about tonight?" I was puzzled. "You do know that class is cancelled, right?"

Apparently an email went out at 1:48, about three minutes after I packed up my stuff and started shoveling out. I drove for two hours and wasted a quarter tank of gas, and now I am home.

On the bright side: I get to watch the State of the Union. I am seriously considering liquor tonight in celebration of the last Bush SoU I will have to listen to.

Have We Met?

Mr. Eris is sitting next to me, surfing the web. He actually just said this to me:

"I love how they print articles that say things like, 'Why Obama won.' He won because he got more votes. Duh."

So, does he even know what I do?

Water, Water Everywhere and Not a Drop to Drink (or Shower)

Since Thursday afternoon we have been without water. A pipe broke up the canyon. A 70-plus-year-old pipe. For 12 hours they tried to weld the big, freaking gash in the pipe. It didn't work. Go figure. For the past three days one-third of the O.C. has been living off bottled water and the kindness of family of friends for showers.

Tonight the water came back on, but here's the kicker: the city delivered 4 gallons of bottled water to each house today so we could have drinking water and on the news they said the water would basically be toilet water until Monday. Has the city made any effort to contact us and tell us what this stuff coming out of our tap is safe for? NO.

I have water coming out, but I can't wash dishes. Or clothes. Or my body. So tomorrow I will shower at the Numismatist's house and do laundry at Mr. Eris's parents' house. And I will pray that my neighbors are smarter than Mr. Eris (who just threw away his toothbrush because he started to brush his teeth with the tap water).

Thank you Nincompoop.

Blink, and You May Miss Him

Watch this.

See anyone familiar??

3 hints for K.: 1. He used to offer to light Deke's two fingers. 2. You can find him in my wedding book and your parents' wedding photos. 3. In 25 years, I'll have the same gray hair.

Um, A Little Help Here

On my way from my car in the park & ride lot to the train I saw something on the ground. It was paper. My first thought was "Oh, please let it be a money order or cashier's check for $5,0000!"

Nope.

It's a birth certificate from Texas in 1952. So, my question is: Now what do I do with this thing? Call the police and turn it in to them? Call UTA and turn it in to them? It's a mystery.

Discuss.

UPDATE: I contacted UTA and they say I should give it to the driver on my train home. This makes me nervous, especially in light of Loki's comment. Do I really want to give this thing to some random person? Identity theft, anyone?

Happy Anniversary, Roe

35 years of freedom for women. Pray (and vote!) for at least 35 more.

Donuts, Pepsi and You

Yesterday was the big day - 12 years with the Mr. We had a great day, playing Guitar Hero in Pocatello and then some nice Italian food. Then we spent the night in Logan. Cache Valley is sooo romantic. We spent the drive talking about our favorite memories from the first dozen. Here are some of the commonalities:

1. We rented a little house for the first year. The guy who lived downstairs was in a band and played the song "Breakfast at Tiffany's" constantly. We could hear it perfectly - but that's probably nothing compared to what he heard. ~wink~
2. We lived on Hamburger Helper for the first year. I still can't eat that.
3. We didn't get a honeymoon (it was the middle of the semester). So on May 19th we went to Disneyland while on a soccer trip for Mr. Eris. It was a great day, but we can't remember a dang thing about it except getting stuck at the park with no ride home.
4. We spent more time undressed for the first six months than we did dressed.
5. We can take long road trips, such as drives to Pocatello, and just talk the whole time. It's nice.

PS - You can visit the Numismatist for some photos. They were quite a shock.

Pick a Winner!

86% Chris Dodd
85% Joe Biden
85% Mike Gravel
85% Dennis Kucinich
83% John Edwards
83% Barack Obama
78% Hillary Clinton
69% Bill Richardson
38% Rudy Giuliani
26% John McCain
23% Ron Paul
19% Mike Huckabee
18% Tom Tancredo
17% Mitt Romney
8% Fred Thompson

2008 Presidential Candidate Matching Quiz

Notice: all my top matches are either already out of the race or believe they saw a UFO while hanging out with Shirley Maclaine.

Man, do I loves me some crazy liberals!

Yay!

Great meeting with possible advisor for dissertation. Feeling more at home... the cubicle helps.

Taught first class today - loved it! Dad, you can relax now, I am sure this is what I want to do.

The Numismatist visited for lunch and then met my dept. chair. "Ann this is my mom." Does that make me look quaint or oddly codependent? Who cares! It was a fun lunch and tour.

Littlest Ms. Eris is potty-trained! We have three diapers left if anyone needs 'em.

Mr. Eris is loving his new job. Happy enough that he moved the lifesize Spiderman into his office.

Share your good news...

The Beat Goes On

Today, I went to the class I am TA-ing in - and this is the best gig ever! I sit in class while the instructor teaches. I say nothing. I do nothing. I will have to grade two assignments and two tests for the semester. She says maybe I'll teach a session or two. Hmmm, I'm ok with this set up.

My cubicle is the first one as you walk in the door of the grad student offices, which means I am now the un-official receptionist. But that's ok, I brought in a Mason Jar for tips. And I have close to five hours on Tuesday and Thursday to do nothing but work (and eat). Plus, I have a window, too!

And Meemoo, I'm disappointed in you. "Promise me you'll look after Tommy Boy here, til he gets his feet wet!"

You Have a Window. And Why Shouldn't You? You've Been Here Ten Minutes...

As you all know, Mr. Eris started a fantastic, grown up job last week. He is the Student Services Coordinator at a local college. I wasn't entirely sure what that meant at first, but here are the details as I have gathered.

He is in charge of making sure the students:
a. come to school
b. have a positive experience at school
c. get the help they need (tutoring and such)
d. have ample student organizations to belong to
e. have a super fun orientation (which he teaches!)

So basically, Mr. Eris is there to be the guy the students want to talk to and to be nice to them. He'll be perfect for it. If you have any doubts, consider the fact that his biggest job-related concern is to find the right candy dish to put on his desk.

Oh, and in case you were wondering: yes, he does have a window.

It's Possible, Pig

This week we are enjoying the classics in the Eris household. As we celebrated Christmas with Googamus and her little uns we watched Miracle on 34th Street and Robin Hood: Men in Tights, followed by a little of Mystery Men. Now, some of you may ask what makes Mystery Men a classic, and I say, "Shut it! Any movie with Hank Azaria rocks!"

Get this: Mr. Eris, who is 37-years-old and worked at Blockbuster for more than a decade, had never seen Edward Scissorhands. How is that even remotely possible?!?! So we watched it in our jammies on New Years Eve. The kids loved it, and Little Mr. Eris kept asking, "Are you sure that's Captain Jack Sparrow?"

Tonight, following the Mr.'s second day at his new job (which he loves and makes him feel very important!), we ate Mac & Cheese with Weenies and are now watching The Princess Bride. Love it!

It's good to be old and boring.

"Have you ever considered piracy? You'd make a wonderful Dread Pirate Roberts."

Merry Christmas

Hope you had a wonderful day and remembered what it's all about (not to get too preachy, but you know what I mean).

Meemoos: We are now the proud owners of GH 1 and 2 - I'm practicing and will be ready to rock on our next visit. The link on the title is in honor of this gift.

God bless us. Everyone.

Victory Tour, Part V

Question: What happens when it starts to rain on your last night at Disneyland?



Answer: You buy 14 freaking ponchos and enjoy the whole place to yourself.

Quick note: Little Ms. Eris got to meet several princesses today, most importantly, Princess Aurora (a.k.a. Sleeping Beauty). She wanted to know where Prince Phillip was. I told her he was probably home with the kids while Aurora did all the important governing. She liked that idea.

Victory Tour, Part IV

After a day at Sea World and two days at Disneyland, we finally found something for Little Mr. Eris: LegoLand. (Yes, that is the Iwo Jima monument made out of Legos, part of the Lego version of Washington, D.C.)



Then, he wanted a picture at the beach. I insisted on one for me, the kiss was a surprise. (Yes, I realize who I look like. No need to comment.)



And lastly: something for the Numismatist and Athena. It's like they knew she was coming!

Victory Tour, Part III

Snow White is a dumb broad, I know. The chick is warned by a hunter that her evil stepmom is trying to kill her and told specifically by 7 dwarves NOT TO open the door or talk to anyone. So what does she do? She opens the door to an old crone, and then... THEN.... SHE EATS SOMETHING A STRANGER GAVE HER! Seriously, the worst role model ever for little girls.


Here's a picture of my daughter with Snow White (see the box on the right for why I wanted this picture).

Victory Tour, Part II

Before:


and after...

The Victory Tour, Part I

Here's the first day - Sea World...

The Littlest Ms. Eris loved the Shamu show. Little Ms. Eris loved getting popcorn (you can't say she's not plain folk). Little Mr. Eris liked the penguins.

As for me, I loved not having to worry about school. And Mr. Eris loved knowing he has a fancy new job to come home to.

Break Time

It's 12:40. I've been at the library since 8:30. I have been typing since 9:00. For those of you who care, especially Athena, it's a literature review on research done on debate effects. It's break time (potty, post, Pepsi).

I've been kind of worried that my full-bodied loathing of this past semester is a sign that a coming back for a PhD was maybe a big mistake. But today has reminded me of how much I love researching and writing. I wish I could stay here all day and night, but I have to leave at 3 for my stupid theory class.

So I will drudge through the courses, looking longingly forward to the research process. Duchess, let's get working on your idea next week! We can do this by email at first while we are both gone, right?

And yes, I realize "nerd" is the word you are thinking right now. I don't care.

Now I Can Work!

Three weeks of school left. I have two papers to present this week, one final draft of a methods section to turn in, and one paper to just turn in. Next week, I have two papers due.

But it is ALLLLLL good. Why? you ask. Well, because I have been slowly working on these projects all semester (very slowly, to tell the truth) but the work load means nothing, it's the shirt that matters.

Through my last year at Weber and my two years of grad school at USU whenever I had a lot of work to do I would get cozy in my Brooklyn Roads sweatshirt and all would be well. The sweatshirt has been lost for the last week. PANIC! Mr. Eris found the shirt for me today, and now I am booking along! All is right in my academic world.

I'll be in touch after Thursday. Wish me luck!

Banana Clips Are Next

Dateline: Salt Lake City - UT

I was driving to school and saw a license plate that read:
2 LIGIT

I was driving home from school and heard the following on the radio:

Blame it on the rain, that was falling, falling;
Blame it on the stars that shine at night.
Whatever you do, don't put the blame on you,
Blame it on the rain...

Seriously? Is it 1992 and no one told me?

Dang-it-all

Today was Little Ms. Eris's birthday party. The big five. We had a raft of kids in our house to come pay homage to the tiny Goddess of Chaos. It was great - the Numismatist brought crepe paper and party favors - yes, she is a life saver.

Today was nice. Then, it happened. The Little Ms. and I were downstairs on the couch, getting ready to watch a movie and she asked to look at my wedding book. I said ok and she started going through the pages one at a time. After a couple of passes through, I noticed she stopped on the "parents" page a little longer than the rest. The next time through, she decided to name everyone in the pictures. Again, we stopped on the "parents" page. And now, the scene:

"Papa and Daddy."
"Grandma and Mommy."
"Nana and Daddy."
pause....pause....pause....
"Who is that?"
Uncomfortable silence.
"That's just someone who came to the wedding."
"Who is he?"
"That used to Mommy's dad. He's not around anymore."
"Did he die?"
"No, he just doesn't talk to Mommy."
"Maybe he just doesn't like you."

She may be on to something, there.

Civic Doody

It was voting day! Do you have your sticker? I do.

As I arrived at my polling place this evening I was greeted just outside the parking lot by people holding campaign signs. I approached them and asked if they were far enough away from the polling location. (I was further bothered by the fact that they were standing on the parking strip and sidewalk in front of an LDS church. Um, no politicking there, please.)

Their response? "We are standing where the guy who hired us told us to stand." They were campaigning for a city council candidate whose family name is on half the buildings in my town, has a street named after them, and basically owns the O.C. I dislike his candidacy for two reasons: first, if you have that much power in the town, do you really need to be on the city council? and second, he's basically a schill for the mayor (who I will be voting for, but I think you need dissenting voices).

So, this guy paid a company to hire people to hold campaign signs on election day. It looks like people totally support him, but really, he just bought some friends. Something smells here.

The Coolest Video I've Seen Lately

And here I've been wasting my time doing homework. Where are my priorities?

PS - Meemoo, I blame you and Mr. for even making me care enough to watch this (click on the title to see!).

Why Having 3 Kids is Awesome

My kitchen is now home to what is likely my body-weight in candy. I love it.

Make sure you visit Meemoo to see more proof of how much better a mother she is.

Get Me a Freaking Match

Today marked the beginning of week 10. Let me say that with all the work and stress, I am still loving it. Except for my Monday night class: Free Speech in Society. This is a class that I should love. It's political science-ish mixed in with cultural effects of 1st Amendment rulings in the Supreme Court.

The problem? you ask. Well, the class is made up of six people, including me. A newlywed couple, two guys from CA and two women auditing the class prior to matriculation for the MA program. The two women have mentioned to me that they feel uncomfortable in the class because the other four talk over them constantly and make them feel stupid. I hate being in class with these four people.

They are the worst kind of academics: never worked or had any life experience outside of school (unless you count the 3 months one spent living in London) and they are absolutist on everything.

It is not often I am the most conservative person in the room, but these people make me look like Rush Limbaugh. Actual quotes include:

"Yes, we should burn down the university and give the land back to the people we stole it from."
"I'd love to burn a flag every day because it represents a fascist government."

Ugh! The thing that totally bugs me about people like Ann Coulter and Sean Hannity is their complete inability to recognize subtle shades of gray in social issues. Not everything is black and white and you cannot live life as though it is. Well, these folks are the liberal equivalent of those nut jobs.

I just want to burn down their sweet little ivory tower.

How Sweep It Is

Red Sox sweep Colorado! Woot-woot!!



PS: (Sorry about the pun, it had to be done.)
PPS: To the Numismatist, Mr. Numismatist, Nancy and Anna - my sympathies.

Goldmine

Brace yourself for the most exciting news, EVER! I have downloaded the written transcript of the Senate and House floor debates on McCain-Feingold (Bipartisan Campaign Reform Act) of 2002.

If you would like to join me in content analyzing these transcripts for semiotic differences in the terms used to help identify ideological biases - specifically related to the First Amendment and money as speech/expression... please, just let me know.






Fine. Mr. Eris wasn't thrilled about it either.

Finally!

I drove home from work though snow tonight. Lots of really good, wet snow. I almost stopped the car to get out and let the flakes fall on my tongue.

I love Fall and Winter. Summer can kiss it.

It's My Turn... Again

K of the Michigan cuzes was tagged, and she asked that I play along. I love her, and I feel that I owe some folks something positive on here (I worry that I've done nothing but complain to you, my blogging family).

So, here's my new list of random things:

1. I sometimes fear that I am living in my own version of the Truman Show. Is that odd or narcisistic... or both?

2. I can eat an entire bag/container/carton/etc. of the following items in one sitting: Doritos, cookie dough, pink & white circus animal crackers, Pepsi, eggnog, Aunt Paula's chocolates, saltine crackers. I can't eat most of these things anymore, but if I did - I could polish em off!

3. I can't sleep without a blanket on me. If I try, I dream that I am being attacked by sharks.

4. I have never done all my visiting teaching more than two months in a row.

5. The Numismatist once told me that I have "the ability to make people want to kill themselves, regardless of my words, just by the tone of my voice." I like to think that's a compliment.

6. I sometimes wish I had sowed my wild oats before I got married. I was young and innocent enough when I got married that I don't think I even had oats - so I never got to make it (sorry Mom) with some foxy, long-haired hippy river guide named Chase. And, yes, I realize that was very specific.

7. I don't like gravy on my mashed potatoes. I prefer to eat them with corn.

8. My shirts must all hang facing the same direction on the hanger and be arranged by shade in rainbow order. Same thing with the pants.

9. I have a strong fear of the Nincompoop syndrome. If I can make it to 32 without going certifiable, I'll have beaten the curse.

10. I can play Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon with anyone. I have never been beaten. 8 years of Blockbuster, baby! I may be a little rusty now, but I'll bet I'm still a top-tier competitor.

Ok, I'm supposed to tag other people now that I'm done, but the only person I know who I haven't seen do this is Steph B. So, I'd like my sour tummy buddy to add her own list.

Praying for the Sweet Release of Death

I like to think I am pretty tough. I generally handle pain pretty well, and I have lived my life convinced of the fact that if I had to knock someone out I could do it. Last night tested my view of myself.

It started on Saturday with a little headache. Yesterday it was still there, but I thought I could make it through work and then take a nap at home and be done. By the time I got home at 7 I was bushed. By 8 I was hunched over the toilet jamming a toothbrush down my throat. By 8:15 I was curled up on my bed crying. Finally, at 8:45 I told Mr. Eris I needed to go to the hospital.

Three natural child births and I have never experienced pain like this. And I couldn't breathe my way out of it.

We spent 3 hours in the ER where they gave me a CT scan. Then they gave me a shot of Imitrex, which I normally don't like because it leaves me with a nasty post-headache-headache. But this time I took it gratefully.

Then the nicest man in the whole world gave me a shot for nausea and pain and to help me sleep. This was the best damn shot I have ever had - even though my bum still hurts. I want to marry that man.

So today I am sitting on my bed eating (something I couldn't do yesterday!) and working on homework. I am extending my fall break one more day, as I am not allowed to drive with all this happy shot still in my system.

PS - The Numismatist took care of all the Little Erises and she is thrilled because she now knows what I would be like drunk. Apparently, I am a happy drunk who cannot make it up the stairs and must be carried in giggling like a child.

Numb3rs

For anyone keeping track...

5: reams of paper used this semester (my carbon footprint is HUGE!)
3: ink cartridges used this semester (I did not factor this into the cost of school
3: days left of Fall Break (I have seriously never loved a break so much in all my life)
4: days at work this week so far, 4 shoplifters caught or barely missed (people are evil)
1: friend in the ER (we have got to get her down to only one medical emergency a year)
1: friend whose father recently committed a grizzly murder (she was on t.v. and then went straight back to AZ - smart girl)
2: job interviews for Mr. Eris (things are actually looking better)

Add your own number. I am going to enjoy my day off tomorrow!

Where the Proud Pipers Play

Remember the plaid heels? And how I mentioned that I have the matching flat Mary Janes? Well, I was wearing the plaid flats today at work and the cutest little couple came in to shop for shoes.

Um, the cutest little SCOTTISH couple! As I was ringing them up I said, "Ok, I have to tell you that I went to Ben Lomond High School and we were the Fighting Scots." They were very impressed. And then I showed them my shoes.

Long story short: I now have a place to stay if I ever visit Scotland. Oh yeah.

PS - Numismatist and Big Sis: I wore my contacts today. So far, so good.

Sometimes Patting Your Head Just Isn't Enough

Tonight was a birthday party. The Numismatist and her sister, Always28 (as I have dubbed her) share a birthday and so we got together with all of my extended family. It was all my cousins - except C and K, who were sorely missed - and all their children.

Great cake, and always nice to hang out with everyone. But, Littlest Ms. Eris was not at her best.

She fell asleep on the drive there and got maybe a 20 minute nap. Then she woke up surrounded by my uncle and his two sons. Now, my uncle is a fox, always has been (he married Always28) so you'd think any girl would love to wake up looking at him. Um, not so much for the LME.

Littlest Ms. Eris never quite recovered. She was in a small, hot house (not a hothouse) with a bunch of people she hardly knows and she was not happy about it. Not even the cupcake she inhaled made her happy. In addition to nap thing, she is also cutting her last two teeth, so pleasant was not in her vocabulary.

Here's the problem. I had to spend two hours listening to people describe the Littlest Ms. as "pretty glass half empty" and "just naturally unpleasant." And some of these folks don't even know the kid! I am the first to describe her as a challenge, but it was kind of a bummer to watch everyone relish how unhappy she was.

Excuse me! Over-bearing mom, coming through!

UPDATE: We have been home for an hour, and I am happy to report that after two children's Tylenol she is on her way to being nice. Acetimenophin rocks! Those teeth look pretty mean, though.

Where Was Your Mother in 1974?

I have made a friend at school. We will call her "Roy" because I am certain she is the sibling my mother never knew about (movie reference, there). Anyway, this girl is two years older than I and she has quite a few physical characteristics that resemble my paternal family:

1. Tall
2. Thin
3. Identical smile (you know the one that shows your gums. Man I hated that smile when I was a kid.)
4. Prominent nose
5. Bares the feminine version of the Nincompoop's name...

I have told her that I suspect we are related, but I'm not sure how to tactfully ask her if her mother frequented any Navy bases in the the mid-70s. Does Hallmark make a card like that?

I am enjoying working with this woman, but I miss my friends outside of school.
Mrs. Diamond and I don't get to talk except at the shoe store.
Mrs. Frysauce? Haven't seen her since May.
The Duchess and I have agreed we should eat lunch together. I'm thinking we'll get to it in 2009...

Can I Get Some Help Here?

I am working on my first true assignment for school. This is not the usual read 100 pages for class and participate in discussion work (which is unfortunate because I am rather gifted at that, even when I haven't read it all). NOOOOO, this is a write a 5-page essay type of assignment.

Um, does anyone have a Free Speech Philosophy I can borrow? I have to write five whole pages on my philosophy on free speech, and I don't know how to stretch "I can say whatever I want. The rest of you shut your pie holes" to five pages.

Maybe if I use a really big font....

Checking In

Not much to say here. School - Work - School - Work - Home - School - Work.

Repeat.

Um, Littlest Ms. Eris asked to go potty in the toilet for the first time tonight. She's gone before, but we had to ask her. Cross your fingers. This one may make it before she's two!

Little Mr. Eris and I finished HP #1 last week. He liked it so much we have started #2. He asked to read 3 chapters tonight!

Little Ms. Eris is plugging along. What a firecracker!

As for me, I am happily stressed to the max with school. Interestingly, I found out yesterday, through chatting with some of my fellow students, that there are people in my cohort who got a master's without writing a thesis or doing a project. They "comped" out. My fellow students were shocked to find out that for my masters I was required to write a thesis and take 8 hours of comprehensive exams with a 2 hour defense. I plan on writing my former department and asking when my second diploma arrives?!

Seriously, though, the other folks seemed kind of jealous that I had lived through that fire so I'll be passing along my thanks to the people who tortured me at USU (a la the fab job the Duchess did torturing me in preparation for my work in grad school).

I'll be checking in again soon. Feel free to email or call if you miss me.

Oh, and love and good vibes should be sent to the GP in S.M. Two words "bladder scrape." Yuck.

Miss Baltimore Crabs

I have been jamming out. I got the soundtrack to "Hairspray" yesterday (how much do I LOVE f.y.e.'s buy-back policy?!) and I have been singing along in my car all day. I am a huge fan of musicals, and as I've mentioned before I like to practice for my big Broadway debut in my car.

There is a method to the rehearsing:
1. I pick the part I think I could reasonably pull off
2. I listen through once, trying not to sing along
3. I then listen over and over and over and over again, singing along at the top of my powerful lungs.
4. I start over with a new cd.

"Hairspray" has presented me with an unpleasant reality... I am now too old to sing along to the Tracy Turnblatt or Penny parts without feeling completely ridiculous. I could probably pull of the Queen Latifa songs, but I'm not black, so we're back at square one.

Anyhow, I must face the fact that I am now old enough to play the mom roles. So, I will proudly learn "Miss Baltimore Crabs" and imagine myself looking fabulous in the costumes she gets to wear.

Suggestions...

I logged on to my Umail account today - it's where ALL the U information is found, and addressed directly to me. I have been avoiding this for a couple of weeks, because it has my tuition bill on there. But tuition is due next week and I thought I'd better bite the bullet. Which leads me to the following:

Where can I pick up an extra 2k in the next 4 days?
Seriously, how much blood would I have to donate?
I have an extra kidney here that's doing absolutely nothing.

Send suggestions... or donations ~wink~

Numismatist, you are now free to comment (NOT ON THE SHOES!).

From the Green Scottish Hills

In case you were wondering: I am a size 8 and yes, they are already on hold. Now I just have to figure out what I need to be rewarded for so I can bring them home.

PS - Can you believe I have these in a flat Mary Jane?

NO comments from the Numismatist are allowed on this one.

Beat This

I decided to "google" myself tonight. I am not well-known for my scholarship, but I found this.

I will be using this in my Christmas card this year.

Mom of the Year

Today Mr. Eris and I took the kids swimming. By the kids, I mean our three kids and the Little Meemoos. The Meemoos have been staying with us for the last 2 days. Super fun!

So we took the kids swimming and had a blast. While there, the Numismatist bought all the gang Creamies. Yum. So I'm wiping melted Creamie off tiny people, and I realize some of them have wandered off. I get up to see if the Little Meemoos are all still above water. I was not concerned about the Little Erises because they spend more time at the pool than they do at home and they know the rules.

The life guard is in the water, pulling out a child. It's the Littlest Ms. Eris. She had followed Little Mr. and Little Ms. Eris - both fine swimmers - to the edge of the pool and decided to jump in. She wasn't in there long, and when he pulled her out she coughed a bit, cried for 5 minutes and then wanted to get right back in the water.

The damage was all maternal. I cannot sit still without thinking about her sinking in the water. I can't stop cursing myself for being so careless. And I can't forgive myself for being such a bad mom.

I like to think I make up for it by keeping them bathed?

3 Down, A Billion To Go

I have completed my first three days of orientation to school.

Day 1: Awesome. My Dept. Chair gave inspirational opening remarks that made me a bit verklempt, actually. She spoke of the pride we should feel for being there - "No imposters here. We chose you," the humility we should feel for the being there - "You're here because others were not selected. Also, you are here thanks to the opportunities you have been afforded in life," (shout out to Mr. and Mrs. Numismatist) and the responsibilities we will have while there and after we finish "You will have doors open to you that others would never dream of."

Day 2: Horrifying. Starting to realize that this is at least a 4-year commitment I have just made. Am I ready to do this AGAIN?

Day 3: Meh. About teaching - but as I have not been selected to teach this semester the seminar was basically useless for my immediate needs.

So, I'll keep you posted. For those of you keeping track: Breakdowns = 1.

I Guess We'd Better Start Saving for College

Today we got the letter from Little Mr. Eris's school. This is the letter that tells us who will be his teacher for the next year. I requested Mrs. Miller (she taught there when I was a Falcon and she's the choir director - I feel strongly that Little Mr. Eris should be part of choir in his early years. A nod to the Numismatist, likely).

Anyway, as I read the letter, I laughed at the boneheads in charge of educating my child. They put him in a 5th Grade class. Um, hello? The kid is 9 years-old. That's 4th Grade. You know the one that comes after 3rd Grade (the grade he finished last year!). Then I notice the little pink note that came with the letter:

"Your student Jacob has been assigned to a fourth/fifth split class. One of the purposes of this class is to give independent learners a chance for some extended learning opportunities. Each grade will cover their core curriculum requirements, and they will also have the opportunity to broaden and deepen their learning experience beyond the basics."

I don't mean to be one of those kind of parents, but I can't stop smiling. He's smart! I am so proud!

Question

If a dog ate my marriage certificate, does this mean I can date again?

Svarnyk and Byll

Tonight was our big family night: roller skating! It was Patient Appreciation Night for our foxy orthodontist, so the skating and pizza were on the house. Well, technically we pay $210 a month for the priviledge of rolling around in a circle wearing shoes hundreds of strangers have worn previously. It was magical, but that is not the story.

As we were getting ready to go, Mr. Eris was taking the kids to the counter to cash in their prize tickets and I waited off to the side with the Littlest Ms. Eris. While waiting, I found a $1 bill! As I scanned the carpet for more cash, I saw a cigarette pack. I wasn't sure if it was empty, and I waited for a while to see if anyone would claim it. I stood there debating how badly I wanted to actually bend over and pick up this pack, three teenagers came walking by...

One of them picked up the pack, smiled, put the pack in his pocket, and walked on. I was mortified and immediately felt guilty that I hadn't picked it up before this little punk got to it. I decided to keep an eye on where he was and as soon as Mr. Eris got back I was going to ditch my kid and go after the smoker.

As luck would have it, he came back my way before Mr. Eris got back.

I looked at him and said, "Hey. That thing you put in your pocket? Gimme it." He smiled sheepishly and handed them over. Not a word of protest. What could he say? He knew he was busted.

Now for the best part. When Mr. Eris came back I waved the pack in front of him. He was puzzled, so I quickly told him the story, but not before all the kids (including our friends' kids who we had brought along for the fun) came back.

Little Mr. Eris said, "What's that?"
"Don't worryy about it," I replied.
"Are those cigarettes?" he asked.
"Yes," I said.
"WHY ARE YOU SMOKING?! YOU SHOULDN'T BE SMOKING!!" he yelled.

I explained the situation. Then I walked out, experiencing one of the proudest parenting moments I have ever had.

What's Your Power?

This is awesome.

I think my power would have to be that I am exceptionally loud, especially my laugh. Combine this with my general inappropriateness, and I have the uniqe ability to disturb virtually any sitation.

PS - The horse whisperer's house has a "For Sale" sign in the yard!!!!! Anyone willing to buy this house would have my eternal gratitude.

Smart People

I spent the last two days at a communication conference hosted by my department. It was my first conference. Ever.

I enjoyed it, listening to smart people using big words, most of them in an order that made it especially difficult to understand.

The reason I went was basically to brown nose. As I mentioned earlier, it was hosted by my department, and they needed volunteers to help with registration. I figured this would be a good way to get my name out there and I'd get a chance to attend the conference, too!

So, here are the highlights of the day:
1. I met a woman who has put into words my final goal: rhetorical leadership. This is the idea that communication scholars can take their research to government representatives, public entities, and anyone else who needs to communicate with the public and teach them how to effectively communicate with their various publics. Is this not awesome?!
2. I met a couple of professors from my new department. They seem nice, but they're no Duchess.
3. I met a couple of students who are entering their second year in the program. Got lots of advice and am feeling very frightened but marginally up to the challenge.
4. To the man who sat behind me at the 3:30 seminar: Please stop crinkling your paper repeatedly. It is very disturbing!! Oh, and taking your shoes off during the presentations may be super comfortable for you, but it's nauseating for those of us sitting around you. Were you raised in a barn?

I think that's all. Countdown to school: 10 days to orientation, 17 days to first day of class!