Monday, July 27, 2009

I Am That Mom

Dad left this morning so Numi was free to play all night at the pool! We took the Little Mr. and Ms. Erises and some dinner up around 5:30, looking forward to the quiet mostly adolescent-free environment that is the pool after the lifeguard leaves at 6. You see, with no lifeguard, you can only stay at the pool if you are 18 or older or with a parent. This leaves very few teenagers. yay!

Not tonight. Five kids stayed (one of whom was 18, the rest were 15-ish) and they proceeded to wrestle and play chicken in 75% of the shallow end. The little kids in the pool were banished to a little corner, lest they risk being swallowed up in the wrestling match or crushed by a falling chicken. Numi and I were more than a bit frustrated.

Then it happened. Little and Littlest Ms. Eris were floating around and ended up about a foot away from the melee. I got up and went to the side of the pool and started yelling at the kids:
Eris: "You guys have to calm it down. Stop being so rough! There are little kids in the pool and you are going to hurt one of them."

Snotty teenager: "We weren't going to land on them!"

Eris: "I'm sure you don't think so, but you were a foot away from them. Now calm it down!"

Snotty teenager: "Ok, but.."

Eris: "No but! Settle down or get out of the pool!"

Snotty teenager: "Ok, but..."

Eris: "No! No but! Settle down or get out of the pool before someone gets hurt!"

Snotty teenager: silence followed by quiet grumbling with his friends.

Then they left and Little Mr. Eris thanked me for embarrassing him and pretty much guaranteeing that he will never be asked to play shark again. Yes, I am the Mom that yells at your acquaintances and ensures you will be a social pariah for the rest of the summer. Send condolences to Little Mr.

PS - Happy Birthday, Athena!!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Pioneer Day Eve

Mr. Eris and I have just finished tucking all the children in. They have hung their thermal underwear from the mantel. Surely they are dreaming of Pioneer Pete and his covered wagon pulled by four magical oxen as he delivers whittled toys, rag dolls and horehound candy to those who have been good. I don't know who is more excited, the kids or me?

It's the most magical time of the year. And best of all? Our family from New York have travelled here to share this special holiday. Welcome J. and B.! We look forward to spending this most precious of days with you!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The Fastest I Ever Ran in My Whole Life

Today I went running in the mountains. I slept in too late to go with my usual running buddy, so I went with my favorite music blaring out of the speakers on my phone (couldn't find the headphones?).

It was a great run until I saw something 20 yards away. Something that jumped across the trail. Something that was bigger than my dogs and had a round tail and jumped like... a cat. Stop. Turn. Run away.

Too bad I had no "handy small children."

But I'll be bringing one next time, for sure.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Send Love

Hey everybody, send out some good vibes to my dad. It's good, but sad.


Monday, July 13, 2009

The Sweetest Sound

Mr. Eris is in the kitchen teaching Little Mr. Eris how to make dinner.

I love the sound of a man cooking.

PS - I am in my bedroom on the internet while all of this is happening.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Kneeling at the Porcelain God

Remember this? Well last night we had a replay. The headache started at the Obon Festival. It was just a nuisance so I ignored it. By the time we got home at 11 it was full-on mind-numbing, and by midnight was complete with body spasms.

I spent my night kneeling over the toilet jamming a toothbrush into the back of my throat trying to make myself throw up, which usually takes the sharp edges off enough to sleep. It didn't. So I slept on the bathroom floor with my head between the toilet and the tub - the porcelain was cool on my forehead and helped a little.

So, here I am. Watching crappy Sunday t.v. and surfing the web instead of going to church. I slept until 12:30 this afternoon, but I feel like I ran a marathon and I am in the middle of enjoying the post headache. Everyone call Mr. Eris and tell him I am excused from Family Home Evening tonight - I don't think I can handle the stress or the noisy nieces and nephews.

Saturday, July 11, 2009


What can I say about this?

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Brokeback Burger

The other day Mr. Eris and I were watching t.v. when this commercial came on.

He said, "Pathetic. She doesn't even know how to eat a burger. She ate the pineapple and then barely bit any of the burger."

Yeah, cuz that was the point of the commercial.

Sunday, July 05, 2009

I Spent $4.50 on Those Stickers!

Friday night Mr. Eris and I ran out of ... provisions of the most absolutely necessary. You know the kind you need most often in the wee hours.... Good, we're all on the same page. On with the story.

Last night we went to the store. Our local store keeps these provisions (along with pregnancy tests) locked in a cabinet by the pharmacy. It was after 11 p.m. so yes, I expected the pharmacy to be closed. What I did not expect is the cabinet to be locked. I went to the checkout counter and asked the woman on shift to unlock the cabinet. Guess what? No one in the store had a key.

That's just fan-fracking-tastic. I guess tonight I will work on my scrapbooking a la Edward Cullen instead of, well, what I was hoping to do.

My own personal frustration aside, I am forced to wonder about others who enter the store on the same errand as mine. What if they are young kids who once thwarted decide to just give up and go ahead without provisions? How many unplanned pregnancies and STDs originated outside this locked cabinet?

PS - Read the link. It is hilarious, riddled with naughty words and will explain the title of this post.