Investment Tip

I just posted final grades for the semester. I realized tonight that my overactive conscience - the thing that keeps me up at night feeling bad about the time I said the f-word in a high school assembly - is counterproductive when it comes to teaching. Here is why:

1. I spend an inordinate amount of time fretting over the grades my students earn on assignments, even when they clearly wrote the paper in a pot-induced haze or in some dialect of Esprianto.

2. I spend a ridiculous amount of energy worrying about the final grades my student earn - even those students who are absent a total of 18 times for a class that clearly warns: "You must attend class. I will allow for 3 absences throughout the semester. For every absence after 3, I will deduct 1/3 grade."

3. I am now experiencing butterflies in my stomach because I have posted the grades and will shortly receive any challenges to the grades.... and the student evaluations of the class.

Even with all that, I enjoy it too much to stop teaching. I love to watch a student "get it" and write a really fantastic sentence, or craft an excellent argument, or explain to me why a piece of strategic communication is or is not effective.

I guess I just have to learn to deal with the internal combustion this career is creating. A little financial tip for you: Invest in Petpo-Bismol. You'll make a killing off me!

Woops

Tonight I went to WalMart to get Little Ms. Eris a key and a key chain (Little Mr. Eris didn't get home in time to let her in the house, so it's time she had her own key). Anyway, I guess we showed him: we totally lost him in the store. By the time we found him, he was crying.

That'll teach him.

**Note that this is my way of saying, "I am a bad mom who lost my kid at Wal-Mart" because it was 100% my fault. But don't tell him.**

7!

We waited four years for this little miracle... and it was a girl? I wasn't prepared to be a mother to a girl, but 7 years ago Little Ms. Eris forced me into a crash course on the subject.

She is brilliant (truly) and funny and tough and beautiful. She is a big-hearted child who will befriend anyone and loves to make others feel welcome and wanted.

I have loved watching that baby girl who so terrified me turn into a darling little girl. And if the past 7 years are any indication, she will continue to amaze me as she grows to become a phenomenal woman. I hope she doesn't do it too fast, though.

Happy Birthday, Little Ms. Eris!

You'll Regret This One, Buddy

Last night I sat in my basement cleaning up the "cleaned up" family room Mr. Eris left for me and the phone rang. Little Ms. Eris answered and said, "Ok. Here's my mom." The following is a true account of what happened next:

Caller: "Hello, Ms. Eris. My name is Buddy and I am calling on behalf of
the American pro-life movement. Ms. Eris, the fight against ..."

Eris (interrupting): "BOY, DID YOU CALL THE WRONG HOUSE! WE ARE A PRO-CHOICE FAMILY. GOODBYE."

So, here is the question I pose: How did my phone number - which is connected to my name, which you will find on the list of active membership at the ACLU, Planned Parenthood, and the National Democratic Party - get on this calling list?!

Why New Jersey and Virginia Don't Matter

Ok, so they elected Republican governors today and pundits are calling it a bad sign for the White House and Hannity says it's a referendum on Obama. But here are a few things to consider:

1. Virginia has elected a governor from the opposite party in every election for something like the past 60 years. This one should be no surprise.
2. John Corzine, the former New Jersey governor, is a tool. Everyone in that state hates him.... No surprise here, either.
3. For the first time in decades, a Democrat has won in the New York 23rd. Sounds nice.
4. After spending $140 million on the race, Mike Bloomberg barely won re-election in New York City over a comptroller.* This should have been a cake walk for little Mike, but somehow it was a squeaker.

So, friends, even without the results from the gay marriage initiatives, I am declaring this election a wash. It may even be a win for Democrats.

*Does anyone know what a comptroller even does? Leah, explain please.

"YES, DRILL SERGEANT!!"

Little Mr. Eris is grounded, military school style. For the next two weeks he will be completing a series of chores, service projects (if you have any work you need done, let me know) and written assignments.

And if you have any children you need grounded back to the stone age... let me know. I can take care of that, too.

Let me close with the following: "No one messes with my shoes!"

On the Bright Side

I hate my digestive system. I have eaten a salad and four yogurt raisins today and am feeling miserable. Of course tonight would be the night some nice jerk brought pizza to class, too.

It's been a while since I got hit this hard, but imagine how loose my pants will be by the time I bounce back. yay.

The Last Resort

I am in the process of researching something for a project.

The research requires contacting some individuals who were active during the last legislative session.

The only way I can reach a few of these people is through Facebook.

The only way to get to their information is by joining Facebook.

Damnit. Someone tell me how to set my new profile to "blocked."

Subliminal

We had another (34 and counting) birthday party (also, 48 major holidays if you count Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter and Father's Day. But who's counting, right?) last night. There were some (three) surprise (family we've been waiting to have) guests. I am smiling (grinning with glee) just thinking about it (plbbbbbbbbt). Thanks for the picture, Numi (favorite).

Littlest Ms. Superstar

Tonight we finally celebrated Littlest Ms. Eris's birthday. She got a homemade rock star kit, complete with little stage, microphone and a cd of her favorite songs. The biggest hit? The purple hair extension headband from the dollar store. She is on her way to Superstardom!

I think my feelings about this birthday presesent could be best conveyed through a monologue from the made for t.v. movie "Long Island Lolita: The Amy Fisher Story" starring Alyssa Milano...

Represent.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Things I Do That My Dad Doesn't "Get"

Feel free to add to this list...

1. The cardboard Wesley Snipes head that I hung in my Geo Metro to keep people from breaking into my car. Again.
2. Enjoy a good tantrum (mine. Other people's emotional outbursts are ridiculous.).
3. Enjoy sleeping in.
4. Enjoy staying up late.
5. Listen to almost any of the music I listen to.
6. This. I can't be sure, but I'm going to bet his reaction to this will be, "Why?" Meanwhile, I find it to be absolute perfection.

The Hat Trick

Ok, people. Little Ms. Eris has broken her arm.

Isn't she cute? She told the nurse in November, when she had to watch her two siblings get tons of attention over their broken arms, that she wanted a cast. Well, one soccer game is all it took. She is enjoying all the attention and fawning - so send it her way.

For those of you keeping track: This makes three broken arms on three kids in nine months. So I would like to introduce you to our doctor. You can call him "Dr. Cool" for two reasons: first, he is the best doc in town; second, he has been cool enough not to notify DCFS about my clear sub-parenting.

Note: Before Little Ms. got her cast today I spent a couple of hours in Urgent Care with Little Mr. He left school early with a flag football injury.... deep tissue bruise, but no break. ~phew~

Dude in the House

Little Mr. Eris is a guy. Over the summer he started doing guy things. What are "guy things" you ask?

1. Using Axe hair product
2. Flirting with girls at the McDonald's
3. Emailing and calling girls in his class to make sure they would be at the pool
4. Wearing size 7 men's shoes
5. Showering daily - without a fight. He actually wants to smell good.

When did this happen? And what am I going to do with him now?

Milestone!

Today Roberta turned 200,000. We took the kids out for a short ride and some ice cream to watch the big moment happen.

Here's to the little, blue lady who:

- drove us to CA, ID, WY, CO and other fun getaways. And always in perfect safety.

- lovingly transported Little Ms. Eris home from the hospital.

- saw Mr. Eris through a harrowing sales position that required tons of miles of driving each week.

- took me to SLC daily during my last two careers.

- cradles my children while they sleep on drives.

- survived Mr. Eris and me ~wink~.

- looks lovely after 10 years and so many miles.

My Dad Was Right

You know what I love? Getting good and mad about something. I am really good at it. If engaging in verbal combat were an olympic sport I am sure I would have at least made the natioinal team - probably medalled.

You know what I used to hate? When Zeus used to "buddha" me. This is a family term and referred to Dad's tendency to derail my tantrums by saying something like, "You have no control over that so why be angry?" or "No one can make you feel that; you have control over how you react."

Seriously?

Well, last week I encountered a grave injustice. My department has found unique and creative ways to screw with me every year since I started my program. This year they rogered me good. As a result of bureaucracy and teaching assignments, I was forced to move from my cozy single occupancy office to an new cubicle with a roommate.

I was A.N.G.R.Y. During my tantrum I heard Zeus echoing in my head, "You have no control over that so why be angry?" and "No one can make you feel that; you have control over who you react." I was forced to try to be a grown up. And guess what? The woman I am cubing with is super nice. She is a first year and we have been enjoying each other's company.

Dad was right.... what else do you think he has been right about?

Counting Down

School starts in a couple of days - hooray! I should be spending this week resting and getting ready.... but no. I am spending it at work, moving my desk, chasing Little Mr. Eris to and from soccer tournaments, sending Littlest Ms. Eris back to school, attending multiple back-to-school nights, and trying to clean my house. It's been crazy.

But guess what? I have Sunday off. No church or anything. Double hooray!

Not To Show You Up Or Anything, But....

Remember this from the Duchess? Well, I am afraid I can beat it:
Yesterday I graded a paper with a used Hello Kitty bandaid on the last page. It left a juicy mark on the page when I moved it.

I Am That Mom

Dad left this morning so Numi was free to play all night at the pool! We took the Little Mr. and Ms. Erises and some dinner up around 5:30, looking forward to the quiet mostly adolescent-free environment that is the pool after the lifeguard leaves at 6. You see, with no lifeguard, you can only stay at the pool if you are 18 or older or with a parent. This leaves very few teenagers. yay!

Not tonight. Five kids stayed (one of whom was 18, the rest were 15-ish) and they proceeded to wrestle and play chicken in 75% of the shallow end. The little kids in the pool were banished to a little corner, lest they risk being swallowed up in the wrestling match or crushed by a falling chicken. Numi and I were more than a bit frustrated.

Then it happened. Little and Littlest Ms. Eris were floating around and ended up about a foot away from the melee. I got up and went to the side of the pool and started yelling at the kids:

Eris: "You guys have to calm it down. Stop being so rough! There are little kids in the pool and you are going to hurt one of them."

Snotty teenager: "We weren't going to land on them!"

Eris: "I'm sure you don't think so, but you were a foot away from them. Now calm it down!"

Snotty teenager: "Ok, but.."

Eris: "No but! Settle down or get out of the pool!"

Snotty teenager: "Ok, but..."

Eris: "No! No but! Settle down or get out of the pool before someone gets hurt!"

Snotty teenager: silence followed by quiet grumbling with his friends.

Then they left and Little Mr. Eris thanked me for embarrassing him and pretty much guaranteeing that he will never be asked to play shark again. Yes, I am the Mom that yells at your acquaintances and ensures you will be a social pariah for the rest of the summer. Send condolences to Little Mr.

PS - Happy Birthday, Athena!!

Pioneer Day Eve

Mr. Eris and I have just finished tucking all the children in. They have hung their thermal underwear from the mantel. Surely they are dreaming of Pioneer Pete and his covered wagon pulled by four magical oxen as he delivers whittled toys, rag dolls and horehound candy to those who have been good. I don't know who is more excited, the kids or me?

It's the most magical time of the year. And best of all? Our family from New York have travelled here to share this special holiday. Welcome J. and B.! We look forward to spending this most precious of days with you!

The Fastest I Ever Ran in My Whole Life

Today I went running in the mountains. I slept in too late to go with my usual running buddy, so I went with my favorite music blaring out of the speakers on my phone (couldn't find the headphones?).

It was a great run until I saw something 20 yards away. Something that jumped across the trail. Something that was bigger than my dogs and had a round tail and jumped like... a cat. Stop. Turn. Run away.

Too bad I had no "handy small children."



But I'll be bringing one next time, for sure.

Send Love

Hey everybody, send out some good vibes to my dad. It's good, but sad.

XOXOXO

The Sweetest Sound

Mr. Eris is in the kitchen teaching Little Mr. Eris how to make dinner.

I love the sound of a man cooking.

PS - I am in my bedroom on the internet while all of this is happening.

Kneeling at the Porcelain God

Remember this? Well last night we had a replay. The headache started at the Obon Festival. It was just a nuisance so I ignored it. By the time we got home at 11 it was full-on mind-numbing, and by midnight was complete with body spasms.

I spent my night kneeling over the toilet jamming a toothbrush into the back of my throat trying to make myself throw up, which usually takes the sharp edges off enough to sleep. It didn't. So I slept on the bathroom floor with my head between the toilet and the tub - the porcelain was cool on my forehead and helped a little.

So, here I am. Watching crappy Sunday t.v. and surfing the web instead of going to church. I slept until 12:30 this afternoon, but I feel like I ran a marathon and I am in the middle of enjoying the post headache. Everyone call Mr. Eris and tell him I am excused from Family Home Evening tonight - I don't think I can handle the stress or the noisy nieces and nephews.

sigh~

What can I say about this?

Brokeback Burger

The other day Mr. Eris and I were watching t.v. when this commercial came on.



He said, "Pathetic. She doesn't even know how to eat a burger. She ate the pineapple and then barely bit any of the burger."

Yeah, cuz that was the point of the commercial.

I Spent $4.50 on Those Stickers!

Friday night Mr. Eris and I ran out of ... provisions of the most absolutely necessary. You know the kind you need most often in the wee hours.... Good, we're all on the same page. On with the story.

Last night we went to the store. Our local store keeps these provisions (along with pregnancy tests) locked in a cabinet by the pharmacy. It was after 11 p.m. so yes, I expected the pharmacy to be closed. What I did not expect is the cabinet to be locked. I went to the checkout counter and asked the woman on shift to unlock the cabinet. Guess what? No one in the store had a key.

That's just fan-fracking-tastic. I guess tonight I will work on my scrapbooking a la Edward Cullen instead of, well, what I was hoping to do.

My own personal frustration aside, I am forced to wonder about others who enter the store on the same errand as mine. What if they are young kids who once thwarted decide to just give up and go ahead without provisions? How many unplanned pregnancies and STDs originated outside this locked cabinet?

PS - Read the link. It is hilarious, riddled with naughty words and will explain the title of this post.

Little Mr. Is Disgusted. But Little Ms. Is Inspired.

Yesterday at the pool Little Ms. Eris informed me that she wanted to get her belly-button pierced. She gave me a very mishievious look as she said it, as though she expected me to freak out and tell her it was gross and wrong.

But the freaking out was reserved for Little Mr. Eris when he saw the scar on my belly from the belly-button ring I got when I was 18. He said, "You did not have a belly-button ring!" I said, "Uh-huh. See." Then he turned to Numi and said, "How could you let her do that?!"

I never thought I had something in my past that would shock or embarrass my kids.... but there you go. In their eyes, I am a reformed sinner.

Happy Father's Day

Today on postsecret they had all Father's Day postcards. There were two that were particularly powerful to me. Here is the first:

The second one was a little farther up. I am not posting it because Zeus wouldn't like it and he would be right.

But people will know.

Random Awesomeness

Oh my gosh! I pull my feathered hair whenever I see a floating cloth, too!

Call It What You Want - He's Still Hot

Oh, Baby

It looks good.

Grounded

When I was a teenager, my best friend and I had season passes to Lagoon. We went three or four times a week. Her mom would drop us off and Numi would pick us up at night, usually at 10. We would play all day, pick up boys (I got my first kiss from a boy I met at Lagoon), and generally stay in the park way too late. We would run out to meet Numi with some fastastic lie about my watch breaking, getting caught in a line when a ride broke, or my favorite (because it was completely below the belt): "No, you said 10:30. You must have forgotten." She never bought it and I always got in trouble - all because when I am having fun with a friend I lose track of time and get home late.

Yesterday I did the same thing. I had permission to stay late from school to play with mfranti. We swam and talked about bikes and went to the bookstore and rode through Downtown. I got on the train and had to call Numi and say, "I have no excuse. I just stayed and played too long."

She grounded me. And I deserve it.

Things That Are Awesome

1. Antibiotics, specifically amoxicillin. I am now safe to be around the general public.
2. Little Erises who, when hearing me degrade my mothering skills, yell "You are not a bad mom!"
3. Thrift store shopping. Count it:

Structure jeans for Mr. Eris: $4.99
Hiking boots for Little Mr.: $5.99
Knee-length Nike running shorts: $3.99
Two bike shirts: $3.99 ea. (wearing one right now!)
Bike shorts $7.99 (wearing em right now!)
Tri bottom (with running skirt!!) - normally $60 new -
for: $7.99

4. Knowing that the pool will be open in a couple of weeks and I have three
best friends who will be up there all summer. Can't wait to play Googamus,
Duchess and Numi!!
5. Yesterday I got back on the trails for the first time this season. Mountains look great, feel great, smell great; they are great.
6. Today I joined the mfranti club and rode my bike to the train. It felt fantastic (but I don't know how I will make it up any hills while I tote my backpack.
7. Camping. Going this weekend. Can't wait to sleep in a tent and wake up in the cold mountains.
8. Open windows. I opened all the windows over the weekend and I love the breezes blowing through.
9. My garden. The victory garden is in (with 2nd generation plants, since I brutally murdered my first batch) and I am loving my daily time in the dirt.
10. The way the Little Erises look in the morning. Their hair is all stand-up-ish and they just look adorable.
11. Soccer. It's here and it aint going anywhere so I am deciding spending my weekends at soccer games is awesome.

This is a partial list that will be updated throughout the next few days.
So what do you think is awesome?

cooties

I have strep throat. It sucks. If you are the jerk who gave this to me, you owe me a sincere apology.

Sing Along

Everything is graded, posted and turned in. Having grown up on musicals, this is how I believe I should celebrate the end of the school year and the beginning of my summer break from class.

I Miss You, Numi

I Love that Chef!

The Daily Show went to Sweden. While the political point they are making is fabulous (bring on the socialism if I will look like those women!), I am sharing it so you can all have a better understanding of Mr. Eris. And you get to see Benny from ABBA. Can't beat that!

Part I

Part II

Eris Has a Crush

Today I saw mfranti naked. And then we walked together and got beverages together and talked about deep issues.

I think I am in love - in a strictly fMh/hippie/mouthy broad/platonic kind of way.

No, m! Don't run away! Be my friend!! (I will share my odd peanut m&ms with you!)

Happy Earth Day!

I don't expect you to do anything fantastic - Little Mr. Eris is going to "turn a light off for a minute" so there's your bar. But, do try to drive less, turn off your lights if you don't need them, don't buy bottled water, and on and on. Feel free to share your activities for the day.

This morning

1. Alarm would not stop going off on my car.... at 4:50 am
2. Couldn't get keys untangled to get the car started
3. Problem with the switches (or some trainy thing) on Frontrunner line so my train is now 40 minutes behind schedule. Normally, I would just cancel class but I have group presentations today so I have five students who will be freaking out waiting for me and I have no way to contact them last minute. Mr. Eris lovingly agreed to come to SLC to get me to school on time, then the train started running miraculously without a hitch so I called to tell him nevermind.
4. He had already left (the man is fast!). So I feel awful for getting up so early.
5. While talking to him on the phone, he ran over something and got a flat tire. At 6:30 am. With no idea where the spare tire is because we've never had to use it.

The day had better get better! Especially for Mr. who did nothing to deserve this.

I Told You So!

Numi:
Look here http://www.nytimes.com/2001/10/26/books/books-of-the-times-in-a-no-man-s-land-of-memories-and-loss.html

''Austerlitz'' contains fascinating asides about such disparate matters as military fortifications, capitalist architecture and the secret lives of moths; a charming tale about a boy's homing pigeon, who walks home with a broken wing, and a short history of the land on which the Liverpool Street Station was built in London.

and here http://www.curledup.com/pigeonsb.htm

A few years back, Marty entered a three-hundred-mile race. She didn't return home. Her human companion, Orlando, assumed she had been killed. But, two weeks after the race, Orlando found Marty on his porch. She had a broken wing; she had apparently walked home.
Marty was a homing pigeon, one of dozens of breeds of the ubiquitous species of pigeon. Most of us are accustomed to seeing rock doves, one breed, almost everywhere we travel. In Pigeons: The Fascinating Saga of the World's Most Revered and Reviled Bird, author Andrew D. Blechman explains these birds’ histories and uses and centuries of human obsession with them. The birds apparently inspire great love or great hatred and little in between.

Victory is mine!

AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

This one is going to freaking rock.

For Zeus

The orange slice is slowly getting bigger, though!

Challenge

Watch this... and don't cry.

I Believe the Word You are Looking for is: DUH!

Last night Little Mr. Eris had a soccer game at 5:30. I was thrilled because my Monday night class was cancelled so we could each meet individually with the professor to discuss our final projects. I met with her in her office and we chatted for a bit - but she was really busy, so I left. The I went to my early class and headed home from school to cheer on the Crossfire.

Today I got an email informing me of all the stuff that was decided during class last night. Wait, last night? How is that possible? Yeah, I messed up the dates. Next week is when class is cancelled - I actually should have been there last night.

So I have emailed my professor and am now sitting here completely mortified that I could be that stupid.

Congratulate Me?

For a year I have had a friend loaning me a bike for races. He is an expert biker and a great guy who swore he could get me a killer deal on a bike.

Yesterday I dared him to prove it.

Today he got me a bike. Mr. Eris said I should get it because it was a killer deal and I am going to get hurt if I don't start using a good bike.
It's really pretty....

and I can't afford it.

He is such a show off.

You are in I-O-W-A!

It's late and not historically accurate, but I can't help but sing whenever I think about it. So everyone, sing along!

We can be cold as the falling thermometer in December
if you ask about the weather in July!
And we're so by-darned stubborn we can stand touching noses
for a week at a time and never see eye to eye.

But we'll give you the right
to marry who you wanna
and be gald to see
you walking down the aisle.

Anyone know of a song that references Vermont? I am singing about that one now, too.

Because I Don't Twitter

4:45 pm - OMG! I met Michael Chabon and he signed my Kavalier and Klay! He is brilliant... read a Poe poem. Can't wait to hear him read from his newest book tomorrow.

1:30 pm - Eris is waiting anxiously to see the brilliant Michael Chabon in person.
So excited it's making my tummy flutter! Will update after he reads...

Enabler

I have a friend at school named Kyle. We started in the same co-hort and have had a class together almost every semester. He is fun (I define fun as someone who can swap movie quotes and he occassionally wears a shirt that says Muggle). Over the course of our 2 years knowing each other he has made many comments about my eating habits. He thinks it is funny when I tear my tortillas in exact quarters before folding each quarter in half and eating them. And Kyle has been the beneficiary of many an odd m&m when my colors don't come out even.

A couple of weeks ago I took him a pair of cute, pink baby girl tennis shoes for his cute little baby nugget. Well, tonight when I got to class he presented me with the following (Athena, brace yourself):


That my friends, would be five bags of peanut m&ms each sorted to have even numbers in each bag.

Our Victory Garden

Those of you who remember the first few years we spent in our adorable little fixer-upper will likely recall that the yard and garden areas were, well, abysmal. They were overrun with morning glory and we had dead trees all over the back yard. We have worked very hard on these little spots and while there is still much work to be done, I am happy to report that this year, after four years of progressively increasing success with flowers, veggies and fruits, we have accomplished what I once believed to be the impossible: Realistic planting plans for every square inch of dirt.

And we are just in time! Apparently, gardening is all the rage this year - with the gigantic turd we call an economy, everyone is trying to save a couple of pennies. I was uber-excited when I saw this in the news. I don't look nearly as stylish or put together when I garden as Mrs. Obama does, but I admire her boots.

Back to us. This year we are trying to do everything from seeds, with a full-on start garden in the kitchen. Bask in its glory:

If you're curious, that's 82 cells, each with two seeds germinating. The list includes 3 varieties of tomato, cucumber, squash, onions, radishes, pumpkin, watermelon, cantaloupe, peas, beans, carrots, and corn (for later). We are enjoying watching new seedlings pop up and grow. Mr. Eris and I are fighting each other to be the first to spot each new one as it appears, which means we have to check hourly.

Yay for gardens!

Chad

Littlest Ms. Eris has an imaginary friend. His name is Chad. He is 3. He ate dinner with us tonight. He had a plate with gravy on it. Then we sent him home because Littlest wouldn't eat her dinner.

I'll let you know if he comes to church with us tomorrow.

Winter Layer

I have registered for my first tri of the season. It's going to take a lot of work, because currently:

My jeans are tighter.

My skin is bulging out of the openings in my swimsuit.

My bra is a little full.

It's time to get back on the horse.

Taking After Mom

Last week I took Littlest Ms. Eris to SLC for a meeting I had on my day off. Littlest loves to ride the trains so she was very excited. All the way down she played with puzzles and asked tons of questions. We went to my meeting and then we walked back to the train. On the Trax ride she started looking out the window trying to tell me what colors and shapes she saw.

Then it got quiet....

Mysteriously quiet....

Almost an eery quiet....

It was too quiet....

I have never seen her so quiet....

What could she possibly be looking at that would have her so enthralled....

Hmmmm.... maybe I should check on her....

Seriously. Try and tell me that isn't the cutest thing you have ever seen - I dare you.

The Gap, Part Deux

I suspect the internet has ruined teaching. Before you go all nutsy defending the relative ease with which students can find useful information, the convenience of email for student-teacher (and even parent) communication, and all that other crap - save it. I have heard it before. And I am a fan of all those things, not to mention the vast wealth of entertaining and useful clips available on youtube and hulu for me to include in my lectures.

I stand by my statement: The internet has ruined teaching. My students, the same ones who expect that they start with an A, now expect me to put a study guide up on webct and post their speaking schedule (which they signed up for!) online. Apparently they believe it's so easy to put it on webct that they no longer have any responsibility to remember vital information. And I'm not even going to start about the geniuses who cheat by pasting an entire webpage into their papers (see how I sneaked that in there even though I said I wouldn't?).

What would have happened six years ago, before the internet made its debut on college campuses, if these students lost their speaking order? I'll tell you what: The Duchess would have told me to ask another student in the class and left it at that (true story). And do you know why? Because she recognized I was a grown up and it wasn't her job to babysit me.

Breakfast of Champions

I took a later train this morning so that at 5 am Little Mr. Eris and I could eat Cheerios.

He. Is. So. Cute.

Call Me Holland Petalpockets

The Psych Nickname Generator. I love it almost as much as I love the show.



Googamus, I expect to see yours ASAP.

Bragging.

A few weeks ago I submitted a paper to a conference for my first time ever. The deadline for submission was 3:00. At 2:45 I closed my eyes, gritted my teeth and hit the send button before I could change my mind (because the paper wasn't perfect). I just got an email that I will be presenting said paper at the conference on March 13.

I am so excited! I have never dared submit anything before so I picked something local, but a conference is a conference and it will look so pretty on my CV. For those of you dying to know, the title of the paper is:

Social Construction of the Energy Independence and Security Act of 2007:

A narrative analysis.

Yay. Today I feel brave and smart.

When The Hell Did That Happen?

My kids are growing up. Without giving you any details, let's just say that the computer is locked for any websites that I have not pre-approved and I have to be careful what I look at when I clean kids' rooms.

Massive Headwound Harry

I used to love the Saturday Night Live skit where the guy had a big, gaping, bloody headwound and walked around like nothing was wrong. It was so funny. Well, meet the Little Ms. Erises, who have just demonstrated the Second Principle of Eris's Law, which states:

"A Little Eris will never experience a major illness or injury without the accompaniment of a second Little Eris."

So, from left to right we have Littlest Ms. Eris who decided last night that she could run through walls. Yes, that's through walls. One bloody, bruised and very likely broken nose later, she is once again a slave to the law of physics.

To her right we have Little Ms. Eris who valiantly fought the playground using only her forehead today. The playground won and she came home with a nice gooseegg and scraped up brain bucket.

Little Mr. Eris starts real-life Boy Scouts tonight. Maybe one of those big kids will crack him in the jaw and I'll have a complete set!

Someone Check the Back of My Neck for the Scar

Last night I made banana bread. I baked for no purpose, other than I felt the need to bake.

It is obvious that someone has implanted a chip in my body and that that chip is making me behave strangely. This is the only reasonable explanation.

Variations on Hope

Here are the Inauguration Dresses the Little Ms. Erises wore to church on January 18th. If you asked Littlest Ms. Eris what she wore, she said, "Inauguration Dress. Barack Obama!"

Special thanks to Grandma Numismatist for making Inauguration Dresses in lieu of Christmas Dresses this year.

Here is the pin that appeared at the center of the black bows.

And, drum roll, please......................

Here are the treats Mr. Eris's co-worker brought back from D.C. for me.

That's right, it's a program, a commemorative subway ticket, a pen (that works great!) and a button (that makes the president and first lady look like your town's most trusted news team.

It's 5:30 a.m.

I am on the train that left at 5:10 in the morning. Despite all my good intentions, my 4 o'clock mornings have not been supplemented by an earlier bedtime. I have, however, started napping under my desk at school.

The bonus of the early mornings? Today is Friday and I will be home by 11 a.m. Mr. Eris has Fridays off and all the kids are in school, which means we will have four hours of grown-up time. We will be napping or something else and will not answer the phone so don't bother calling.

Awkward: The Sequel

Today I came back to school. This means I went back to the gym. Yay! I elected to start off with my favorite activity: swimming. I swam. I showered. Then I went to my class.

Oh, did I mention that my teacher was the woman who showered next to me after the pool?

So, I Guess This Means the Break is Over?

Prologue:
I have been enjoying this week with the Little Erises back at school and me being all childless 3 days a week. I did some shopping (I love Target and Old Navy clearance racks). I did lots of organizing. And I am still dealing with student questions on grades that I got roped into posting. (Rant: Damn-it! If you can't read an excel spreadsheet you should not be teaching quantitative methods!)

I go back to school next week. I am one of those strange types who completely loves going back to school. It's fun for a few weeks, tedious for a few weeks, a mad dash to the end for a few weeks.... and then you get to start over with new binders and dividers and color-coding! Awesome.

Today I got the emails detailing the homework I have due on the Monday. That would be Monday, also known as "the first day of class!" I have a paper due! And six articles and three chapters to read! No kidding, I have a Political Science class with assigned reading in the form of a book a week and a typed review of said book. And no, this is not a random book. It's stuff like: New Federalism: Intergovernmental Reform and Political Change from Nixon to Reagan. And with the required book review I will not be able to make my usual two charming, yet insightful comments during class to demonstrate that I did the assigned reading (even though I actually only read 2/3, just like everyone else in the class). NOOOOOOO. I have to finish the whole thing! And understand it enough to write about it!

[Sidebar] Duchess, this is why I am not in Political Science. I can only handle one of these types of classes a semester.

On the plus side, I found a set of index tabs for my binders that has 16 preprinted dividers AND a box of 3-hole punched copy paper! Um, score!