Eris Will Drive Over You, Damnit!

It was bound to happen: I am overcome with road rage. I have a one-hour commute to my job, which means I spend roughly 10 hours in my car every week. I have, in the past, quite enjoyed my commute. Traffic doesn’t bother me too much and I appreciate the chance to listen to Radio From Hell in the morning and NPR on the way home. It’s my “me” time.

Well, yesterday I became a less than nice person on the road. The incident went a like this:

Eris: Oh, there’s an accident 100 yards ahead, I’d better merge into the open lane.
A**hole in Sports Car (AISC): Oh, there’s an accident 100 yards ahead. I’ll drive 90 yards in this lane and then cut someone off at the last minute.
Eris: Look at this yahoo driving past all the other cars, knowing full well he will have to get over. He’s not even signaling or looking to get over! People better make him wait.
AISC: Hmmm. I’m now at the accident. I’ll start merging into the other lane, and then force my way in.
Eris: Oh no you don’t. (Inching the car forward so you could turn a lump of coal into a diamond between my bumper and the bumper in front of me.)
AISC: What?!?! Don’t you know the world revolves around me? I’ll show you. (Pulls behind Eris and flips her off – with both hands.)
Eris: Listen buddy, if I had my way, you’d still be waiting to get in this lane! (Blow him a kiss.)

Not too bad, right? It was very exciting when it happened – and it stayed with me all night. I felt guilty that this guy was mad at me. I wonder if he even entertains the thought that his driving was inconsiderate and Eris was just trying to teach him a lesson. Probably not. His compensating-for-shortcomings car and sunglasses made it pretty clear that he is far too important to be bothered with merging at the proper moment.

So there you have it. I have become a bitter woman on the road. I wonder if they make little Zen gardens for the dash board?

Eris Joins the 21st Century

So I have been married for more than 10 years. In those years we have watched television via "rabbit ears." Yes, you read right: no cable or satellite - nada. We have also ventured out onto the interweb on a dial up connection. It's been a strange and very slow ride.

All that changed yesterday. Much to my displeasure, Keith ordered us up a big helping of Comcast: digital cable and DSL. This wouldn't bother me so much if we were both working - thus living with looser belts. Well, we got the cable and the DSL and I have to say, "I love it!" I am sitting in my family room, laptop on lap, blogging (at the speed of ... let's just say I don't miss watching the screen load up piece my hugging piece), and I'm flipping between VH1 and ESPN.

Last night I watched 2 hours of ESPN and Fox Sports Network. I don't know what I have been doing with my time! Reading? Talking to my family? Whatever. From this moment on, I will be watching the World Series of Pop Trivia, the Daily Show, the Colbert Report, and Sports Center - in that order. All of this, while blogging and IMing. I'll be doing this until my eyes adjust to the screen and I look like Golem from Lord of the Rings.

Now you might say, "But Eris, shouldn't you exercise some self control and turn off the t.v. and computer?" I say to you, "Mind your own damn business. I have to make up for an entire decade of being out of the loop. Now shut up! Joe Buck is calling the game."

Eris is a Hero

In honor of my comic book nerd husband, I thought I'd give it a shot. Who would've guessed I'd get the one with the crappiest movie?! Although "sexy assasin ninja" does sound an awful lot like me.

You Are Elektra

There's really no superhero with more style than you. Because who could beat being sexy assasin ninja?

What Superhero Are You?

In the Mood to Celebrate

I live a charmed life. I admit it. Not a lot of tragedy has befallen me, and I am grateful. Last year, I witnessed unholy amounts of tragedy from the front row, the result being I am now much more grateful for the way fortune smiles upon me.

Last night I had a great party with family and friends. I have a wonderful husband who loves me, and he’s not too hard on the eyes. I have 3 adorable children who are all healthy and developing as they should. We live in comfort. And today, I got good news and feel as though I have, once again, avoided tragedy. So I think it’s time to enjoy the people I love.

Tonight Keith and I will go out with friends – have a nice dinner and enjoy good conversation. We will watch a game and just relax. It may not sound like much, but I believe nights like this are what life is meant for. A summer evening in jeans and sandals, eating too much, laughing too loud, smelling the grass, and watching a live sporting event. We will talk about silly things and serious things. We will tell stories we don’t know about each other. And as I sit with my friends I will be thinking of how lucky I am.

Lucky to have my friends.
Lucky to have my family.
Lucky to have it all.

Eris Loves her Puppies

My 2 adorable dogs have looked miserable this summer. We take good care of them, but they always look homeless, and this year they look especially neglected. I think it has to do with the 90 degree weather we had in April (freaking April!!). Regardless of the cause, my dogs have shedded and molted continuously for 3 months.

So last night we took Mabel, the Border Collie, and had to shave her down. She didn’t really enjoy this, but it was either a shave or a summer of sweltering. Have you ever wondered what happens to the hair you shave off a dog? The 72 pounds of fur we took off the dog ended up in two different places: on my shirt and on the back deck – minus the daily poundage she leaves all over my house.

What I have realized this year is that my dogs leave enough hair in my house to make an entirely new dog! Amazingly, the hair gravitates together under one chair in my kitchen. It is reminiscent of the scene in Terminator 2 where the liquid all moves together to reform the robot.

Would we tolerate this type of filth and mess from anything else? Would I allow any other animal to tackle and run over me, leaving bunches and bunches of hair all over me? The answer is no. But the reason I do is simple: my dogs are my comfort. When I leave, they are always thrilled to see me again – they literally jump up and down at my return! They kiss me when I need it, and even when I don’t. They play with my kids. They have scared away more than one unwanted visitor to my home, and they welcome wanted visitors with leaps and licks. They are my source of unconditional love.

So I will shave them. I will pick gross things out of their hair. I will forgive them when they eat a shoe or pee on the floor (this almost never happens). Because I know that nothing I do will come close to giving them as much and they have given me.

Hastily Awaiting Your Return

Ok, so as I mentioned, I have 3 fabulous friends, each of whom fills a unique role. Faith is my memory. Best friends for nearly 20 years, we know each others’ secrets; when the other is lying; and all the embarrassing stuff we’ve each lived through. Casi is my mirror. She has 2 ½ kids and works out of the home and we are both married to wonderful, adolescent-ish men (defined as a man who spends more time on a gameboy or computer game than reading a book or talking to adults). With such similar lives, I have the chance to view my life through hers. It’s quite reassuring.

This leads us to Leah: my brain. I just feel smarter when she’s around. We can talk about politics and baseball – she is a Yankee fan :( but I have learned to love her anyway. GO SOX! Anyway, she has been away for 2 weeks. 2 WEEKS!! I have missed her, and find it very inconsiderate that she was gone for so long. So what if she was visiting family and attending weddings and spending important time in special places – I want her here! I bought a book about baseball statistics and how there are all these new methodologies and ideas in how to better assess and predict a players’ performance. She’d love it. Is she here to discuss it? Nooooo.

It is funny how when someone goes away, your mind makes it seem like so much more time than it really is. I can remember things I did at work 2 weeks ago like they were yesterday – it went by soooo fast. But it seems like it’s been months since I saw Leah. Plus, it’s harder to go kickboxing with no one to drag my sorry butt there.

So here is the new rule: no one goes away for more than 3 days without prior written notice. Even better: next time, take me with you!