An RFP

Today at work I had a moment of panic. Without divulging too much, I can safely tell you that I had the chance to apply for some funding, but because I never received information on the application process and I didn’t HOUND someone about the process, I ended up doing a quickie application and throwing three people into a tailspin at noon today.

This sucks.

I hate that I inconvenienced others. I hate that I looked like a disorganized, flighty moron. I hate that I didn’t stalk the guy who had the information I needed (further evidence that I dislike the begging for money portion of my job). But most of all, I hate that now that I have made this completely correctible error, I cannot get rid of the knot in my stomach.

So my internets, I am issuing an RFP: submit a proposal detailing how you would teach Eris to be ok with her mistakes. Include a plan for long-term mistakes (i.e. the lie I told my friends in 6th grade, that I immediately confessed to them, but still feel guilty about!) as well as a plan for imaginary mistakes (I actually went to my bishop once because I was worried that I may have committed a sin years ago – it ended with him sort of laughing at me).

What I’m looking for is a strategy for not getting caught up in this kind of stuff. Why can’t I be more like Mr. Eris who called in sick for work yesterday so he could host his buddies for poker night? He had no guilt, whatsoever. I feel like I need to fast for forgiveness just because I didn’t stop him.

Submit immediately. I’d like to get a good nights sleep sometime soon.

A Love Note

Dear Person Who Stole My Credit Card Number:

I hope you enjoy the purchases you made from Bed, Bath & Beyond and Home Depot on my Target Visa. Hopefully, you purchased ice cube trays and a fan - it's going to be hot down there.

Sincerely,
Eris

Exactly How Old is Dirt, Anyway?

I had one of those violent-shove-into-reality experiences today. The scene: an off-site visit with two co-workers, each of whom is slightly (less than 8 years) younger than I. While off-site, I saw a t-shirt that read, “You might be older than dirt if…” and then proceeded to list several items, a few of which I will share with you now.
- You remember candy cigarettes
- You remember soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
- You remember S&H Green Stamps

Now, there were others on the list that I recognized, and probably half of the list meant nothing to me.

As I laughed and thought out loud about my fond memories of getting busted with candy cigarettes, buying glass bottles out of the JMM pop machine, and the books of Green Stamps my mom collected, my co-workers looked at me with a combination of sadness and pity.

They had NEVER seen a glass pop bottle?! They didn’t know about Green Stamps?!?! Imagine trying to explain Green Stamps to someone who is too young to remember wooden nickels or the Brady Bunch episode where the boys want to use the Green Stamps to buy a canoe and the girls want to buy a new oven, but they learn to compromise and buy a new t.v. It’s almost impossible!

So, here’s my theory: the generation gap lies somewhere between 1977 and 1979. Both of my co-workers were born in 1981 and they had no idea what I was talking about. As further evidence, I recall a friend born in 1980 who stared blankly when I told him about vinyl and record players and just last week I had someone ask me, “Airplane? Is that like a movie or something?”

Help me out, internet loves… Was it all really that long ago?

So That Happened

I'm walking down the hall at work.

A client you've met before comes up to me and stands right next to me.

She mutters, "You're gonna die."

nice.

My Weekend

Little Mr. Eris turned 9 over the weekend. He's getting so big - like a gross boy.
Anyway... last year we started a new tradition for his birthday: nordic sports. He likes to snowboard, which I completely disagree with because I have been a skier since I was 3. Snowboarding is the sissy way. But I had to let the kid board because the Newbie boards and Little Mr. Eris worships the Newbie. So my kid is now a knuckle-dragger - practically the missing link.

Aside from the fundamental disagreement over whether snowboarding is, in fact, a sport, we had a great day. It was warm, so it was kind of like skiing through a slurpie.

Fortunately, Little Mrs. Eris is still young enough that I can force her to ski.
I spent half the day skiing down the mountain backwards saying this: "Pizza slice. [pause] PIZZA SLICE. [pause] PIZZA SLICE!!" While I yelled this she put her skis together and parallel and skied as fast as she could straight down the mountain. The backwards skiing did give me a great calf workout. Love her!

PS - Welcome back Duchess!

The Geek G-Spot

Ok, Meemoo and Loki: Check this out

All the rest of you, you'll most likely want to just move along.

WARNING: STOP THE VIDEO BEFORE YOU GET TO THE CAT ME IF YOU CAN SONG. THAT'S NOT YOUR PURPOSE.

Welcome Back, Baby

Happy to report that Mabel is back from her 10-day doggy time-out. She is a bit more reserved than she used to be, but other than that she's great and the vet has given her a clean bill of health.

Now... if I could just convince Mr. Eris that she is no longer an "outside" dog!

Better than W.

Well, the final decision is in. I have been weighed and measured, and have been sent the following:

I am sorry to inform you that our admissions committee decided against offering you admission into our program.... This means that some applicants were not admitted because they were competing against others who had similar interests and offered an equally strong, if not stronger, fit with our department.
See ya, wouldn't want to be ya,
the University of Washington.

and...

Your academic background and interests appear to be a good match with the research interests and strengths of our facutly, and we look forward to welcoming you as a member of our department community.
Hugs and kisses,
the University of Utah.

So, Utahns love me. Washingtonians, not so much. I read each letter with a mixture of apprehension and relief. It's good to know that I got in somewhere, and it's great to know I don't have to move or pay for babysitting while I try to do this ~wink~.

In the final analysis, though, all that matters is that my approval rating is 50%. That is 13 points better than the President of the United States at last count.

PS - I promised my mom I wouldn't tell her about this while she was in Hawaii. So, shhhhhhhhh. Let's see if she's been checking up on me.

Eris is Torn, Here

Ok, I have a problem with this for a couple of reasons:

1. Is "That's so gay" really the wittiest retort this girl could come up with? She's making the rest of us look bad.
2. Keeping in mind the fact that I love, love, love the gays: you could argue that this dumb girl had no true idea what she was saying. I hear "That's retarded" all the time, and people look shocked when I'm call them on it.
3. How many of the kids who were teasing this girl about being Mormon got a disciplinary note in their file? HMMMMM?!?!?!?
4. Why are her parents asking for "damages?" Just sue for the note to be removed and be done. Don't try to make a dime off this.