Can't Sleep

I have a defect. Perfectionism. I am not perfect: that is the problem. Tonight while trying to fall asleep, I realized I had made a small mistake at work today. Nothing catastrophic. It could make me look like a doofus if my boss has to find out, but I don't think that will happen.

Anyway, I am now unable to sleep.

I do this all the time. I make a mistake and I act like it's the end of the world. "Oh no! People will actually realize that I am prone to error." Let the overreacting and irritable bowel begin. Could someone please help me gain some perspective, here?

PS - To Mom again, you'll notice the rant has changed slightly just to be safe. :)

Beware: A Rant

I have been absent recently, due, in part, to some emergency family situations, but mostly because our laptop just up and quit on us. UGH! So in honor of our crappy computer and the fact that I am an inch away from strangling the next a**hole who bugs me at work – here’s another list of things that are pissing me off.

1. Second-hand laptops that work perfectly for 3 months and then die - repeatedly.

2. People telling me to eat something. Or even better: People asking my husband if I'm ok because I've lost weight and, apparently, have bags under my eyes?!?! Thanks, that feels good.

3. The fact that I am in the mood to crank some System of a Down, but am at work and must, therefore, settle for something that doesn’t have a parental warning sticker.

4. Blah, blah, blah. Things about work.

5. Tumors in the bone. FU** YOU!

6. People who claim poverty to me. I work for a non-profit, am the sole bread-winner in the family, and in two weeks will be faced with a literal SH**-load of medical bills (see #5). Don’t tell me how poor you are, I really don’t want to hear about it.

7. The liberal media myth. This one’s just under my skin right now because I’m watching the post-election coverage and it’s so blatantly pro-conservative/Republican that I could vomit.

8. Criminals as church leaders. If you have, oh I don’t know, embezzled thousands of dollars from a previous employer YOU ARE A THIEF, not a spiritual advisor.

9. Cramps and anything involving my nether regions. I’d like to saw myself in half.

10. The fact that I have to wait until March or April to find out about school. I miss being in school so badly right now, and I just want to know if I’m going or if I’m trapped here for another hellishly boring year. Dear UW, Please let me be a Husky. Love always, Eris.

Wow, I really do feel better now.

PS - Mom, I'm really ok.

YAHOOOOOOOO!

I cannot contain my glee today. Overwhelming happiness for the following:

- San Francisco's Nancy Pelosi (BTW, she spent 50 years as a June freaking Cleaver, stay-at-home mom) is the likely Speaker of the House. A woman will be 3rd in line for the presidency. Don't get me wrong, I dislike President Bush and all he and his crazy-ass conservative buddies stand for, but I don't wish him ill. My glee over Nancy Pelosi is that it just brings us one step closer.
Ovaries in the Oval Office!

- Missouri and stem cell research. Claire McCaskill is a pro-choice, pro-family liberall who strongly supports stem cell research. And as Ms. McCaskill went, so went the approval of stem cell research on the ballot.

- South Dakota and my uterus can now be friends. Thanks to all South Dakotans who voted down the abortion ban. Thanks for definitively stating that I, as a grown woman who can be trusted as an employee, as a mother, and as a citizen, can actually be trusted to make a wise and informed decision on what to do with my body.

There's much more, but considering that I was up until 12:30 watching returns and I am not being the most productive at work... I should really get back to work.

UPDATE: Seriously, Donald Rumsfeld resigns? I am giddy. Dance naked in the streets giddy.

Lefty, pinko, tree-hugging, tax-hiking, French-speaking, pro-choice, feminazi... and Damn Proud of It!

Your 'Do You Want the Terrorists to Win' Score: 100%

You are a terrorist-loving, Bush-bashing, "blame America first"-crowd traitor. You are in league with evil-doers who hate our freedoms. By all counts you are a liberal, and as such cleary desire the terrorists to succeed and impose their harsh theocratic restrictions on us all. You are fit to be hung for treason! Luckily George Bush is tapping your internet connection and is now aware of your thought-crime. Have a nice day.... in Guantanamo!

Do You Want the Terrorists to Win?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

November 3, 4, 6

I’m not entirely sure how to write this, and it will undoubtedly sound self-absorbed, so maybe I shouldn’t. But I have to let something out and this is the place to do it.

Tomorrow is November 4, which makes Sunday November 5. A date which likely means nothing to most of the world. But I meet November 5 with mixed emotions. It was one year ago that I watched helplessly from the sidelines as two of the best friends I have in my life went through unspeakable events. The details aren’t important, let’s just say they were in pain and I could do nothing to make it better.

The past year has brought more tears than I thought I could cry and such a feeling of uselessness. I am a “fixer.” I want things to be perfect for everyone and I will do all I can to make it so. But this… this I couldn’t fix. I watched these women and all I could do was listen to them, hope to find the right words to help and pray. A LOT.

I am praying. I went to the temple for them (even the Catholic one, because I know she would appreciate any gesture of faith). They seem to be doing well – a testament to their strength. Still, I sit by the phone, ready to talk to them if they need it, but afraid to call them for fear of dragging them down when they may have just gotten back up.

So I meet November 5, not knowing what to do. I feel the urge to tell it to fu** off. It’s a horrible day that I don’t want my friends to ever think of again.

I feel the urge to weep uncontrollably, for the pain they went through and the loss they suffered.

I want to scream at the world, “Stop moving! These women need a damn ticker tape parade!” Then I will line everyone up and make them cheer and throw roses.

But strangely enough, I feel the urge to celebrate on this day – getting one of them drunk and singing karaoke with the other – because they have made it through. This to me is bigger than the sadness. They are brilliant and beautiful and amazing. They are more than I ever could be. They will make it to November 6, 2006.

Give That Woman a Freaking Medal!

Oh man, I'd like to shake this woman's hand.