What I've Learned

While I doubt I can offer as much worthwhile items as Homer J. Simpson , I have some things I have learned as well.

- Finishing college is easy, as long as you have a loose timetable.
- I don't have the energy to chase after annoying people.
- As long as you have checks or a credit card, you always have "money."
- Any job in customer service is simple, as long as you don't have to deal with the general public.
- Everyone just needs to give me a second to think.
- Lunch dates are never as great as you planned.
- When someone in a suit looks at you for more than 5 seconds, it is never good.
- Husbands will do almost anything for you in exchange for a look at a boob.
- Children will only get sick on the weekend or on a holiday, but never when the doctor is in and has a moment.
- Dogs can heal anything that hurts, especially your heart.
- Most things that are good for you in the long run, suck in the now (Yes, I am talking to you, exercise.)
- Three letters that are never in a good sentence: STD.
- Dinner with my grandma will always include this sentence: "Oh, you remember insert name here. You knew them when you were 4."
- Time spent with my sister will include three things: laughing at inappropriate stories, at least one bruise, and an occular strain from rolling my eyes at her.
- You will never catch a bouncy ball on the first bounce.
- Being around my mother will ultimately force me to reexamine some decision I have made.
- Children do not know how to whisper.
- Voting for a Texan will lead to ruination - LBJ, George W. Bush, case closed.
- There is no more futile exercise than cleaning my house. 3 kids + 2 dogs = always messy.
- Having really good friends will make life easier.
- Your mom really was right. Damn!
- There is nothing wrong in the world that could not be made right with a new pair of shoes.

Ok, now share what you've learned.