I Love that Chef!

The Daily Show went to Sweden. While the political point they are making is fabulous (bring on the socialism if I will look like those women!), I am sharing it so you can all have a better understanding of Mr. Eris. And you get to see Benny from ABBA. Can't beat that!

Part I

Part II

Eris Has a Crush

Today I saw mfranti naked. And then we walked together and got beverages together and talked about deep issues.

I think I am in love - in a strictly fMh/hippie/mouthy broad/platonic kind of way.

No, m! Don't run away! Be my friend!! (I will share my odd peanut m&ms with you!)

Happy Earth Day!

I don't expect you to do anything fantastic - Little Mr. Eris is going to "turn a light off for a minute" so there's your bar. But, do try to drive less, turn off your lights if you don't need them, don't buy bottled water, and on and on. Feel free to share your activities for the day.

This morning

1. Alarm would not stop going off on my car.... at 4:50 am
2. Couldn't get keys untangled to get the car started
3. Problem with the switches (or some trainy thing) on Frontrunner line so my train is now 40 minutes behind schedule. Normally, I would just cancel class but I have group presentations today so I have five students who will be freaking out waiting for me and I have no way to contact them last minute. Mr. Eris lovingly agreed to come to SLC to get me to school on time, then the train started running miraculously without a hitch so I called to tell him nevermind.
4. He had already left (the man is fast!). So I feel awful for getting up so early.
5. While talking to him on the phone, he ran over something and got a flat tire. At 6:30 am. With no idea where the spare tire is because we've never had to use it.

The day had better get better! Especially for Mr. who did nothing to deserve this.

I Told You So!

Numi:
Look here http://www.nytimes.com/2001/10/26/books/books-of-the-times-in-a-no-man-s-land-of-memories-and-loss.html

''Austerlitz'' contains fascinating asides about such disparate matters as military fortifications, capitalist architecture and the secret lives of moths; a charming tale about a boy's homing pigeon, who walks home with a broken wing, and a short history of the land on which the Liverpool Street Station was built in London.

and here http://www.curledup.com/pigeonsb.htm

A few years back, Marty entered a three-hundred-mile race. She didn't return home. Her human companion, Orlando, assumed she had been killed. But, two weeks after the race, Orlando found Marty on his porch. She had a broken wing; she had apparently walked home.
Marty was a homing pigeon, one of dozens of breeds of the ubiquitous species of pigeon. Most of us are accustomed to seeing rock doves, one breed, almost everywhere we travel. In Pigeons: The Fascinating Saga of the World's Most Revered and Reviled Bird, author Andrew D. Blechman explains these birds’ histories and uses and centuries of human obsession with them. The birds apparently inspire great love or great hatred and little in between.

Victory is mine!

AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

This one is going to freaking rock.

For Zeus

The orange slice is slowly getting bigger, though!

Challenge

Watch this... and don't cry.

I Believe the Word You are Looking for is: DUH!

Last night Little Mr. Eris had a soccer game at 5:30. I was thrilled because my Monday night class was cancelled so we could each meet individually with the professor to discuss our final projects. I met with her in her office and we chatted for a bit - but she was really busy, so I left. The I went to my early class and headed home from school to cheer on the Crossfire.

Today I got an email informing me of all the stuff that was decided during class last night. Wait, last night? How is that possible? Yeah, I messed up the dates. Next week is when class is cancelled - I actually should have been there last night.

So I have emailed my professor and am now sitting here completely mortified that I could be that stupid.

Congratulate Me?

For a year I have had a friend loaning me a bike for races. He is an expert biker and a great guy who swore he could get me a killer deal on a bike.

Yesterday I dared him to prove it.

Today he got me a bike. Mr. Eris said I should get it because it was a killer deal and I am going to get hurt if I don't start using a good bike.
It's really pretty....

and I can't afford it.

He is such a show off.

You are in I-O-W-A!

It's late and not historically accurate, but I can't help but sing whenever I think about it. So everyone, sing along!

We can be cold as the falling thermometer in December
if you ask about the weather in July!
And we're so by-darned stubborn we can stand touching noses
for a week at a time and never see eye to eye.

But we'll give you the right
to marry who you wanna
and be gald to see
you walking down the aisle.

Anyone know of a song that references Vermont? I am singing about that one now, too.

Because I Don't Twitter

4:45 pm - OMG! I met Michael Chabon and he signed my Kavalier and Klay! He is brilliant... read a Poe poem. Can't wait to hear him read from his newest book tomorrow.

1:30 pm - Eris is waiting anxiously to see the brilliant Michael Chabon in person.
So excited it's making my tummy flutter! Will update after he reads...

Enabler

I have a friend at school named Kyle. We started in the same co-hort and have had a class together almost every semester. He is fun (I define fun as someone who can swap movie quotes and he occassionally wears a shirt that says Muggle). Over the course of our 2 years knowing each other he has made many comments about my eating habits. He thinks it is funny when I tear my tortillas in exact quarters before folding each quarter in half and eating them. And Kyle has been the beneficiary of many an odd m&m when my colors don't come out even.

A couple of weeks ago I took him a pair of cute, pink baby girl tennis shoes for his cute little baby nugget. Well, tonight when I got to class he presented me with the following (Athena, brace yourself):


That my friends, would be five bags of peanut m&ms each sorted to have even numbers in each bag.

Our Victory Garden

Those of you who remember the first few years we spent in our adorable little fixer-upper will likely recall that the yard and garden areas were, well, abysmal. They were overrun with morning glory and we had dead trees all over the back yard. We have worked very hard on these little spots and while there is still much work to be done, I am happy to report that this year, after four years of progressively increasing success with flowers, veggies and fruits, we have accomplished what I once believed to be the impossible: Realistic planting plans for every square inch of dirt.

And we are just in time! Apparently, gardening is all the rage this year - with the gigantic turd we call an economy, everyone is trying to save a couple of pennies. I was uber-excited when I saw this in the news. I don't look nearly as stylish or put together when I garden as Mrs. Obama does, but I admire her boots.

Back to us. This year we are trying to do everything from seeds, with a full-on start garden in the kitchen. Bask in its glory:

If you're curious, that's 82 cells, each with two seeds germinating. The list includes 3 varieties of tomato, cucumber, squash, onions, radishes, pumpkin, watermelon, cantaloupe, peas, beans, carrots, and corn (for later). We are enjoying watching new seedlings pop up and grow. Mr. Eris and I are fighting each other to be the first to spot each new one as it appears, which means we have to check hourly.

Yay for gardens!

Chad

Littlest Ms. Eris has an imaginary friend. His name is Chad. He is 3. He ate dinner with us tonight. He had a plate with gravy on it. Then we sent him home because Littlest wouldn't eat her dinner.

I'll let you know if he comes to church with us tomorrow.

Winter Layer

I have registered for my first tri of the season. It's going to take a lot of work, because currently:

My jeans are tighter.

My skin is bulging out of the openings in my swimsuit.

My bra is a little full.

It's time to get back on the horse.

Taking After Mom

Last week I took Littlest Ms. Eris to SLC for a meeting I had on my day off. Littlest loves to ride the trains so she was very excited. All the way down she played with puzzles and asked tons of questions. We went to my meeting and then we walked back to the train. On the Trax ride she started looking out the window trying to tell me what colors and shapes she saw.

Then it got quiet....

Mysteriously quiet....

Almost an eery quiet....

It was too quiet....

I have never seen her so quiet....

What could she possibly be looking at that would have her so enthralled....

Hmmmm.... maybe I should check on her....

Seriously. Try and tell me that isn't the cutest thing you have ever seen - I dare you.

The Gap, Part Deux

I suspect the internet has ruined teaching. Before you go all nutsy defending the relative ease with which students can find useful information, the convenience of email for student-teacher (and even parent) communication, and all that other crap - save it. I have heard it before. And I am a fan of all those things, not to mention the vast wealth of entertaining and useful clips available on youtube and hulu for me to include in my lectures.

I stand by my statement: The internet has ruined teaching. My students, the same ones who expect that they start with an A, now expect me to put a study guide up on webct and post their speaking schedule (which they signed up for!) online. Apparently they believe it's so easy to put it on webct that they no longer have any responsibility to remember vital information. And I'm not even going to start about the geniuses who cheat by pasting an entire webpage into their papers (see how I sneaked that in there even though I said I wouldn't?).

What would have happened six years ago, before the internet made its debut on college campuses, if these students lost their speaking order? I'll tell you what: The Duchess would have told me to ask another student in the class and left it at that (true story). And do you know why? Because she recognized I was a grown up and it wasn't her job to babysit me.

Breakfast of Champions

I took a later train this morning so that at 5 am Little Mr. Eris and I could eat Cheerios.

He. Is. So. Cute.

Call Me Holland Petalpockets

The Psych Nickname Generator. I love it almost as much as I love the show.



Googamus, I expect to see yours ASAP.

Bragging.

A few weeks ago I submitted a paper to a conference for my first time ever. The deadline for submission was 3:00. At 2:45 I closed my eyes, gritted my teeth and hit the send button before I could change my mind (because the paper wasn't perfect). I just got an email that I will be presenting said paper at the conference on March 13.

I am so excited! I have never dared submit anything before so I picked something local, but a conference is a conference and it will look so pretty on my CV. For those of you dying to know, the title of the paper is:

Social Construction of the Energy Independence and Security Act of 2007:

A narrative analysis.

Yay. Today I feel brave and smart.

When The Hell Did That Happen?

My kids are growing up. Without giving you any details, let's just say that the computer is locked for any websites that I have not pre-approved and I have to be careful what I look at when I clean kids' rooms.

Massive Headwound Harry

I used to love the Saturday Night Live skit where the guy had a big, gaping, bloody headwound and walked around like nothing was wrong. It was so funny. Well, meet the Little Ms. Erises, who have just demonstrated the Second Principle of Eris's Law, which states:

"A Little Eris will never experience a major illness or injury without the accompaniment of a second Little Eris."

So, from left to right we have Littlest Ms. Eris who decided last night that she could run through walls. Yes, that's through walls. One bloody, bruised and very likely broken nose later, she is once again a slave to the law of physics.

To her right we have Little Ms. Eris who valiantly fought the playground using only her forehead today. The playground won and she came home with a nice gooseegg and scraped up brain bucket.

Little Mr. Eris starts real-life Boy Scouts tonight. Maybe one of those big kids will crack him in the jaw and I'll have a complete set!

Someone Check the Back of My Neck for the Scar

Last night I made banana bread. I baked for no purpose, other than I felt the need to bake.

It is obvious that someone has implanted a chip in my body and that that chip is making me behave strangely. This is the only reasonable explanation.

Variations on Hope

Here are the Inauguration Dresses the Little Ms. Erises wore to church on January 18th. If you asked Littlest Ms. Eris what she wore, she said, "Inauguration Dress. Barack Obama!"

Special thanks to Grandma Numismatist for making Inauguration Dresses in lieu of Christmas Dresses this year.

Here is the pin that appeared at the center of the black bows.

And, drum roll, please......................

Here are the treats Mr. Eris's co-worker brought back from D.C. for me.

That's right, it's a program, a commemorative subway ticket, a pen (that works great!) and a button (that makes the president and first lady look like your town's most trusted news team.

It's 5:30 a.m.

I am on the train that left at 5:10 in the morning. Despite all my good intentions, my 4 o'clock mornings have not been supplemented by an earlier bedtime. I have, however, started napping under my desk at school.

The bonus of the early mornings? Today is Friday and I will be home by 11 a.m. Mr. Eris has Fridays off and all the kids are in school, which means we will have four hours of grown-up time. We will be napping or something else and will not answer the phone so don't bother calling.

Awkward: The Sequel

Today I came back to school. This means I went back to the gym. Yay! I elected to start off with my favorite activity: swimming. I swam. I showered. Then I went to my class.

Oh, did I mention that my teacher was the woman who showered next to me after the pool?

So, I Guess This Means the Break is Over?

Prologue:
I have been enjoying this week with the Little Erises back at school and me being all childless 3 days a week. I did some shopping (I love Target and Old Navy clearance racks). I did lots of organizing. And I am still dealing with student questions on grades that I got roped into posting. (Rant: Damn-it! If you can't read an excel spreadsheet you should not be teaching quantitative methods!)

I go back to school next week. I am one of those strange types who completely loves going back to school. It's fun for a few weeks, tedious for a few weeks, a mad dash to the end for a few weeks.... and then you get to start over with new binders and dividers and color-coding! Awesome.

Today I got the emails detailing the homework I have due on the Monday. That would be Monday, also known as "the first day of class!" I have a paper due! And six articles and three chapters to read! No kidding, I have a Political Science class with assigned reading in the form of a book a week and a typed review of said book. And no, this is not a random book. It's stuff like: New Federalism: Intergovernmental Reform and Political Change from Nixon to Reagan. And with the required book review I will not be able to make my usual two charming, yet insightful comments during class to demonstrate that I did the assigned reading (even though I actually only read 2/3, just like everyone else in the class). NOOOOOOO. I have to finish the whole thing! And understand it enough to write about it!

[Sidebar] Duchess, this is why I am not in Political Science. I can only handle one of these types of classes a semester.

On the plus side, I found a set of index tabs for my binders that has 16 preprinted dividers AND a box of 3-hole punched copy paper! Um, score!

Homemade Christmas

I have no pictures to show you (I'm sure I'll get some from Numi), but yesterday was our first homemade Christmas. Mr. Eris and I decided that we would buy no presents (except for one storebought gift from Santa, and those given to extended family in a drawing with a $10 limit).

I was very nervous. This is a big departure from the past Christmas mornings our family has experienced. It worked wonderfully! Here's what we did:
1. Books with secret compartments hidden inside
2. Coupon book for Mr. Eris that promised things like "one messy bedroom - no questions asked."
3. Finger paint set complete with easel
4. Playdough set

Doesn't sound like much, but the kids loved it. And it was fun to watch! Not to spoil the homemade idea, but the best present was from Santa: "Wise Man," Littlest Ms. Eris's new fish. He has a tank and is super cute. She loves to watch him sit in his Nemo tank. And he gives me something to watch while I'm sitting at my desk.

The final word on homemade Christmas: Tons of fun and worth the work. We will be doing it next year - especially since Little Mr. Eris said, "That was awesome, Mom! Can we have homemade Christmas again?"

~Sigh of relief.~

Updates

1. This is the cast, now that we've inked it up. (Happy now, Numi?)

2. Little Ms. Eris lost her first tooth. Little Mr., not to be outdone, promptly lost 2 in 2 days.

3. Finished my schoolwork yesterday. Proctor my last final tomorrow. Grades posted next Monday.

4. This lack of homework has led to complete re-organization of the office and the laundry room and the basement carpets are now clean. Yes, I need constant projects to keep me sane.

5. Littlest Ms. Eris has been puking since 2 today. Awesome.

6. The t.v. show I am watching is set in Solvang, CA. Neat-o

7. Tomorrow is Neil! I'd much rather be Forver in Blue Jeans!

Happy Birthday?

Today is my birthday. Know what I got? A trip to the urgent care clinic with Little Mr. Eris taking care of ...... wait for it.... a broken arm. He broke it in an indoor soccer game. He hit the ground hard, raised his (good) arm for a substitute, then walked himself off the field with his arm dangling sort of like this




Yes, in yet another support for The First Principle of Eris' Law, we spent a Saturday at the clinic getting x-rays.

For those of you keeping track, that is now:
4 trips to Urgent Care
+
2 casts
+
1 sling
in
1 month
=
What I am sure will be a visit from the Department of Child and Family Services when we go in to our family doc for the follow up and likely casting on Wednesday.

The Airing of Grievances 2008

Several times over the past year my cable reception of Comedy Central has been very staticky, making it difficult to hear the Daily Show on random days. How am I supposed to know what the heck is going on?!

The windshield on my car is trying to escape from its rightful place. The clippy things that hold it onto the car are apparently not in stock… um… anywhere, so now I have packing tape holding the windshield on. Classy. I am a couch-on-the-front-porch away from white trash without even enjoying the perks like abandoning personal hygiene. Not fair.

I am putting the leaves in my yard on notice: quit inviting your friends over. I mean it! I sweep some of you off the carport, I go about my business, I come back 5 minutes later and there are more of you. Knock it off!

I disagree with the weather. Not for anything specific, just in principle. It bothers me.

Why can’t the yogurt industry create a yogurt pack that doesn’t spit at me when I open it? There ought to be some way to make this work?

My dog broke the “4” key on my computer. Any task that involves typing the number “4” should be banned for my convenience.

Animated food is unacceptable. I should not be subjected to commercials with food that talks or walks.

I want Pepsi in the machines at my work. I can purchase it in the food court, but not the machines? Do you have a problem with the color blue or the letter P?! Either way, you owe me the extra steps I have to take to get to my favored beverage.

...And I am She

"Never forget, the press is the enemy. The press is the enemy. The press is the enemy. The establishment is the enemy. The professors are the enemy. The professors are the enemy. Write that on the blackboard 100 times and never forget it."

--President Richard M. Nixon (1913-1994) in taped conversation after his 1972 landslide reelection. A new 2,000 hours of Nixon audiotapes were released yesterday.

(Special thanks to Today's Word, brought to you by my MS mentor Ted Pease.)

Explanation: I liked this quote. It refers to professors as "the enemy." I am a professor in training. Which means, I am the enemy. Consider yourselves warned.

Sleepy

Thanks to my spectacular performance last week I have to hit a home run on my final paper for a class. It was due today at 5.

So I was up last night until 4.

Oh... Is that a Problem?

Just finished taking a final. I have been in grad school for 3 1/2 years now and this is my second final (I curse you, Political Science Department!). It was a two-hour written exam.

I ran back to my desk to see how much of it I totally bombed - or pulled out of my butt. Yeah, some of it fits that description.

So is that bad or do you think he'll give me points for penmanship? My hand hurts.

TRI squared

*Dangitall, the dumb title won't recognize ^2 as a superscripted 2! Not as funny.*

Yesterday I completed the WSU Turkey Triathlon. I say "completed" and not "competed" because there was no competition in me. I have been sick on and off for the last week and Friday it hit full force. This tri was merely a case of survival - I just wanted to get the damn thing done and go home to bed, thus allowing liters and liters of mucus to stream out of my face and a boot to come coughing out of my lung. For those of you who care, Numi has pictures here. And thanks for coming to cheer me on!

Anyway, here are the dirty details:
- Finsihed 28th out of something like 40. I came in at 1 hour 28 minutes, which met my goal of breaking 1.30:00 for my first sprint-length tri. So that was good.
- As it was freaking freezing, this one was in reverse (we swam last). I don't know how many of you have tried to swim after running 2.8 miles and biking 12.7 miles (mostly uphill) but let me tell you, it's tough.

- I rode an awesome road bike with clip-in shoes and everything. It was a loaner, but it totally rocked! I. Must. Have. One.

Quick story: I took a ride on Friday to get used to the clip-in shoes, which for those of you who don't know actually clip in to the pedals so your shoes are hooked to the bike. You have to slide them out sideways to get off the bike.... or you fall. Yes, I fell. I landed on my right side and looked like a bonehead, but I can now say I have had road rash which makes me a real biker. Additionally, this fall has left me with one very sore shoulder that cramped up during the swim part. Grace, thy personification is Eris.

Ok, so I am still sick (no church for Eris today!) and am swamped with homework so I am off to work and finish my Harry Potter marathon. Currently watching the Goblet of Fire. Yum, Weasley twins!

Desperately Seeking Susan

Ok people, you are my internet posse so I am turning to you for help. I have two requests, and responses here or via email would be greatly appreciated:

1. I have to teach a review of chisquare, t-tests, correlation, and ANOVA on Tuesday. Any thoughts on how to make this interesting? Duchess, I am looking at you.

2. Mr. and I are the activities chairs for our ward and December 12th is our Christmas dinner. We were going to do an interactive nativity - kind of like a road show with the big parts assigned ahead, but others handed out at the door (I'm very big on audience participation). Well, the people who were going to write it and prep it have just backed out so I need ideas, pronto! Should I keep the interactive nativity and write it myself, or does anyone have any suggestions of something else? Muriel and Googamus, I am looking at you.

If I didn't call you out specifically, please don't feel like you have nothing to contribute here. I just know these folks have either a., taught this junk before, or b., been to this junk before.

Is it Po-ta-to or Po-tat-o?

Today I experienced the difference between "yours" and "mine." I graded papers last week after I was told the scale was to be calculated by deducting 10% per grade.... no problem, I subtracted 10% from A to get A-, then from A- to get B+, and so on until you got to 40% and a D. I graded, recorded and handed back.

Then the professor sent out an email with the grade breakdown to the class. The professor's grade scale went like this: subtract 10% to get A, then 10% from A to get B, then 10% from B to get C.

As you can imagine, there were some questions. Long story short, I will be recalculating something like 40 grades in the next two days.

yay.

N.K.O.T.B.

Last night I spent some time with Foo pretending we were 14 again. Danny, Donnie, Joe, Jon, and Jordan are back and they are rocking!


Camera issues, but still: Best night ever!

One Big Pebble In My Shoe

I spent my weekend wandering down memory lane. It was wonderful. For me, memory lane is partially located in Santa Maria, CA in a tiny little house that has been in my family for 71 years. There is a door that has measured the growth of every member of four generations of my paternal family. There is a collection of trinkets and figurines that represent the interests of my great-grandparents, grandparents and others. But most of all there is a chest.

The chest contains photo albums and portraits from generations ago. My great-grandmother kept a photo album and collected everything from dance cards to a paper posy from the first Armistace Day. There are first communion photos in which we play "Spot the Relative." And there is my grandpa's Army photo album - pretty cool.

Then there are photos containing people who I remember. Events I remember. And now, events I didn't get to see because I wasn't welcome. Why would someone continue to stare at photos of people who have made it clear they don't want you? Why would I examine every stage of his development to see how much I looked like him when I was 3 (and how much the Littlest Ms. Eris looks like him now)? Why would I go through albums that show me absent at anniversaries and reunions and birthday parties? Because they are my history. Isn't it the emotional equivalent of cutting?

It is a tough walk to take, and I have taken it a few times now. Fortunately, this time I was not alone. Athena had never looked through most of this collection and she was surprised to see the resemblance to her own kids. Cuz2you was facing this for the first time and I felt for her. Meemoo mourns in a different way than I, but she got some new insights and I look forward to our next adventure.

In the end, I think these trips down memory lane are good for me. I feel more connected to this family - my family - that loves me, but I don't see this connection as forged through a defective link. Now, I see it as my grandpa's smile and my grandma's nose and (I'd like to think) my great-grandma's spunk. I will keep going back because like Bridget Jones "I refuse to be defeated."

Eris Rocks the Bike Helmet

Here is the video from my Tri. If you're interested, you can spot me in two places that I saw: I'm the first woman you see getting out of the pool (it's quick so don't blink or you'll miss me); then you see me at about 3:30 transitioning from the bike to the run.

I made sure to avoid the cameraman whenever I wasn't competing, as I didn't want my grill on film. I know, vanity. Shut it.

Breathless

What a night. It's been 12 years since I actually enjoyed a presidential election.

I am:
Thrilled.
Inspired.
Hopeful.
Considering starting a pool to name cabinet nominees. Anyone want to play?
Anxious for January.

PS - Send Jubee your love and condolences, as she was McCain/Palin all the way, and I too know what it is like to have a young and broken political spirit. Way to pick a team and cheer, babe!

Blue!

I am holding my breath. Hold it with me!

And I Raise You Some Glitter

UPDATE: Here is the new cast. 4 weeks - crap.

You may have heard about the Princess' unfortunate accident. Everyone was oohing and aahing over her fancy pink cast last night... including Zeus and the Numismatist.

This will not stand! We refuse to be outdone.



That's right. We see your pinky and we raise you an opposable thumb.

PS: This is further support for the First Principle of Eris's Law. Yes, that is two visits in 6 days, both landing on weekends. I think they're naming a room after us.

Teaching in the Gap

I had an epiphany today. Even though I teach undergraduates at a university, I am teaching to people with a completely different world view. When I was in school professors often opened the first day of class by explaining that everyone in the class was starting with a C and it was each student's choice to raise the grade to an A or B or let it fall to a D or E. You had to work hard to get a B and an A was going to just about kill you.

Now, my students are coming to me asking a very strange question: "How do I keep my A?" Um, what A?

It seems as though we are operating under two very different assumptions. I believe the A is there for them to earn. They believe it is theirs already and they must just maintain it. These assumptions are very different, especially in terms of the work ethic implied and the responsibilities of the professor and student.

What do you think? Am I just starting on my cranky old woman persona early (stay tuned next week when I get three cats and yell at kids to get off my lawn), or is this a legitimate gripe?

My Favorite Four Letter Word

Ok everybody. Get your keisters out there and do it....

V O T E !

I took Little Mr. today. We waited for 30 minutes but it was worth it. I literally got a chill when we touched that screen!

Peeing in the Street

Background: For those of you who don't know, my grandpa was the best grandpa ever. He could beat up any other grandpa in the world (except, of course, my other grandpa. That fight would have ended in the cutest tie ever!). Anyway, his diagnostic abilities are legend in our family. Whenever you got gunk somewhere, such as Pink Eye, he would say, "You've been peeing in the street again."

Sunday morning Little Ms. Eris came into our room crying. Her eye was stuck shut. That's right. Pink Eye is back. This is a classic example of the First Principle of Eris's Law, which states:

"I. A Little Eris will only be sick enough to require medical attention or a prescription on a weekend or holiday, thus causing a $50 co-pay for a visit to urgent care."

This is what she looked like after we cleaned her eye out, skipped church (and the primary program) to get a steroid drop in there and went straight to Grandma Numi for a photo. It looked like we had punched her in the eye. Yesterday? It was in the other eye. Today, Littlest Ms. has it. And now, my eyes are itching. Awesome.

So, who's coming over for a visit first? We promise to wash our hands!

I Have Officially Drunk the Kool-Aid

This blog is like crack.

You're Kidding, Right?

Two weeks ago I taught two sessions in a quantitative methods course on Excel and how to make charts and graphs and junk. I taught these sessions because there is a homework assignment on using Excel and making charts and graphs and junk that is due tomorrow (Tuesday).

This was a quick, crash course leading to much frustration for my poor students. But I gave them a cheat sheet online. I gave them my email. I conducted two tutoring sessions on campus during Fall Break (yes, that was 6 hours of my Monday and 6 hours of my Wednesday). I gave them my cell phone number. All of this in the hope of helping them through this.

Cut to last night when I got 7 emails from students who just starting on the assignment. ARGH! Today, I have gotten 9 emails from similarly timely and organized undergraduates. I just got an email at 5:00 pm the night before the assignment is due from a student who still hasn't downloaded the damn thing! And finally, a student just called my cell phone to double check that they could create all the charts and graphs and junk by hand and turn it in....

Yup. I was just teaching you Excel to hear myself talk about something reeeeeaaaaaalllllyyyy boring for fun.

Eris Tris Hard

200 meter swim - 6 mile bike - 1.75 mile run. (Give me a break, it was a Beginner, ok!)

And here's how it went:

Time: 52:01 (That would be 9 minutes under my personal best).

Place in group (Beginner): 26th out of 57.

Place among women: 9th

Place in division (31-40 y/o): 4th out of 16.

Was it hard? Yes! Was it fun? Not until the end. Will I do it again? Hell YES! Come and watch on November 22 at WSU!

Full of Awe

Yesterday Mr. Eris and I took Little Mr. Eris to Body Worlds. It was amazing. Go to the website and take a peek - remember: these are real bodies, preserved so we can learn from them.

A couple of things that were particularly interesting:
1. The plastinate jumping a hurdle. This guy was cut into vertical thirds so you could see the various muscle groups at work. I am completely fascinated by the sciatic nerve. That thing is freaking huge!

2. The acrobatic couple. The woman had plates and artificial joints so you could see how science works with your body. Plus she had eyelashes! Stragely enough, that was when it got real, when I saw the eyelashes.

3. The balancing gymanst holding his own thoracic organs above his head. W.O.W.

4. Little Mr. Eris's favorite part? The room filled with barrels to represent the 1,800 gallons of blood your heart pumps every day. His least favorite part? The anatomical correctness of the plastinates. Vajay-jays and peni$es everywhere!

This exhibition was amazing, and I would go again. I hope they bring some of the other versions to SLC soon so I can see the pregnant woman, the man holding his own skin, and the man riding the horse. After seeing my body in this way, I will never think of my Body Pump class or the triathlons the same way. We are amazing machines!

You Decide

I Can't Believe It Took This Long

Today I got my first piece of hate mail from a student. It was an email. Anonymous, of course. And naturally, it was referring to the past two lectures on measures of central tendency and visual displays of data.

Back in the good ol' days I couldn't just send my professor an unsigned email from a generic hotmail account and bitch at them - I had to bitch right to their face (right, Duchess?).

What I Do on the Train

Failblog makes me laugh every time I look in.

Numi, I am sending this to you, with love.

I am Inadequate

This is the link to a blog belonging to a friend at grad school. The woman is beautiful and sweet and smart.... now I find out she can bake and has this kind of talent, too? What will the rest of us mediocre people do?

Who'd a thunk?

Today I taught 90 undergrads about descriptive statistics and standard deviation. They loved it. Rolling in the aisles, I'm telling you.

Seriously, who would have ever thought I'd be a stats nerd. Thanks a lot, Duchess.

Happy Birthday, Numi!

There are many reasons I am glad the Numismatist is my mama. See yesterday's post for one thing.

Also, she is a good grandma. Correction: GREAT GRANDMA.

She is an amazing woman filled with spitfire and lots of attitude. I like to think of her as the fountainhead of bitchy-ness that Athena and I bare with pride.

She graduated from college in 5 years with two kids and a Nincompoop causing trouble all along the way. And she insisted on paying for every dime herself, even when the gods tried to intercede on her behalf. Now that's one fiesty feminist.

Today is her birthday, though, and I have found one more reason I am glad she birthed me. There is a Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator. I can't explain all the scientific principles involved here, although I am sure they are plentiful and rigorous, but I can tell you that I had been born to the Barracuda my name would have been:

Smoke Strapon Palin

Thank the lucky stars all I got was a mommy who didn't like e's on the end of your name.

Love ya, Numi! You ARE my favorite Mom!

Priceless

Tonight I got in my car at the train station and saw this on my windshield.



I laughed and cried all the way home.

Thank you from the bottom of my everything.

Bill Cosby Was Right

The following is a collection of quotes from the Little Erises over the past few days:

- "Neil Diamond is still alive?" Mr. Eris

- "What 'damn color' do you want to paint the walls?" Littlest Ms. Eris

- "Mom, is your hair supposed to look like that?" Little Ms. Eris

Clearly, my children are all little comedians.

Dear John McCain

Now, I know that you are like 92.5 years old and have to keep running around to keep the press away from your running mate, so I get you're busy. But do you think you could possibly manage to find the time to show up for the debate. I understand you are "putting country first" but I respectfully submit the following:

1. You are not on any committee that comes even close to touching the financial crisis. This means that your only job on this one is to show up and vote, then get back in your plane and get to the debate.
2. Even if you do stay in D.C. to talk bail out, do you seriously think the Democratic leadership is going to allow you to monopolize the conversation? Um, they're taking care of this one... go sit down... in a plane and get to the debate.
3. What could you possibly have to add to the conversation when just a week ago you said, "The fundamentals of the American economy are strong." I guess the devil is in how we define "fundamentals" - clearly you don't include credit, banks, the stock market or the housing market in your definition. So just go to the debate.
4. If you really want to be president, isn't this the perfect time for you to talk directly to the American people and tell them why you're the guy. If only there were some place you could go and have national media attention and a chance to contrast yourself with your opponent.... like a debate.
5. I think if you want to be president you ought not make it look like you can't handle a difficult situation without completely dropping all the other balls in the air. Isn't the president supposed to be able to, like, multi-task and stuff? Go to the debate.
6. Finally, I have to believe that the American people, while generally an apathetic lot, can see right through this for what it is: a pathetic stunt. So knock it off and go to the debate.

XOXOXO,
Eris

Question: What Happens After You Spend Five Hours in Church?

Answer: You fall asleep coloring at the kitchen table.

0bs(ene W0rd$ are About to Come Out

I am so sick of this $hit. Could they be any more pathetic?

Humble Pie and a Side of Jell-O

Today I went to the gym with the Duchess. We did this horrible thing called "Body Pump" which I suspect is a program imported straight from Abu Ghraib and Guantanemo Bay. I headed to the class thinking I'd be ok. I've been running 2+ miles three times a week, biking 6+ miles three times a week and swimming 1,000 meters once a week. I can handle an exercise class, right?

What you don't know about the class is that they use barbells and make you do things like squats and curls and lunges. Yeah, that was great.

I cannot walk down the stairs without holding on to a wall. With each step I take my legs are wobbling back and forth. As I type, I am feeling the ache in my tricep and shoulder muscles.

ow.

But I'm Not That Bad

I am teaching a class at a local professional college - you know, two year degrees and stuff. This is my second class and this one is online. I totally love it. Very little energy expended for a tidy little paycheck. I freely admit that I haven't spent a lot of time with the material (the phrase "whatever I can get away with" is about right) but last night it got real.

I caught a student plagiarising. The first few assignments were opinion based, but this week they had to summarize info from the text. Well one student decided to give her answer verbatim from the textbook.

Seriously, do people really not realize it raises a billion little red flags when they start using words "causal" and "morbidity" after four weeks of improperly using "there" "they're" and "their"?!?! Duh.

PS - I added a new blog to the sidebar. Cakewrecks is awesome! I giggle each time I visit.

Awkward

I have been trying very hard to hit the gym at school on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I have a nice block of time to play with and can swim laps or do some biking/running bricks in prep for the Fall Moment of Insanity.

Last week a student of mine from Summer Semester signed in at the pool right before I did. Luckily I didn't see her. It would have been weird, I thought.

Today as I came out of the shower and started dressing (I am very proud of the fact that I can now undress and dress in the locker room without hiding in a bathroom stall. Bravery!) I noticed that the woman standing right next to me is a student in Tuesday/Thursday morning class. We were both topless.

So that happened.

Votes for Women!

I know most of you aren't watching or listening, but last night Hillary Clinton gave an amazing speech at the Democratic National Convention. She was funny, and touching, and tough, and proud, and perfect. I listened on the radio and had tears in my eyes more than once.

I love this woman. And although I was not in favor of her running for president (I just think people who dislike her do so so strongly that it would be insurmountable in a general election), last night I felt a strong sense of having missed out on something great here.

Here's to the 18 million cracks she put in the ceiling.

Our daughters' daughters' will adore us.
And they'll sing in grateful chorus:
Well done! Sister Suffragettes!

Starving Student

While waiting for my TRAX line to rumble by...

I jumped into the street to pick up a quarter on the southbound TRAX line. Then I found two pennies - smashed to bits - on the northbound line. I picked them up. As I jumped back onto the platform a gentleman tapped me on the shoulder. I took out my headphones and he said in a concerned voice,
"Miss? Are you trying to collect enough change to buy a ticket?"

People here are really nice.

Well That Simplifies Things?

Many of you may be aware that I rarely see movies in the theater. A combined 23 years of Blockbuster Video employment resides in my house and we just can't stomach the high ticket price and not being able to pause to use the restroom. We usually wait for the DVD. Exceptions to this rule: certain musicals and action epics. Notably, I saw Mama Mia twice (July). Before that, Indiana Jones (July [Mr. Eris' b-day], Sex and the City (May), and Hairspray (July, 2007). I usually have my two or three theater movies picked out each year and wait patiently for them.

Hence my chagrin at this news. November 21st seemed like forever to wait for more of the Weasley twins! Now, it's July 17, 2009?!?! WTF?! I cannot wait that long. ~Yes, I know I am a geek.~

Alas, somewhere the movie gods still love me. If you read to the very bottom of the article it states that Twilight, as a result of this HP bump (?) has been moved from December 12th to November 21st. Acceptable. And now I only have to pay for one more movie in 2008 .... although I may have to see it more than once.

Threat Level "Red"

I will not negotiate with a terrorist. My baby sleepover time has been hijacked by a Looney-loving, pixelated, coin collector. Now, instead of a blue-eyed princess playing with the little Ms.es I get the key to the house and a map to the dog food. This is unacceptable.

Even better? I recently found out that this same individual has initiated contact with not only the Duchess, but Athena as well. The goddess of war?! What else could she have in mind than a full attack? Well, I have my emergency kits and food supply. Bring it on! So, my internet freedom lovers: Are you with me or against me?

Bids are now being accepted for my "Mission Accomplished" banner. Submit via email.

Horatio

My first car was a 1988 Geo Metro. It was gray with a kick-ass stereo and TWO OPTIONAL CUP HOLDERS! That was pretty big back then. I loved this car. It took me to school every morning for practice or early morning seminary. It took me to and from work at the Blockbuster. It did this all taking two weeks to use up a tank of gas. I have so many fond memories of this car...

1. My 1993 boyfriend lived in Holliday and I lived in Ogden. I could drive to his house 3 times in one week, in addition to my regular activities, on one tank of gas.

2. The speaker box was stolen out of the back one night. When the speaker was returned and the car repaired I installed a body guard: a cardboard cut-out of Wesley Snipes' head from the Sugar Hill standee. It rocked - and no one ever messed with the Big H again.

3. The Numismatist once found my 1994 boyfriend's boxers under the passenger seat. "Do you want to explain this?" It was a very innocent and boring explanation and she bought it. How pathetically lame was I?

4. Horatio survived a car accident in 1993, only to be taken too soon in 1994 by a driver who turned left in front of me. We knew it was time to pull the plug when we realized the clutch was stuck into the floor board. I miss him every day, especially at the gas pump.

Done. And done.

It is over.

I loved it.

You may now begin to fight over who gets my copy tomorrow.

I will accept bribes.

Oh. My. Heck.

12:20 - Book in hand.
12:30 - Reading. Not what I expected, at all.
3:30 - Rest for sleep.
8:12 - Up again.

--Don't call or visit. I'll come out when I'm done. --

My 300zx

My Loving Wife asked me the other day if I am having a mid-life crisis. Yesterday Mr. Eris asked me if the Duchess was concerned that I met someone else (as was her first concern after Mr. bleached his hair). I am starting to wonder about this myself. You see, I have been going through some changes lately...

1. I started trail running five weeks ago (yes, I remember the number of weeks, it's been that good). Running is something I have never enjoyed and always swore I would never do unless something very dangerous was chasing me and now I am running four days a week.

2. This running is taking place at 6 a.m. I have always been a firm believer that the only 6 o'clock God actually intended humans to experience was the one in the afternoon and have studiously avoided the one in the morning. Now I am experiencing it - and running at the same time.

3. I have registered for a triathlon. I am now using a training program to subject myself to daily physical pain in the hope that I will be able to participate in an organized event designed to cause me physical pain. And I paid money and will drive to St. George to do it!

4. Yesterday I ate my breakfast at 8 a.m. Not completely unheard of, but wait: it was Cascadian Farms Organic Maple Oat cereal with soy milk. What?! Granted this is for my diet to keep my stomach from killing me in an inside job, but still. Three years ago my daily routine involved a bagel and a 32 oz. Pepsi.

5. This one's the kicker: I have never read fantasy or fiction, really, and enjoyed it much. Harry Potter was a fluke, I figured. But now, this summer, I have gotten hooked on Victorian love stories, an alien invasion thriller, and a teenage vampire/werewolf love triangle! I started, but have not finished Al Gore's "An Assault on Reason."

This is not me. I cannot explain it, but somehow in the last six weeks I have become a completely different Eris. Please, just somebody stop me before I get my red sports car and leather jacket.

Bears beats Battlestar Gallactica!

3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510.

Yes, my friends, that is pi truncated to the 50th decimal (man, wikipedia is awesome) entered here using my new 10-key pad lovingly purchased by Athena. Oh, I love the 10-key!

Confession and a Welcome

This morning I slept in. Late. I decided to skip my run and stay in bed. Hey! I'm going camping tonight and my running buddy (R.B.) and I have already made plans to try out a new trail up there, so it's not like I'm cheating or anything. Right?

The whole time I vascillated between getting up or not I knew that I would feel guilty if I stayed in bed. I just got of the phone with R.B. and she said she found this awesome new trail with lots of steep climbs and big rocks... damnit! I missed it and I feel horrible that she had to run alone this morning.

I swear I'm not skipping another day unless I have the flu or something. The guilt and envy are killing me!

And now, a welcome: Athena has started a blog. This is very cool for several reasons. First, I can't wait to see how many consecutive posts she can incorporate the f-word (I have often suspected this would be the basis of a fun drinking game). Second, I am super impressed with her address: warandorder. Very her. And finally, there are very few experiences in life I had before she did, except hitting 5'4" of course, and so it's nice for me to watch her enter this new stage of womanhood. Welcome to you, Athena. Now go forth and gripe!

The Bicycle Has It Easy

I am trying to plan a girl's night out with my mother and some friends. I have been waiting breathlessly for Mama Mia! as I am both ape-crazy in love with Pierce Brosnan and Colin Firth and I love ABBA music. (This movie is a sing-along experience right?)

Anyway, Mrs. Dub and I are struggling with finding babysitters: she because her parents are out of town, and me because my usual babysitter is going to the movie with me. Oh, and both of our husbands will be at poker night. So here's the question: why is it our plans that have to be tentative pending childcare? Why do the boys get their monthly boy's night out (in fact they get TWO!) with no concern for babysitting, but when we want to go to a movie for the second time in a year ~gasp!~ we have to be in charge of this?

Gloria Steinham had it half right, except at least I could get around town on a bicycle.

But I Get the Dog

Apparently Mr. Eris has created a scandal. It is all over town and the only thing anyone is talking about. I have decided to address this now so you can all hear (read) the story and enjoy it with me. Yes, he bleached his hair.

Our neighbor across the street cuts hair - ours included. She has been bleaching her husband's hair for 3 years and has been begging Mr. Eris to let her do his for months. Last Monday he went for a haircut and came home.... blonde. I was shocked. It's like I sent out Mr. Big and got back Lance Bass. I prefer the brown and have been nudging, nagging, etc. him to grow it out longer. The salt & pepper hair he has is very sexy and I want it long enough to come back a bit, and to hang on to, and to run my fingers thr.. sorry.

But I digress. At the risk of sounding hypocritical, I don't like this male hair color thing. Brad Pitt started this mess with his matching highlights at his wedding and it's just gotten silly. I like to change my hair color often, but I believe it is a woman's right - not a man's.

So, to answer your questions about the hair (and yes, these are actual questions I have gotten):
1. No, it was not my idea.
2. No, I don't hate it. But I don't love it either.
3. No, I do not know what his mother thinks about it and I don't care.
4. Hmmm. That's something to think about. Maybe he is gay.
5. No, I do not think he is having an affair. And if he is, that's fine, he just has to remember the rule in our marriage: the one who cheats/leaves takes the kids. I'm not raising your offspring while you're off with your new girlfriend. You can find a bachelor pad big enough for all four of you!

Surrender

I did it. I turned on the air conditioning in my house today for the first time. Last night it was 90 degrees and I couldn't sleep. If only I had a sexy vampire in bed next to me - that would have made it all better.

Who's Laughing Now?

Ok, this is a judgemental post full of my own self-congratulations, so consider yourself warned. Many of you may know I used to teach Gospel Doctrine class at my LDS ward. This was fun for me as I: 1. don't know the first thing about technical gospel doctrine; and B. enjoyed making up my own doctrine. Take your pick on which one got me released. Personally, I think it was the fact that I didn't let the bishop attend my class.

The last week of the year I did a Bible trivia game based on the stories and lessons we had had through the previous year. I used scripture references to back up my questions, and some of them had come to my attention through non-LDS websites. I DID NOT QUOTE ANY NON-LDS SCRIPTURE OR REFERENCE IN MY CLASS.

After this game, a member of the Sunday School Presidency (a freshly minted return missionary about 22 years-old) came up to me and lectured me on using non-church authorized lessons or sources. Let me point out this was an extra week for which there was no lesson in the manual! I took it in stride then spent the next few weeks trying to make his head explode when I blinked at church.

Cut to tonight: Scout dinner at the church. This young man attended with a woman I assume is his girlfriend. She brought a card game to play at the table. By herself. The cards all had heads on them. The game was called "Guillotine" and had a little guillotine to put on the table.

Mr. Eris got a real kick out of it. I was non-plussed until the game turned up missing and they had to announce over the microphone that they had misplaced a card game called "Guillotine" sometime during the dinner. I'm still giggling.

Can I Get an Amen?!

I have a favorite bra. It is the Full Coverage bra from Victoria's Secret. Every year in December I buy two of this bra with my birthday coupon from VS. I love this bra.

Last year when I went in to buy my bra I got the bad news: discontinued. NOOOOOOOO! I was devastated. They showed me the new style and I bought it. I hate it. It has too much padding and is designed to push the ladies up and to the center, thus creating copious cleavage in the form of a third breast right in the middle of my chest. Mr. Eris likes the bra. I hate it. I want to set it on fire and dance around it - bra-less.

On Saturday I was at the mall (a place I never go). They have remodeled our VS so I decided to drop in and see how it looks. Holy Crap!!! My bra is back!!! I was so excited I almost cried - seriously. I went in the dressing room and tried it on and there in the mirror were my two breasts. Perfectly supported and happy as ever. Ah, the joy of a perfect bra.

I drove to a different mall so I could have two. Thank you, VS, for bringing back my bra.

A Good Night

Today I went Father's Day shopping for Mr. Eris. We got some good stuff - mostly functional, but one fun DVD. While shopping I decided to indulge in some DVDs for the family. I believe firmly that our children should be exposed to all the classics, in order for them to become well-rounded and informed citizens. We brought them home and watched them immediately, with dinner in between. Yes, my children have now seen The Goonies and Gremlins.

Then, as a reward for Mr. Eris's hard work at work this week (including some late nights working from home) I made milkshakes. Oreo milkshakes. My neighbor really loves those, so I made one for her too. Then I got creative and made a soyshake. I recently discovered that soy ice cream tastes like cookie dough, so I was feeling brave. I enjoyed a chocolate and peanut butter soyshake - and it was GOOD!

Drill This... and Other Stuff

Ok, it's time for just a hodge-podge of rants and other goings on in the mind and life of Eris:

1. The Prez gave a press conference today in which he acknowledged how tough it is for Americans to have to pay so much for gas. His solution? Drilling in ANWAR and the continental divide. Um, let me get this straight: you've had 7 years to do something about the environment and the predicted energy crisis and you spent it a. denying global warming was happening; b. pushing BS like the "Clear Skies Inititative (Orwell would have been so proud); c. bullying the EPA into unwise policies; and d. telling the world to take Kyoto and shove it - and now you're going to solve it with ANWAR, an area that will yield minimal oil at best and would destroy an ecosystem?! Holy buckets, is it January yet?

2. Spoke in church yesterday - the importance of using your mind and your faith together to inform your testimony and actions in the world. My grandma claims she only understood half of it... and I'm waiting for a call from the Bishop to schedule my hearing.

3. Little Mr. Eris is at Lagoon with a friend today. First time without the 'rents. (His friends' 'rents are there, but it's not the same.) So big!

4. The Numismatist finished Twilight yesterday so I picked it up and took her New Moon. She started last night. I'm not proud to admit this, but I already read Twilight again since she gave it back at 4 yesterday. I think it's time for an intervention or detox or something. But ice cream social, look out!

5. Meemoo's folks are celebrating the big three-oh. They are my favorite toilet family and this marriage brought me one of my most inappropriate adolescent crushes (cousin Clay) so I'm all about the celebratin'!

6. My foot is asleep.

Eris's Secret Life of Crime

Today I left the house in a hurry. I forgot my wallet... which means I rode FrontRunner and TRAX all the way from Ogden to the U and then back again without my U Transit Pass.

Is it time for an intervention?

B.F.F.

Today I joined the Duchess and 8 of her closest friends for SATC the movie. It was awesome - great plot twists and very true to the characters from the series. But SATC is not the subject of this post. The Duchess is. Prepare yourselves, the gushing is about to begin.

Six years ago I walked into one of my last undergraduate classes at WSU and was much dismayed to find that the professor was my age and about a half-foot shorter than I. I doubted her ability to teach me anything, she was so young! But she did teach me. A LOT. Not only in class, but in her work with extracurricular groups in the department. She advised to try graduate school - an option I had never considered to be open for me (graduate school is for smart people).

We got to know each other outside of school at Democrat stuff. I will admit I sat by her mostly so I could sneak closer looks at her husband, but then I found that I genuinely liked her. I could look past her lack of appreciation for Neil Diamond and Steven Tyler. I could even forgive her for being a Yankees fan. We became friends.

We bonded and soon she was the Numismatist's favorite daughter. I am ok with that. The Duchess looks more like my Utah family than I do, anyway, and Athena and I are resigned to the fact that we are now part of a trio. I like to think that in the past 5 years, she has become family. We have been through a lot together and I wouldn't trade her for anything. When something exciting happens, I want to tell her. When I need advice, I ask her. And I like that our daughters are growing up together.

Anyway, as I drove home today I realized how happy I am to know that we are friends. I look forward to sharing many more movies and books and religious discussions and bbqs and poker nights with the Duchess. She is my fancy-pants friend and I would be lost without her.

Conceptualize That

Ok, this has been bugging me for a long time but I drove by it again and you guys are now going to hear about it. The billboard on Riverdale Road that says "Teens who abstain are more likely to reach their full potential" has got to go. There are two reasons this bugs me:

1. I live in the heart of Weber County, which just happens to have an astronomical teen pregnancy rate. So what do the all-knowing white guys in charge do? They spend a million bucks on abstinence only billboards and junk. Great idea. I'll bet that's going to work like a charm because the past 10 years of abstinence only education has sure been successful!

2. Maybe I've been spending too much time talking with academics and discussing the proper way to conduct research and present your findings, but can you answer this: How in the world would anyone know if a teen has reached their "full potential"?! This is a concept that is not definable and therefore, not measurable. And I can't help but wonder about those millions of kids out there who have already had sex and now are just never going to reach their "full potential." May as well have a baby, get a job at the Common Cents and move in to a trailer park, because once you do it your potential is gone forever, just like your virginity and any chance you had at heaven.

Seriously, is it just me?

Put it in Writing

I finished book three of the Twilight series today. Yeah, I started book one on Friday night and am now done with all of them. I am going through such serious withdrawls (since finishing at 1!) that I have been actively stalking the author and the movie online. I have problems.

Good news from the stalking front though, Stephenie Meyer has posted the first chapter of Edward's version of Twilight on her website. Um, it's on my desktop now, so I can read it later tonight after I do my regular stuff.

In short: Duchess, call ASAP as we have much to discuss - including our date on December 12 to see the movie. And, I believe you and your little friend who started this whole obsession owe Mr. Eris an apology for getting me hooked on this.

You Should See the Other Guy

This is what came home from school today. The Little Mr. fell off his scooter, but luckily his face broke the fall.

UPDATE: Tonight Mr. and I looked at the helmet Little Mr. was wearing today. There are big scrapes on the outer shell and the foam on the inside is dented at least 1/4 inch, if not more. This means three things: first, he is not riding his scooter tomorrow because we have to get a new helmet; second, he will take the helmet to school tomorrow to show his class why you wear a helmet; and third, we are very lucky to not be at the hospital tonight. ~grateful sigh~

Hurry Home, Athena!

We have moved the Little Ms.es downstairs to what used to be the office (or the video game room if you asked Little Mr.). We will be painting for the next couple of days and teaching Littlest Ms. to sleep in a big girl bed. I cried last night when we took the crib down - what is that all about?

But most importantly, this means I have a beautiful new office upstairs with oodles and gobs of shelf space. Athena, there are books to categorize and alphabetize! There file cabinets to rearrange! There is furniture to be perfectly centered against the wall and placed evenly spaced apart. And then I will sit in the big comfy chair and bask in the glow of the symmetry and order.

aaaaaaaaaaahh......

CARRIER

I am a NAVY Brat. Born on a NAVY base, I don't think you get much brattier than that. I used to have a sweatshirt that proudly advertised this fact. Lately, not so much about the bragging about it. Long story.

Little Mr. and I have become completely engrossed in CARRIER, a 10-part documentary on the USS Nimetz deployment in the Persian Gulf. I am fascinated by this series - so much so that I watch it when it airs primetime and then at midnight when it re-airs. They tackle some very sensitive subjects and show the most personal moments. I cannot tell you how good it is. Fascinating. I have been on the edge of my seat.

Tonight they came home... and it was wonderful and horrible and everything else. Oh, and I finally got to see Lemoore! The sign said, "Historic"?

Toot! Toot!

Finished everything for the semester about one hour ago. This means I have officially survived a full year of doctoral work - how many of you are still in the pool? I think I crapped out at 8 months, so you're doing better than I.

Anywho, I bought four books after I dropped off my last paper because I had no pleasure books at home to bring for the train. I am writing this from the Frontrunner. Lovely. Spectacular. Gorgeous. Free Wi-fi. I'm never driving to SLC again.

I feel so metropolitan.

Send Bubble Wrap, Please

Apparently, and those of you who really know me well will not be surprised by this, I am made of fine china, delicate crystal and satin.

Today I went to the dermatologist. I have had a breakout of tragic proportions for the past couple of months and I finally gave in and went to see the man. Argh! First the braces, now the acne - what's left? When next you see me, will I be anxiously waiting for Monte S. to meet me at the dollar movie to see Batman? It's like I'm 14!

But I digress. As I was mentioning, I was informed today that I am very fragile. The doc says that I have an infection causing these fantastical breakouts (if you're curious, google "hubble space telescope" I'm sure there are some great shots of this breakout you can see from space!). The kicker? The infection is most likely my immune system reacting to... wait for it... stress.

"Do you have any unusual stress right now?" Me? No. Smooth sailing all the way.

The point is, I came home with some new drugs - yay antibiotics! - and I have to switch shampoo. But that should take care of it. Well, until I get stress again. ~smile~

This One's for the Duchess

Ok, people. Attention!!! Up here. Thank you.

All right, can we all agree that Hillary Rodham Clinton is an accomplished woman? A law degree, worked on the Watergate case, a mother and wife (in her case, quite an accomplishment), a Senator, and a darn smart cookie all around? Right? We're agreed. Excellent.

PLEASE STOP REFERRING TO HER AS "HILLARY" WHEN YOU CALL THE OTHER GUYS SENATOR OBAMA AND SENATOR MCCAIN!!! SHE DESERVES THE SAME RESPECT AS THOSE OTHER TWO!!

And while we're at it - can we all stop griping about how she's playing so dirty and nasty when all she's doing is challenging the front runner? It's the classic tough woman = bitch tactic.

Perfect! Now that we're all agreed, feel free to follow me in the "YAY, Obama" parade. But while you're marching, show the woman some respect, dammit.

The Best Plan in the World

Today I called the local elementary school because we hadn't heard about Kindergarten Round-up for Little Ms. Eris. It seems to me that Little Mr. Eris went in early April, so I thought I'd check it out.

Yeah, we missed it.

"How did we miss it?" I asked the nice secretary lady. "Well, didn't Little Mr. Eris bring home the flier for you to sign up? That's how we made the list this year."

Note to the folks at Acme Elementary: Little Mr. Eris doesn't bring home the hot-pink notes informing me he has no lunch money. Remember when he had to eat PB&J and not the turkey lunch the day before Thanksgiving break because he was like $4.00 in the hole? You cannot send notes home with a 10-year-old boy and expect them to make it past the blackhole that is his desk or out of the super-nova-black-hole that is his backpack.

Don't worry. We can drop by for a packet and they want to test her in early May. Cross your fingers for First Grade!

This Could Be a Long Career

Ah, the academic elite. You gotta love them. Last week I had dinner at a professor's house with two other graduate students. We had a nice hippy meal (cold spinach soup to start) and some very fun conversation, getting to know each other better. Briefly, the professor is woman in her mid to late 40s, the other two students are women in their mid to late 20s, one single the other married. I was the only one at the table with children.

At some point during the dinner one of them asked me if I was going to have any more children. (My answer to that question changes daily, hourly even, and I am not going to make any final decisions at the age of 31.) I told them, quite honestly, that I had no idea.

The room exploded as three women, none of whom have children and two of whom have never been married, said things like: "Be done, Eris!" "Think of the population, haven't you had enough?" And my favorite, "The planet needs you to stop."

Sweet, holy buckets. I expect this kind of stuff from my family and friends, who know what a terrible mother I am and so have a vested interest in seeing that I don't bring any more children into this world. But three nearly complete strangers?! Um, if you're looking for your beeswax, none if it is in my uterus.

I quickly changed the subject, but have been thinking... if two of those women are never going to have children, as they claimed, then I can have at least 6 to make up for their 4? Is that the way it goes?

No Way!

Today I sat in my TA class and listened to the instructor wondering why I even bothered to be there to hear a lecture about PR in entertainment and sports when she used an example:
"My husband's cousin is the manager of the Red Sox. And when they won in 04 Terry had to..."

I don't really know what she said after that because I sort of blacked out. Yes, that's right. I teach with a woman who is related to Terry Freaking Francona! Seriously, when I asked her after class to clarify that she was speaking of Terry Francona and she said yes, my stomach lurched and I was speechless. She didn't really understand why.

Man! How awesome is that?!

(Duchess, as is the case with any music related posts, you are not allowed to comment here. Oh, but sorry about the jersey in the foundation of your new stadium - that was uncool.)

PS - Welcome Pope!

Let the Withdrawals Begin

For the past year Little Mr. Eris and I have been reading the Harry Potter series. We took turns reading out loud with the Little Mr. starting and ending each book. It was so fun to watch him fill in the blanks or realize the plot points that the movies leave out. Then we started "The Half-blood Prince" - he had never seen the movie and so had no idea where the story was going. He was on the edge of his seat.

A month ago we procured three copies of "The Deathly Hallows" and the Numismatist read with us. She read on her own most of the time, but about once a week we got together to read. It was so fun! Today we finished the book, and consequently the series. (I loved this book the first time I read it - in 36 hours - and love it even more now!)

Anyway, the Little Mr. is now pouting all around the house saying things like, "I wish there were 19 books" and "Now, what are we going to do?" Oh. My. Gosh. He is so cute and sad. He seems to be worried that we won't be spending any time together now that I don't have the Weasley twins as a draw.

I have assured him that we will read more. We are starting "Call of the Wild" next, and then will move on to "Chronicles of Narnia." Suggestions for the book list are welcome!

Sidenote: His Accelerated Reading goal at school is 442%. He has decided to hold the book 7 test for his next goal.

Eris Finds a Toe-Hold

Update: Oh my gosh!!! If it's possible, I have an even bigger crush! Webb has already emailed back (and it's like 10 at night there) with a charming email (love those Brits) and the items I asked for and an article that contradicted his work just to cover my bases ("even though it is hard on my ego"). Could he be more wonderful?!

Thanks, in large part, to some encouraging words from the Duchess, and in small part to my stumbling bass-ackwards into a research topic I am really interested in and could actually fill a hole, I now have a geeky research crush. Two actually.

Some Brittons (Fisher and Webb) have done some interesting work adjacent to my topic, and I am now actively stalking their every move. I know this is boring to most everyone else, except again, maybe the Duchess (their PoliSci guys!) but I just had to share my excitement. I just sent these two gents an email about their work and requested a chance to chat.

I am giddy with anticipation at their response. My advisor stated that the email I wrote, "has an adequate amount of flattery" so I hope to get a favorable response. I haven't been this excited since I tried to get backstage at the last Neil Diamond concert.

What is Your Quest?

Five words: "I HATE INSTITUTIONAL REVIEW BOARD!"

I am now on my fourth revision of a study proposal that has been reviewed by four people including my temporary advisor, two IRB staffers and our department rep on the IRB - all of whom said some version of, "Looks great. No problem."

Um, this study will never happen and from now on, I'm quantitative all the way.

Because the rabbit was so entertaining, I am adding this to drive home my point. Seriously IRB committee: "African or European?"

"Look at the Bones!"

Remember the gang of deer? Tonight I crossed a bunny's path while walking to my car. It looked sort of like this.

Oh! My! Heck!

I have so been waiting for this. It's time to open the cedar chest again - I have some old t-shirts and giant buttons in there somewhere...