7!

We waited four years for this little miracle... and it was a girl? I wasn't prepared to be a mother to a girl, but 7 years ago Little Ms. Eris forced me into a crash course on the subject.

She is brilliant (truly) and funny and tough and beautiful. She is a big-hearted child who will befriend anyone and loves to make others feel welcome and wanted.

I have loved watching that baby girl who so terrified me turn into a darling little girl. And if the past 7 years are any indication, she will continue to amaze me as she grows to become a phenomenal woman. I hope she doesn't do it too fast, though.

Happy Birthday, Little Ms. Eris!

You'll Regret This One, Buddy

Last night I sat in my basement cleaning up the "cleaned up" family room Mr. Eris left for me and the phone rang. Little Ms. Eris answered and said, "Ok. Here's my mom." The following is a true account of what happened next:

Caller: "Hello, Ms. Eris. My name is Buddy and I am calling on behalf of
the American pro-life movement. Ms. Eris, the fight against ..."

Eris (interrupting): "BOY, DID YOU CALL THE WRONG HOUSE! WE ARE A PRO-CHOICE FAMILY. GOODBYE."

So, here is the question I pose: How did my phone number - which is connected to my name, which you will find on the list of active membership at the ACLU, Planned Parenthood, and the National Democratic Party - get on this calling list?!

Why New Jersey and Virginia Don't Matter

Ok, so they elected Republican governors today and pundits are calling it a bad sign for the White House and Hannity says it's a referendum on Obama. But here are a few things to consider:

1. Virginia has elected a governor from the opposite party in every election for something like the past 60 years. This one should be no surprise.
2. John Corzine, the former New Jersey governor, is a tool. Everyone in that state hates him.... No surprise here, either.
3. For the first time in decades, a Democrat has won in the New York 23rd. Sounds nice.
4. After spending $140 million on the race, Mike Bloomberg barely won re-election in New York City over a comptroller.* This should have been a cake walk for little Mike, but somehow it was a squeaker.

So, friends, even without the results from the gay marriage initiatives, I am declaring this election a wash. It may even be a win for Democrats.

*Does anyone know what a comptroller even does? Leah, explain please.

"YES, DRILL SERGEANT!!"

Little Mr. Eris is grounded, military school style. For the next two weeks he will be completing a series of chores, service projects (if you have any work you need done, let me know) and written assignments.

And if you have any children you need grounded back to the stone age... let me know. I can take care of that, too.

Let me close with the following: "No one messes with my shoes!"

On the Bright Side

I hate my digestive system. I have eaten a salad and four yogurt raisins today and am feeling miserable. Of course tonight would be the night some nice jerk brought pizza to class, too.

It's been a while since I got hit this hard, but imagine how loose my pants will be by the time I bounce back. yay.

The Last Resort

I am in the process of researching something for a project.

The research requires contacting some individuals who were active during the last legislative session.

The only way I can reach a few of these people is through Facebook.

The only way to get to their information is by joining Facebook.

Damnit. Someone tell me how to set my new profile to "blocked."

Subliminal

We had another (34 and counting) birthday party (also, 48 major holidays if you count Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter and Father's Day. But who's counting, right?) last night. There were some (three) surprise (family we've been waiting to have) guests. I am smiling (grinning with glee) just thinking about it (plbbbbbbbbt). Thanks for the picture, Numi (favorite).

Littlest Ms. Superstar

Tonight we finally celebrated Littlest Ms. Eris's birthday. She got a homemade rock star kit, complete with little stage, microphone and a cd of her favorite songs. The biggest hit? The purple hair extension headband from the dollar store. She is on her way to Superstardom!

I think my feelings about this birthday presesent could be best conveyed through a monologue from the made for t.v. movie "Long Island Lolita: The Amy Fisher Story" starring Alyssa Milano...

Represent.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Things I Do That My Dad Doesn't "Get"

Feel free to add to this list...

1. The cardboard Wesley Snipes head that I hung in my Geo Metro to keep people from breaking into my car. Again.
2. Enjoy a good tantrum (mine. Other people's emotional outbursts are ridiculous.).
3. Enjoy sleeping in.
4. Enjoy staying up late.
5. Listen to almost any of the music I listen to.
6. This. I can't be sure, but I'm going to bet his reaction to this will be, "Why?" Meanwhile, I find it to be absolute perfection.

The Hat Trick

Ok, people. Little Ms. Eris has broken her arm.

Isn't she cute? She told the nurse in November, when she had to watch her two siblings get tons of attention over their broken arms, that she wanted a cast. Well, one soccer game is all it took. She is enjoying all the attention and fawning - so send it her way.

For those of you keeping track: This makes three broken arms on three kids in nine months. So I would like to introduce you to our doctor. You can call him "Dr. Cool" for two reasons: first, he is the best doc in town; second, he has been cool enough not to notify DCFS about my clear sub-parenting.

Note: Before Little Ms. got her cast today I spent a couple of hours in Urgent Care with Little Mr. He left school early with a flag football injury.... deep tissue bruise, but no break. ~phew~

Dude in the House

Little Mr. Eris is a guy. Over the summer he started doing guy things. What are "guy things" you ask?

1. Using Axe hair product
2. Flirting with girls at the McDonald's
3. Emailing and calling girls in his class to make sure they would be at the pool
4. Wearing size 7 men's shoes
5. Showering daily - without a fight. He actually wants to smell good.

When did this happen? And what am I going to do with him now?

Milestone!

Today Roberta turned 200,000. We took the kids out for a short ride and some ice cream to watch the big moment happen.

Here's to the little, blue lady who:

- drove us to CA, ID, WY, CO and other fun getaways. And always in perfect safety.

- lovingly transported Little Ms. Eris home from the hospital.

- saw Mr. Eris through a harrowing sales position that required tons of miles of driving each week.

- took me to SLC daily during my last two careers.

- cradles my children while they sleep on drives.

- survived Mr. Eris and me ~wink~.

- looks lovely after 10 years and so many miles.

My Dad Was Right

You know what I love? Getting good and mad about something. I am really good at it. If engaging in verbal combat were an olympic sport I am sure I would have at least made the natioinal team - probably medalled.

You know what I used to hate? When Zeus used to "buddha" me. This is a family term and referred to Dad's tendency to derail my tantrums by saying something like, "You have no control over that so why be angry?" or "No one can make you feel that; you have control over how you react."

Seriously?

Well, last week I encountered a grave injustice. My department has found unique and creative ways to screw with me every year since I started my program. This year they rogered me good. As a result of bureaucracy and teaching assignments, I was forced to move from my cozy single occupancy office to an new cubicle with a roommate.

I was A.N.G.R.Y. During my tantrum I heard Zeus echoing in my head, "You have no control over that so why be angry?" and "No one can make you feel that; you have control over who you react." I was forced to try to be a grown up. And guess what? The woman I am cubing with is super nice. She is a first year and we have been enjoying each other's company.

Dad was right.... what else do you think he has been right about?

Counting Down

School starts in a couple of days - hooray! I should be spending this week resting and getting ready.... but no. I am spending it at work, moving my desk, chasing Little Mr. Eris to and from soccer tournaments, sending Littlest Ms. Eris back to school, attending multiple back-to-school nights, and trying to clean my house. It's been crazy.

But guess what? I have Sunday off. No church or anything. Double hooray!

Not To Show You Up Or Anything, But....

Remember this from the Duchess? Well, I am afraid I can beat it:
Yesterday I graded a paper with a used Hello Kitty bandaid on the last page. It left a juicy mark on the page when I moved it.

I Am That Mom

Dad left this morning so Numi was free to play all night at the pool! We took the Little Mr. and Ms. Erises and some dinner up around 5:30, looking forward to the quiet mostly adolescent-free environment that is the pool after the lifeguard leaves at 6. You see, with no lifeguard, you can only stay at the pool if you are 18 or older or with a parent. This leaves very few teenagers. yay!

Not tonight. Five kids stayed (one of whom was 18, the rest were 15-ish) and they proceeded to wrestle and play chicken in 75% of the shallow end. The little kids in the pool were banished to a little corner, lest they risk being swallowed up in the wrestling match or crushed by a falling chicken. Numi and I were more than a bit frustrated.

Then it happened. Little and Littlest Ms. Eris were floating around and ended up about a foot away from the melee. I got up and went to the side of the pool and started yelling at the kids:

Eris: "You guys have to calm it down. Stop being so rough! There are little kids in the pool and you are going to hurt one of them."

Snotty teenager: "We weren't going to land on them!"

Eris: "I'm sure you don't think so, but you were a foot away from them. Now calm it down!"

Snotty teenager: "Ok, but.."

Eris: "No but! Settle down or get out of the pool!"

Snotty teenager: "Ok, but..."

Eris: "No! No but! Settle down or get out of the pool before someone gets hurt!"

Snotty teenager: silence followed by quiet grumbling with his friends.

Then they left and Little Mr. Eris thanked me for embarrassing him and pretty much guaranteeing that he will never be asked to play shark again. Yes, I am the Mom that yells at your acquaintances and ensures you will be a social pariah for the rest of the summer. Send condolences to Little Mr.

PS - Happy Birthday, Athena!!

Pioneer Day Eve

Mr. Eris and I have just finished tucking all the children in. They have hung their thermal underwear from the mantel. Surely they are dreaming of Pioneer Pete and his covered wagon pulled by four magical oxen as he delivers whittled toys, rag dolls and horehound candy to those who have been good. I don't know who is more excited, the kids or me?

It's the most magical time of the year. And best of all? Our family from New York have travelled here to share this special holiday. Welcome J. and B.! We look forward to spending this most precious of days with you!

The Fastest I Ever Ran in My Whole Life

Today I went running in the mountains. I slept in too late to go with my usual running buddy, so I went with my favorite music blaring out of the speakers on my phone (couldn't find the headphones?).

It was a great run until I saw something 20 yards away. Something that jumped across the trail. Something that was bigger than my dogs and had a round tail and jumped like... a cat. Stop. Turn. Run away.

Too bad I had no "handy small children."



But I'll be bringing one next time, for sure.

Send Love

Hey everybody, send out some good vibes to my dad. It's good, but sad.

XOXOXO