An RFP

Today at work I had a moment of panic. Without divulging too much, I can safely tell you that I had the chance to apply for some funding, but because I never received information on the application process and I didn’t HOUND someone about the process, I ended up doing a quickie application and throwing three people into a tailspin at noon today.

This sucks.

I hate that I inconvenienced others. I hate that I looked like a disorganized, flighty moron. I hate that I didn’t stalk the guy who had the information I needed (further evidence that I dislike the begging for money portion of my job). But most of all, I hate that now that I have made this completely correctible error, I cannot get rid of the knot in my stomach.

So my internets, I am issuing an RFP: submit a proposal detailing how you would teach Eris to be ok with her mistakes. Include a plan for long-term mistakes (i.e. the lie I told my friends in 6th grade, that I immediately confessed to them, but still feel guilty about!) as well as a plan for imaginary mistakes (I actually went to my bishop once because I was worried that I may have committed a sin years ago – it ended with him sort of laughing at me).

What I’m looking for is a strategy for not getting caught up in this kind of stuff. Why can’t I be more like Mr. Eris who called in sick for work yesterday so he could host his buddies for poker night? He had no guilt, whatsoever. I feel like I need to fast for forgiveness just because I didn’t stop him.

Submit immediately. I’d like to get a good nights sleep sometime soon.

A Love Note

Dear Person Who Stole My Credit Card Number:

I hope you enjoy the purchases you made from Bed, Bath & Beyond and Home Depot on my Target Visa. Hopefully, you purchased ice cube trays and a fan - it's going to be hot down there.

Sincerely,
Eris

Exactly How Old is Dirt, Anyway?

I had one of those violent-shove-into-reality experiences today. The scene: an off-site visit with two co-workers, each of whom is slightly (less than 8 years) younger than I. While off-site, I saw a t-shirt that read, “You might be older than dirt if…” and then proceeded to list several items, a few of which I will share with you now.
- You remember candy cigarettes
- You remember soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
- You remember S&H Green Stamps

Now, there were others on the list that I recognized, and probably half of the list meant nothing to me.

As I laughed and thought out loud about my fond memories of getting busted with candy cigarettes, buying glass bottles out of the JMM pop machine, and the books of Green Stamps my mom collected, my co-workers looked at me with a combination of sadness and pity.

They had NEVER seen a glass pop bottle?! They didn’t know about Green Stamps?!?! Imagine trying to explain Green Stamps to someone who is too young to remember wooden nickels or the Brady Bunch episode where the boys want to use the Green Stamps to buy a canoe and the girls want to buy a new oven, but they learn to compromise and buy a new t.v. It’s almost impossible!

So, here’s my theory: the generation gap lies somewhere between 1977 and 1979. Both of my co-workers were born in 1981 and they had no idea what I was talking about. As further evidence, I recall a friend born in 1980 who stared blankly when I told him about vinyl and record players and just last week I had someone ask me, “Airplane? Is that like a movie or something?”

Help me out, internet loves… Was it all really that long ago?

So That Happened

I'm walking down the hall at work.

A client you've met before comes up to me and stands right next to me.

She mutters, "You're gonna die."

nice.

My Weekend

Little Mr. Eris turned 9 over the weekend. He's getting so big - like a gross boy.
Anyway... last year we started a new tradition for his birthday: nordic sports. He likes to snowboard, which I completely disagree with because I have been a skier since I was 3. Snowboarding is the sissy way. But I had to let the kid board because the Newbie boards and Little Mr. Eris worships the Newbie. So my kid is now a knuckle-dragger - practically the missing link.

Aside from the fundamental disagreement over whether snowboarding is, in fact, a sport, we had a great day. It was warm, so it was kind of like skiing through a slurpie.

Fortunately, Little Mrs. Eris is still young enough that I can force her to ski.
I spent half the day skiing down the mountain backwards saying this: "Pizza slice. [pause] PIZZA SLICE. [pause] PIZZA SLICE!!" While I yelled this she put her skis together and parallel and skied as fast as she could straight down the mountain. The backwards skiing did give me a great calf workout. Love her!

PS - Welcome back Duchess!

The Geek G-Spot

Ok, Meemoo and Loki: Check this out

All the rest of you, you'll most likely want to just move along.

WARNING: STOP THE VIDEO BEFORE YOU GET TO THE CAT ME IF YOU CAN SONG. THAT'S NOT YOUR PURPOSE.

Welcome Back, Baby

Happy to report that Mabel is back from her 10-day doggy time-out. She is a bit more reserved than she used to be, but other than that she's great and the vet has given her a clean bill of health.

Now... if I could just convince Mr. Eris that she is no longer an "outside" dog!

Better than W.

Well, the final decision is in. I have been weighed and measured, and have been sent the following:

I am sorry to inform you that our admissions committee decided against offering you admission into our program.... This means that some applicants were not admitted because they were competing against others who had similar interests and offered an equally strong, if not stronger, fit with our department.
See ya, wouldn't want to be ya,
the University of Washington.

and...

Your academic background and interests appear to be a good match with the research interests and strengths of our facutly, and we look forward to welcoming you as a member of our department community.
Hugs and kisses,
the University of Utah.

So, Utahns love me. Washingtonians, not so much. I read each letter with a mixture of apprehension and relief. It's good to know that I got in somewhere, and it's great to know I don't have to move or pay for babysitting while I try to do this ~wink~.

In the final analysis, though, all that matters is that my approval rating is 50%. That is 13 points better than the President of the United States at last count.

PS - I promised my mom I wouldn't tell her about this while she was in Hawaii. So, shhhhhhhhh. Let's see if she's been checking up on me.

Eris is Torn, Here

Ok, I have a problem with this for a couple of reasons:

1. Is "That's so gay" really the wittiest retort this girl could come up with? She's making the rest of us look bad.
2. Keeping in mind the fact that I love, love, love the gays: you could argue that this dumb girl had no true idea what she was saying. I hear "That's retarded" all the time, and people look shocked when I'm call them on it.
3. How many of the kids who were teasing this girl about being Mormon got a disciplinary note in their file? HMMMMM?!?!?!?
4. Why are her parents asking for "damages?" Just sue for the note to be removed and be done. Don't try to make a dime off this.

Sunday Night

Ok, I hate Sunday night. There's nothing good on t.v. and I have to decide what to wear to work tomorrow. Luckily, I got to watch part of the Oscars.

Is it just me, or shouldn't someone have told Jennifer Hudson that her bra was showing during her musical performance?

I will sell my soul if I can look as good when I'm in my sixties as Helen Mirren does.

I've never seen so many women in tuxedoes. Ellen rules!

I don't care what you say, Ryan Philippe is an idiot and Reese Witherspoon is HOT (yes, I am wearing a tuxedo right now).

I missed out on the Duchess's Oscar Party. Bummer, except that I would have had no shot at winning the pool - I knew nothing about the movies this year. Dang, I miss working at Blockbuster sometimes. But I love my precious celebrities.

Thank you, Betty Friedan

I'm sitting at my house, teaching Little Mr. Eris how to use his new email account and signing him up on Club Penguin (basically, a my space/chatroom for tweens that is heavily moderated). While doing this Little Miss Eris is constantly asking for a chance to type her name... so here you go:
alli

Anyway, while Little Mr. Eris was playing we had the radio on and the Beastie Boys song "Girls" came on. This is Little Miss Eris's favorite song. She twirls around the house singing along, only she changes all the "girls!" to "boys!" which makes me laugh on the outside and fills me with glee on the inside.

Is it possible that Little Miss Eris has learned from the past year that men and women have equal roles? Can I begin to hope that the little girl who once wore so much pink that it looked like a Disney princess actually threw up on her is turning into a little feminist? Has society come along far enough that my daughters will not be looked cross-eyed at when they announce that they are going to work while their husband stays home?

Or am I reading too much into this?

UPDATE: I decided to ask Little Miss Eris why she sings "boys!" during the song and she said the following:

"Because it says 'to do the dishes and laundry' and that's what my daddy does."

Score one for the glassy-eyed Clintonistas!

Random Thoughts

- Meemoo is making a list of songs that should be on the Guitar Hero bonus disc. Please feel free to contribute... Duchess, you are welcome, even though I know you will not join my "Add a Neil song" campaign.
- It never ceases to amaze me the way people can twist a tragedy to make it justify their bonehead ideas. Examples: #1 9-11 led to a war in Iraq? #2 A deranged teen shoots a bunch of people in my favorite SLC mall and now we hate muslims????
- I have turned into Jan Brady at work. "Am I invisible? I had that same idea 2 weeks ago."
- Now that I am home alone on weeknights, I keep the house a lot cleaner and the kids are in bed on time. Seriously? I think Mr. Eris is the biggest troublemaker in the bunch.
- Mr. Eris and I record Monday night t.v. and Thursday night t.v. to watch together on the weekends. This means I can watch Ugly Betty and Grey's Anatomy (Patrick Dempsey has been a crush of mine since I was 15 and saw him mow the lawn shirtless in Can't Buy Me Love). I would give anything to touch Patrick Dempsey's hair!
- Just a minute. I'm still picturing him on that lawmower.....

Ok, I'm back.
- Scissors should not be left around a 4-year-old. The kid is bald.
- Dear Mitt Romney, SSSSSTTTTTTOOOOOOPPPPPPP!!!!
- Only 6 weeks till baseball starts. YAY!
- This is the new soundtrack in my house. If only it mentioned the DS.

I Have Better Hair than All Three of Those People!

Your Aura is Green

You're very driven, competitive, and even a bit jealous. However, you seek out balance in your life - and you usually achieve it! The purpose of your life: inspiring others to be better Famous greens include: Tony Robbins, Donald Trump, Martha Stewart Careers for you to try: Guru, CEO, Talk Show Host

What Color Is Your Aura?

Justified

The best research I've read about in a while.

Status:

Got this today... Stomach is no longer in my throat and has now returned to its rightful place.

Dear Debra Jenson:

The University of Washington Department of Communication has received your complete application for Autumn 2007 graduate admissions. Our Admissions Committee will review your application and notify you of its decision by the middle of March.

Please keep me apprised of any changes in your address, phone, or e-mail in the meantime. If you have any questions about your application, please feel free to contact me at cominfo@u.washington.edu. We appreciate your interest in the Department of Communication.

Sounds like I have a month to go. Hurray!

Eris Rediscovers Freddie

I had a ton of store credit to burn at the FYE - still do, even after a $100 shopping spree over the weekend. Jealous? Well, you should be. This store credit allowed me to browse, free from worry, and actually discover some CDs I didn't have, and one I wasn't even aware of.

I must take a moment to explain to you that I am, in fact, an official member of the Freddie Mercury fan club in Hungary. I don't speak Hungarian, and I have no plans for learning it - but Freddie was from Budapest and I like to worship right at the source, so I joined when I was 17.

Anyway, at the FYE I found this new volume III of Queen: Greatest Hits. It has "Barcelona" and "Princes of the Universe" and "The Great Pretender." Not to mention some songs I had never heard of, including the only studio recording from Brian, Roger and John since Freddie died.

I love Queen!

Whoa. That was a rush.

Eris Defeats the Cyberbugs

Ok, it's only taken me 6 months, but I figured it out. I now have links! Feel free to roam about, meet my friends - say, "Hello!" I'll be adding more as I find them.

I am considering adding my cyberstalking victim, as well - but is it too soon? And will it just seem creepy?

Oh, well. Chaos awaits, so I must adieu!

A Snag

ARGH! I just called the University of Washington to double check that my application packet had arrived (Which was a load of crap. Of course I knew it had arrived: I paid the post office extra money so I could track the damn thing on-line and knew exactly when it was signed for!). Anyway. The department admissions secretary was gone forever. She came back on the line and said, “It took me a while because yours was in all those other envelopes. Really difficult to sort through.”

Excuse me for a moment. DAAAAAMMMMMNNNNNIIIIIIITTTTT!

I put the information in well-labeled envelopes: 1. Letters of Recommendation; 2. Official Transcripts; 3. Curriculum Vitae; 4. Scholarly Writing Sample. The envelopes were placed in the larger envelope in the order they were listed on the instructions on the website, with my cover letter and completed application form (signed in blue ink, of course) placed in front.

Does that not sound like a beautifully organized application packet?!?! My obsessive nature would not allow me to just throw the stuff in the one envelope without organizing it in some way – which, coincidentally, is exactly what the secretary said she wished everyone would do!

Hang on. I just have to do something. AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Ok, so the good news is: they have my packet and it’s complete. I’m in the running.

The bad news is either:
A. I have pissed off the secretary by organizing my packet the way I did and she has blackballed me (I don’t think this is the case, as we actually had a pretty good 5 minute conversation about UW and why I want to go there and I was very apologetic for being a pain in the ass);
or
2. I am applying to go to school in a department that does not appreciate organization, or filing folders, or properly enclosed materials, or – heaven forbid – using post-its that are with color coordinated highlighters.

BTW: I can expect an email or phone call between February 2 and March 30. So I should sleep like a kitten for the next 3-8 weeks.

A Funny Thing at Work

The following is a word-for-word transcription from a conversation between my officemate and me:

Roommate: "Hey, look at this. Isn't it cool?"
Eris: "Yeah, that is cool. Who drew it?"
Roommate: "Joe drew it. Don't touch it, it might have poop on it."

So there, all you people who work in a normal office with boring, old, everyday people!

Eris's List of Things that are Awesome

1. I now go to 11 o’clock church. Admittedly, this sucks for Little Eris #2, as 11 o'clock church lands us at church right in the middle of nap-time. But seriously, who are the people who show up on time for 9 o’clock church?

2. Shoes. I worked my last shift at the shoe store last night. Sad. BUT, I did get to do all
the clearance re-pricing for the season before I left, which means I created a small nation of shoes to purchase as my farewell gift to myself. Boots for $3.50!! It would have been a crime against nature to not purchase them.

3. Little Mr. Eris telling me that he doesn’t want me to quit my job at the shoe store. Why, you might ask? Because he wants me to “have 3 jobs so we can have more money.” I haven’t decided if it’s cute or offensive – either way it’s funny.

4. Mr. Eris is employed: Awesome! He’s working nights, which means we won’t be seeing each other much (not awesome), but it does free me up to actually get back to kick-boxing class.

5. Nancy Pelosi. Just cuz.

6. Hugh, Justin and Jake on SNL. I have been an SNL fan for decades now, and the last 2 seasons have been painfully bad, with the exception of 3 hosts: Hugh Laurie (“This is a protest song.”), Justin Timberlake (“Bring it on down to Homeless-ville.”), and Jake Gyllenhal (“Lazer Cats 2”).

7. Monty Python’s Flying Circus. When SNL does blow – which is most of the time, now, I can now flip to KUER and watch John, Terry and the boys. Never fails to make me laugh out loud.

8. When Far Away Grandma and Grandpa just randomly call for no reason. It makes me feel loved, and gives me comfort that they like me, too.

9. My nephew, the Newbie. Man I love that kid.

10. Ok, Meemoo, you were right: Guitar Hero is awesome. Newbie introduced me to this game on Friday night and it took all my grown up will power to say it was time to quit playing and go home. In case you were wondering: I am totally starting a Rage Against the Machine cover band.

So, those things are awesome. That should just about cover it.