Beat That, Numismatist

Look what Little Ms. Eris found in her ice cream from Warrens!

Say That 7 Times Fast

Mr. Eris is on soccer sabbatical. Today he went to the doctor to find out how long this unwanted break will have to be and he came home with a post-it note that says:

valgus producing distal femoral osteotomy.

I have informed his parents that they will be paying for this surgery as they clearly sold me a stud with a bum leg. Honestly, this right leg is getting ridiculous! I am voting we just hack the darn thing off. Suggestions for peg-leg design are now being accepted.

This Makes Him Even Hotter in My Book

Yesterday Mr. Eris brought me a Pepsi at the shoe store. No, that's not what makes him even hotter (though it does support my "sweetest guy ever" hypothesis). Here's what happened:

He was walking across the parking lot to come in the store and a car pulled up next to him. A guy rolled down the window and said, "Hey, are you gay?"

Mr. Eris replied, "Yes."

This qualifies him for one of a few things: a. making out with Rupert Everett (I am not opposed, as long as I get to watch!); b. serving as Governor of New Jersey or Senator from Idaho; or c. wearing better shoes.

I can help him with the last one!

For Athena...

Watch this... followed by this...

You're Welcome.

You Look Like a Monkey!

Little Mr. Eris enjoyed his breakfast of Cocoa Puffs and muffins, and present opening. You know your kid is getting old when the birthday prince crown from the dollar section at Target is too small. He did not enjoy the bobby-pins.

Happy Birthday, Big Guy!

Remember Me?

I had to check my blog today because I honestly couldn't remember the last time I posted. Not much to tell you, except that today starts week 9 of 14 for school and it's starting to get real. This semester has been much better for two reasons: first, I'm not working full time at the shoe store, so I actually have time to get my work done (not that I ever have all my reading done, I'm not that good); and second, I have method classes instead of theory classes, so I get to do actual research and not that crappy "what is the true meaning of theory?" junk.

Anyway, I have an IRB and tons of reading for a state-of-the-research paper to do, so I'd better skedattle. But first a couple of personal notes:

To Athena: The door was snacked on again when Little Mr. Eris forgot to put the pup in the kennel. She's getting plenty of fiber at Auntie Eris's house.

To the Duchess: Once again, sorry about the soft-porn.

To Meemoo: Anytime you need a laugh I'm happy to share my wedding book. The video has some choice stuff too. Maybe when you come to visit.

To the Numismatist: Maybe we can take 1/4 of another $5 bill and cash in your find, as well as the 3/4 of the original? Am I brilliant? Thanks for the spell-check!

Finally, to the U: Up yours, tentatively.

Love, Eris.

The Many Talents of the Little Ms.

Tonight while Little Mr. Eris and I read our chapters in HP5 Little Ms. Eris decided to do my hair. This is always an adventure. It started with every headband she owns being snapped onto my head (forehead, too, very Solid Gold) and ended with this:

Six-Word Memoirs

A couple of weeks ago I heard a story on NPR (yes, I know, Nerd!) about six-word memoirs. They issued a challenge to listeners to write their own. Some were great, moving, sweet, funny, etc. I have been working on mine for a while and, while I am sure it will change (suggestions are welcome), this is it:

"Living for family that loves back"

Share yours.

PS - Dad, thanks for the books. I've been grinning and on the verge of tears over this fun, new collection all day. Can't wait to crack them!

Meemoo Rocks!

I shared the puking in the car memory on your blog, Meemoo, but I wanted to make sure I shared something nicer: I'm glad we kidnapped you and Mitchell in 2001 for a trip to S.M. (the photo is from your first trip to my house!) and I am so grateful for your friendship, and the fact that you and I both married big studly, geeks, so we could do things like:
- stay up all night talking the first night we met Matt;
- pull an all-night drive and go to a Broncos game;
- watch comic-book themed movies;
- play in Disneyland with my mom, and stay at your parents' house (why did they move?!);
- abuse my shoe discount;
- do scrapbooks with your sister (while Clay walked around shirtless);
- buy a red rug in Greely.

You're the best - Happy Birthday!

Another One?

Pray for the people at Northern Illinois University.

Fortunately, I teach in a state that forces the university to allow guns on campus. So, it's all going to be fine.

Pride Schmide

The guy next to me on the TRAX platform threw four pennies, one at a time, on the tracks.

I immediately jumped in and picked them up.

And Then He Goes and Does Something Like That

Today was Wednesday (NO. There will be no Super Tuesday post - visit the Duchess for that). On Wednesdays I stay home all day. It rocks. On this Wednesday, I spent the day cleaning all the "Little" rooms.

Little Mr. Eris lives in the basement where he enjoys a fair amount of freedom. I get down there once every couple of weeks to yell at him for a messy room. Today I skipped the middle man and just cleaned it myself. I wasn't too mad, because he had just cleaned it a couple of days ago. So I started going through all the little papers and scraps (and a kabillion candy wrappers... glad we're paying for those braces just so his teeth can rot) and I found a TRAX ticket on his desk.

The TRAX ticket was from September 12, 2007 - the day he came to school with me and went to one of my classes. We rode the train, ate some lunch, went to class and had a great time.

The kid saved the TRAX ticket. Sweet Oden's Rave, I love him.

PS - Numismatist, this story is not aimed at you...

Eris: Frontier Woman

Last night as I left school I walked on the sidewalk in the dark (apparently, in an effort to "Be Green" the U has decided that lighting along the sidewalks is unnecessary) I chatted with Mr. Eris on the phone. I was concentrating on the ground, hoping to not slip on some ice. I looked up.

Three deer were standing on the sidewalk in front of me. They were staring at me. I stopped and asked, "What do I do here? I know they can't rip out my jugular, but they don't appear to be scared of me...."

As Mr. Eris told me to "just keep walking, they'll move." I noticed two more deer just off the sidewalk, coming toward the three already in front of me, all of them looking at me.

I froze. "Um, now there are five and I don't think I can take them in a fight." Mr. Eris mocked. I took a couple of steps backward and noticed that there were three more deer just off the other side of the walk.

For those of you doing the math, that's EIGHT DEER confronting me on sidewalk. What are they, in a gang? Am I about to be jumped in?

I turned around and took the long way to the TRAX station. They made me miss my train.

My Grill

UPDATE: Day 2 and the menu so far? A Razzmatazz Jamba Juice (filling and cold, so it felt good on the metal mouth) and now, oatmeal. Basically anything I don't have to chew. Jealous? I thought so.

Yes, I have a grill. 8-12 months and counting.

I have officially added "Wear your retainer"
to the list of things the Numismatist was right about.

For You, Duchess

Pick Flick!

You're Clapping for That Guy?

Not that you care, but below are my comments on the SoU:
- $300 million to send inner-city kids to private schools? Why don't we spend $300 million to improve the public schools they already go to?!
- The ear-mark thing? Pretty brave to make a new rule that only applies in 2009. Good luck new guy (or gal).
- "When it comes to health care funding, decisions should be made between you and your doctor, not the halls of government." Don't get too excited lady, you and your uterus are still fair game.
- The "c" comes before the "l" in NUCLEAR when you spell it and when you say it.
- I think Nancy Pelosi is reading a Harlequin Romance.
- Fuzzy math... if 20,000 troops are on the way home from Iraq, not to be replaced, is that off the original 150,000 sent or the 30,000 additional troops sent in last year's "surge" so technically we still have 10,000 more there than when we started? It's confusing to me.
- Pledge to the troops that you'll have everything you need.*
- Maybe Iran's nuclear subterfuge is the result of a translating error. It's possible they do not have a word for "nucular."
- I love the Homer Simpson argument that this administration has kept us safe from another terrorist attack on our soil. "Ever since the Bear Squad came to town, I haven't seen another bear."

*This pledge is effective Jan. 28, 2008 and cannot be applied to the armor and protective gear we gave you to start out with in 2003.

D'oh!

It snowed today. Technically, it was a blizzard. On the news you would have thought it was the end of the world. It started around 10 and continued for three hours, and I admit I was nervous about getting to school tonight. I considered calling in to cancel. But I didn't. I shoveled out of my driveway at 2 o'clock and drove to school. At 4:55 a classmate saw me as I was taking off my coat and he said, "Aren't you happy about tonight?" I was puzzled. "You do know that class is cancelled, right?"

Apparently an email went out at 1:48, about three minutes after I packed up my stuff and started shoveling out. I drove for two hours and wasted a quarter tank of gas, and now I am home.

On the bright side: I get to watch the State of the Union. I am seriously considering liquor tonight in celebration of the last Bush SoU I will have to listen to.

Have We Met?

Mr. Eris is sitting next to me, surfing the web. He actually just said this to me:

"I love how they print articles that say things like, 'Why Obama won.' He won because he got more votes. Duh."

So, does he even know what I do?

Water, Water Everywhere and Not a Drop to Drink (or Shower)

Since Thursday afternoon we have been without water. A pipe broke up the canyon. A 70-plus-year-old pipe. For 12 hours they tried to weld the big, freaking gash in the pipe. It didn't work. Go figure. For the past three days one-third of the O.C. has been living off bottled water and the kindness of family of friends for showers.

Tonight the water came back on, but here's the kicker: the city delivered 4 gallons of bottled water to each house today so we could have drinking water and on the news they said the water would basically be toilet water until Monday. Has the city made any effort to contact us and tell us what this stuff coming out of our tap is safe for? NO.

I have water coming out, but I can't wash dishes. Or clothes. Or my body. So tomorrow I will shower at the Numismatist's house and do laundry at Mr. Eris's parents' house. And I will pray that my neighbors are smarter than Mr. Eris (who just threw away his toothbrush because he started to brush his teeth with the tap water).

Thank you Nincompoop.

Blink, and You May Miss Him

Watch this.

See anyone familiar??

3 hints for K.: 1. He used to offer to light Deke's two fingers. 2. You can find him in my wedding book and your parents' wedding photos. 3. In 25 years, I'll have the same gray hair.

Um, A Little Help Here

On my way from my car in the park & ride lot to the train I saw something on the ground. It was paper. My first thought was "Oh, please let it be a money order or cashier's check for $5,0000!"

Nope.

It's a birth certificate from Texas in 1952. So, my question is: Now what do I do with this thing? Call the police and turn it in to them? Call UTA and turn it in to them? It's a mystery.

Discuss.

UPDATE: I contacted UTA and they say I should give it to the driver on my train home. This makes me nervous, especially in light of Loki's comment. Do I really want to give this thing to some random person? Identity theft, anyone?

Happy Anniversary, Roe

35 years of freedom for women. Pray (and vote!) for at least 35 more.

Donuts, Pepsi and You

Yesterday was the big day - 12 years with the Mr. We had a great day, playing Guitar Hero in Pocatello and then some nice Italian food. Then we spent the night in Logan. Cache Valley is sooo romantic. We spent the drive talking about our favorite memories from the first dozen. Here are some of the commonalities:

1. We rented a little house for the first year. The guy who lived downstairs was in a band and played the song "Breakfast at Tiffany's" constantly. We could hear it perfectly - but that's probably nothing compared to what he heard. ~wink~
2. We lived on Hamburger Helper for the first year. I still can't eat that.
3. We didn't get a honeymoon (it was the middle of the semester). So on May 19th we went to Disneyland while on a soccer trip for Mr. Eris. It was a great day, but we can't remember a dang thing about it except getting stuck at the park with no ride home.
4. We spent more time undressed for the first six months than we did dressed.
5. We can take long road trips, such as drives to Pocatello, and just talk the whole time. It's nice.

PS - You can visit the Numismatist for some photos. They were quite a shock.

Pick a Winner!

86% Chris Dodd
85% Joe Biden
85% Mike Gravel
85% Dennis Kucinich
83% John Edwards
83% Barack Obama
78% Hillary Clinton
69% Bill Richardson
38% Rudy Giuliani
26% John McCain
23% Ron Paul
19% Mike Huckabee
18% Tom Tancredo
17% Mitt Romney
8% Fred Thompson

2008 Presidential Candidate Matching Quiz

Notice: all my top matches are either already out of the race or believe they saw a UFO while hanging out with Shirley Maclaine.

Man, do I loves me some crazy liberals!

Yay!

Great meeting with possible advisor for dissertation. Feeling more at home... the cubicle helps.

Taught first class today - loved it! Dad, you can relax now, I am sure this is what I want to do.

The Numismatist visited for lunch and then met my dept. chair. "Ann this is my mom." Does that make me look quaint or oddly codependent? Who cares! It was a fun lunch and tour.

Littlest Ms. Eris is potty-trained! We have three diapers left if anyone needs 'em.

Mr. Eris is loving his new job. Happy enough that he moved the lifesize Spiderman into his office.

Share your good news...

The Beat Goes On

Today, I went to the class I am TA-ing in - and this is the best gig ever! I sit in class while the instructor teaches. I say nothing. I do nothing. I will have to grade two assignments and two tests for the semester. She says maybe I'll teach a session or two. Hmmm, I'm ok with this set up.

My cubicle is the first one as you walk in the door of the grad student offices, which means I am now the un-official receptionist. But that's ok, I brought in a Mason Jar for tips. And I have close to five hours on Tuesday and Thursday to do nothing but work (and eat). Plus, I have a window, too!

And Meemoo, I'm disappointed in you. "Promise me you'll look after Tommy Boy here, til he gets his feet wet!"

You Have a Window. And Why Shouldn't You? You've Been Here Ten Minutes...

As you all know, Mr. Eris started a fantastic, grown up job last week. He is the Student Services Coordinator at a local college. I wasn't entirely sure what that meant at first, but here are the details as I have gathered.

He is in charge of making sure the students:
a. come to school
b. have a positive experience at school
c. get the help they need (tutoring and such)
d. have ample student organizations to belong to
e. have a super fun orientation (which he teaches!)

So basically, Mr. Eris is there to be the guy the students want to talk to and to be nice to them. He'll be perfect for it. If you have any doubts, consider the fact that his biggest job-related concern is to find the right candy dish to put on his desk.

Oh, and in case you were wondering: yes, he does have a window.

It's Possible, Pig

This week we are enjoying the classics in the Eris household. As we celebrated Christmas with Googamus and her little uns we watched Miracle on 34th Street and Robin Hood: Men in Tights, followed by a little of Mystery Men. Now, some of you may ask what makes Mystery Men a classic, and I say, "Shut it! Any movie with Hank Azaria rocks!"

Get this: Mr. Eris, who is 37-years-old and worked at Blockbuster for more than a decade, had never seen Edward Scissorhands. How is that even remotely possible?!?! So we watched it in our jammies on New Years Eve. The kids loved it, and Little Mr. Eris kept asking, "Are you sure that's Captain Jack Sparrow?"

Tonight, following the Mr.'s second day at his new job (which he loves and makes him feel very important!), we ate Mac & Cheese with Weenies and are now watching The Princess Bride. Love it!

It's good to be old and boring.

"Have you ever considered piracy? You'd make a wonderful Dread Pirate Roberts."

Merry Christmas

Hope you had a wonderful day and remembered what it's all about (not to get too preachy, but you know what I mean).

Meemoos: We are now the proud owners of GH 1 and 2 - I'm practicing and will be ready to rock on our next visit. The link on the title is in honor of this gift.

God bless us. Everyone.

Victory Tour, Part V

Question: What happens when it starts to rain on your last night at Disneyland?



Answer: You buy 14 freaking ponchos and enjoy the whole place to yourself.

Quick note: Little Ms. Eris got to meet several princesses today, most importantly, Princess Aurora (a.k.a. Sleeping Beauty). She wanted to know where Prince Phillip was. I told her he was probably home with the kids while Aurora did all the important governing. She liked that idea.

Victory Tour, Part IV

After a day at Sea World and two days at Disneyland, we finally found something for Little Mr. Eris: LegoLand. (Yes, that is the Iwo Jima monument made out of Legos, part of the Lego version of Washington, D.C.)



Then, he wanted a picture at the beach. I insisted on one for me, the kiss was a surprise. (Yes, I realize who I look like. No need to comment.)



And lastly: something for the Numismatist and Athena. It's like they knew she was coming!

Victory Tour, Part III

Snow White is a dumb broad, I know. The chick is warned by a hunter that her evil stepmom is trying to kill her and told specifically by 7 dwarves NOT TO open the door or talk to anyone. So what does she do? She opens the door to an old crone, and then... THEN.... SHE EATS SOMETHING A STRANGER GAVE HER! Seriously, the worst role model ever for little girls.


Here's a picture of my daughter with Snow White (see the box on the right for why I wanted this picture).

Victory Tour, Part II

Before:


and after...

The Victory Tour, Part I

Here's the first day - Sea World...

The Littlest Ms. Eris loved the Shamu show. Little Ms. Eris loved getting popcorn (you can't say she's not plain folk). Little Mr. Eris liked the penguins.

As for me, I loved not having to worry about school. And Mr. Eris loved knowing he has a fancy new job to come home to.

Break Time

It's 12:40. I've been at the library since 8:30. I have been typing since 9:00. For those of you who care, especially Athena, it's a literature review on research done on debate effects. It's break time (potty, post, Pepsi).

I've been kind of worried that my full-bodied loathing of this past semester is a sign that a coming back for a PhD was maybe a big mistake. But today has reminded me of how much I love researching and writing. I wish I could stay here all day and night, but I have to leave at 3 for my stupid theory class.

So I will drudge through the courses, looking longingly forward to the research process. Duchess, let's get working on your idea next week! We can do this by email at first while we are both gone, right?

And yes, I realize "nerd" is the word you are thinking right now. I don't care.

Now I Can Work!

Three weeks of school left. I have two papers to present this week, one final draft of a methods section to turn in, and one paper to just turn in. Next week, I have two papers due.

But it is ALLLLLL good. Why? you ask. Well, because I have been slowly working on these projects all semester (very slowly, to tell the truth) but the work load means nothing, it's the shirt that matters.

Through my last year at Weber and my two years of grad school at USU whenever I had a lot of work to do I would get cozy in my Brooklyn Roads sweatshirt and all would be well. The sweatshirt has been lost for the last week. PANIC! Mr. Eris found the shirt for me today, and now I am booking along! All is right in my academic world.

I'll be in touch after Thursday. Wish me luck!

Banana Clips Are Next

Dateline: Salt Lake City - UT

I was driving to school and saw a license plate that read:
2 LIGIT

I was driving home from school and heard the following on the radio:

Blame it on the rain, that was falling, falling;
Blame it on the stars that shine at night.
Whatever you do, don't put the blame on you,
Blame it on the rain...

Seriously? Is it 1992 and no one told me?

Dang-it-all

Today was Little Ms. Eris's birthday party. The big five. We had a raft of kids in our house to come pay homage to the tiny Goddess of Chaos. It was great - the Numismatist brought crepe paper and party favors - yes, she is a life saver.

Today was nice. Then, it happened. The Little Ms. and I were downstairs on the couch, getting ready to watch a movie and she asked to look at my wedding book. I said ok and she started going through the pages one at a time. After a couple of passes through, I noticed she stopped on the "parents" page a little longer than the rest. The next time through, she decided to name everyone in the pictures. Again, we stopped on the "parents" page. And now, the scene:

"Papa and Daddy."
"Grandma and Mommy."
"Nana and Daddy."
pause....pause....pause....
"Who is that?"
Uncomfortable silence.
"That's just someone who came to the wedding."
"Who is he?"
"That used to Mommy's dad. He's not around anymore."
"Did he die?"
"No, he just doesn't talk to Mommy."
"Maybe he just doesn't like you."

She may be on to something, there.

Civic Doody

It was voting day! Do you have your sticker? I do.

As I arrived at my polling place this evening I was greeted just outside the parking lot by people holding campaign signs. I approached them and asked if they were far enough away from the polling location. (I was further bothered by the fact that they were standing on the parking strip and sidewalk in front of an LDS church. Um, no politicking there, please.)

Their response? "We are standing where the guy who hired us told us to stand." They were campaigning for a city council candidate whose family name is on half the buildings in my town, has a street named after them, and basically owns the O.C. I dislike his candidacy for two reasons: first, if you have that much power in the town, do you really need to be on the city council? and second, he's basically a schill for the mayor (who I will be voting for, but I think you need dissenting voices).

So, this guy paid a company to hire people to hold campaign signs on election day. It looks like people totally support him, but really, he just bought some friends. Something smells here.

The Coolest Video I've Seen Lately

And here I've been wasting my time doing homework. Where are my priorities?

PS - Meemoo, I blame you and Mr. for even making me care enough to watch this (click on the title to see!).

Why Having 3 Kids is Awesome

My kitchen is now home to what is likely my body-weight in candy. I love it.

Make sure you visit Meemoo to see more proof of how much better a mother she is.

Get Me a Freaking Match

Today marked the beginning of week 10. Let me say that with all the work and stress, I am still loving it. Except for my Monday night class: Free Speech in Society. This is a class that I should love. It's political science-ish mixed in with cultural effects of 1st Amendment rulings in the Supreme Court.

The problem? you ask. Well, the class is made up of six people, including me. A newlywed couple, two guys from CA and two women auditing the class prior to matriculation for the MA program. The two women have mentioned to me that they feel uncomfortable in the class because the other four talk over them constantly and make them feel stupid. I hate being in class with these four people.

They are the worst kind of academics: never worked or had any life experience outside of school (unless you count the 3 months one spent living in London) and they are absolutist on everything.

It is not often I am the most conservative person in the room, but these people make me look like Rush Limbaugh. Actual quotes include:

"Yes, we should burn down the university and give the land back to the people we stole it from."
"I'd love to burn a flag every day because it represents a fascist government."

Ugh! The thing that totally bugs me about people like Ann Coulter and Sean Hannity is their complete inability to recognize subtle shades of gray in social issues. Not everything is black and white and you cannot live life as though it is. Well, these folks are the liberal equivalent of those nut jobs.

I just want to burn down their sweet little ivory tower.

How Sweep It Is

Red Sox sweep Colorado! Woot-woot!!



PS: (Sorry about the pun, it had to be done.)
PPS: To the Numismatist, Mr. Numismatist, Nancy and Anna - my sympathies.

Goldmine

Brace yourself for the most exciting news, EVER! I have downloaded the written transcript of the Senate and House floor debates on McCain-Feingold (Bipartisan Campaign Reform Act) of 2002.

If you would like to join me in content analyzing these transcripts for semiotic differences in the terms used to help identify ideological biases - specifically related to the First Amendment and money as speech/expression... please, just let me know.






Fine. Mr. Eris wasn't thrilled about it either.

Finally!

I drove home from work though snow tonight. Lots of really good, wet snow. I almost stopped the car to get out and let the flakes fall on my tongue.

I love Fall and Winter. Summer can kiss it.

It's My Turn... Again

K of the Michigan cuzes was tagged, and she asked that I play along. I love her, and I feel that I owe some folks something positive on here (I worry that I've done nothing but complain to you, my blogging family).

So, here's my new list of random things:

1. I sometimes fear that I am living in my own version of the Truman Show. Is that odd or narcisistic... or both?

2. I can eat an entire bag/container/carton/etc. of the following items in one sitting: Doritos, cookie dough, pink & white circus animal crackers, Pepsi, eggnog, Aunt Paula's chocolates, saltine crackers. I can't eat most of these things anymore, but if I did - I could polish em off!

3. I can't sleep without a blanket on me. If I try, I dream that I am being attacked by sharks.

4. I have never done all my visiting teaching more than two months in a row.

5. The Numismatist once told me that I have "the ability to make people want to kill themselves, regardless of my words, just by the tone of my voice." I like to think that's a compliment.

6. I sometimes wish I had sowed my wild oats before I got married. I was young and innocent enough when I got married that I don't think I even had oats - so I never got to make it (sorry Mom) with some foxy, long-haired hippy river guide named Chase. And, yes, I realize that was very specific.

7. I don't like gravy on my mashed potatoes. I prefer to eat them with corn.

8. My shirts must all hang facing the same direction on the hanger and be arranged by shade in rainbow order. Same thing with the pants.

9. I have a strong fear of the Nincompoop syndrome. If I can make it to 32 without going certifiable, I'll have beaten the curse.

10. I can play Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon with anyone. I have never been beaten. 8 years of Blockbuster, baby! I may be a little rusty now, but I'll bet I'm still a top-tier competitor.

Ok, I'm supposed to tag other people now that I'm done, but the only person I know who I haven't seen do this is Steph B. So, I'd like my sour tummy buddy to add her own list.

Praying for the Sweet Release of Death

I like to think I am pretty tough. I generally handle pain pretty well, and I have lived my life convinced of the fact that if I had to knock someone out I could do it. Last night tested my view of myself.

It started on Saturday with a little headache. Yesterday it was still there, but I thought I could make it through work and then take a nap at home and be done. By the time I got home at 7 I was bushed. By 8 I was hunched over the toilet jamming a toothbrush down my throat. By 8:15 I was curled up on my bed crying. Finally, at 8:45 I told Mr. Eris I needed to go to the hospital.

Three natural child births and I have never experienced pain like this. And I couldn't breathe my way out of it.

We spent 3 hours in the ER where they gave me a CT scan. Then they gave me a shot of Imitrex, which I normally don't like because it leaves me with a nasty post-headache-headache. But this time I took it gratefully.

Then the nicest man in the whole world gave me a shot for nausea and pain and to help me sleep. This was the best damn shot I have ever had - even though my bum still hurts. I want to marry that man.

So today I am sitting on my bed eating (something I couldn't do yesterday!) and working on homework. I am extending my fall break one more day, as I am not allowed to drive with all this happy shot still in my system.

PS - The Numismatist took care of all the Little Erises and she is thrilled because she now knows what I would be like drunk. Apparently, I am a happy drunk who cannot make it up the stairs and must be carried in giggling like a child.

Numb3rs

For anyone keeping track...

5: reams of paper used this semester (my carbon footprint is HUGE!)
3: ink cartridges used this semester (I did not factor this into the cost of school
3: days left of Fall Break (I have seriously never loved a break so much in all my life)
4: days at work this week so far, 4 shoplifters caught or barely missed (people are evil)
1: friend in the ER (we have got to get her down to only one medical emergency a year)
1: friend whose father recently committed a grizzly murder (she was on t.v. and then went straight back to AZ - smart girl)
2: job interviews for Mr. Eris (things are actually looking better)

Add your own number. I am going to enjoy my day off tomorrow!

Where the Proud Pipers Play

Remember the plaid heels? And how I mentioned that I have the matching flat Mary Janes? Well, I was wearing the plaid flats today at work and the cutest little couple came in to shop for shoes.

Um, the cutest little SCOTTISH couple! As I was ringing them up I said, "Ok, I have to tell you that I went to Ben Lomond High School and we were the Fighting Scots." They were very impressed. And then I showed them my shoes.

Long story short: I now have a place to stay if I ever visit Scotland. Oh yeah.

PS - Numismatist and Big Sis: I wore my contacts today. So far, so good.

Sometimes Patting Your Head Just Isn't Enough

Tonight was a birthday party. The Numismatist and her sister, Always28 (as I have dubbed her) share a birthday and so we got together with all of my extended family. It was all my cousins - except C and K, who were sorely missed - and all their children.

Great cake, and always nice to hang out with everyone. But, Littlest Ms. Eris was not at her best.

She fell asleep on the drive there and got maybe a 20 minute nap. Then she woke up surrounded by my uncle and his two sons. Now, my uncle is a fox, always has been (he married Always28) so you'd think any girl would love to wake up looking at him. Um, not so much for the LME.

Littlest Ms. Eris never quite recovered. She was in a small, hot house (not a hothouse) with a bunch of people she hardly knows and she was not happy about it. Not even the cupcake she inhaled made her happy. In addition to nap thing, she is also cutting her last two teeth, so pleasant was not in her vocabulary.

Here's the problem. I had to spend two hours listening to people describe the Littlest Ms. as "pretty glass half empty" and "just naturally unpleasant." And some of these folks don't even know the kid! I am the first to describe her as a challenge, but it was kind of a bummer to watch everyone relish how unhappy she was.

Excuse me! Over-bearing mom, coming through!

UPDATE: We have been home for an hour, and I am happy to report that after two children's Tylenol she is on her way to being nice. Acetimenophin rocks! Those teeth look pretty mean, though.

Where Was Your Mother in 1974?

I have made a friend at school. We will call her "Roy" because I am certain she is the sibling my mother never knew about (movie reference, there). Anyway, this girl is two years older than I and she has quite a few physical characteristics that resemble my paternal family:

1. Tall
2. Thin
3. Identical smile (you know the one that shows your gums. Man I hated that smile when I was a kid.)
4. Prominent nose
5. Bares the feminine version of the Nincompoop's name...

I have told her that I suspect we are related, but I'm not sure how to tactfully ask her if her mother frequented any Navy bases in the the mid-70s. Does Hallmark make a card like that?

I am enjoying working with this woman, but I miss my friends outside of school.
Mrs. Diamond and I don't get to talk except at the shoe store.
Mrs. Frysauce? Haven't seen her since May.
The Duchess and I have agreed we should eat lunch together. I'm thinking we'll get to it in 2009...

Can I Get Some Help Here?

I am working on my first true assignment for school. This is not the usual read 100 pages for class and participate in discussion work (which is unfortunate because I am rather gifted at that, even when I haven't read it all). NOOOOO, this is a write a 5-page essay type of assignment.

Um, does anyone have a Free Speech Philosophy I can borrow? I have to write five whole pages on my philosophy on free speech, and I don't know how to stretch "I can say whatever I want. The rest of you shut your pie holes" to five pages.

Maybe if I use a really big font....

Checking In

Not much to say here. School - Work - School - Work - Home - School - Work.

Repeat.

Um, Littlest Ms. Eris asked to go potty in the toilet for the first time tonight. She's gone before, but we had to ask her. Cross your fingers. This one may make it before she's two!

Little Mr. Eris and I finished HP #1 last week. He liked it so much we have started #2. He asked to read 3 chapters tonight!

Little Ms. Eris is plugging along. What a firecracker!

As for me, I am happily stressed to the max with school. Interestingly, I found out yesterday, through chatting with some of my fellow students, that there are people in my cohort who got a master's without writing a thesis or doing a project. They "comped" out. My fellow students were shocked to find out that for my masters I was required to write a thesis and take 8 hours of comprehensive exams with a 2 hour defense. I plan on writing my former department and asking when my second diploma arrives?!

Seriously, though, the other folks seemed kind of jealous that I had lived through that fire so I'll be passing along my thanks to the people who tortured me at USU (a la the fab job the Duchess did torturing me in preparation for my work in grad school).

I'll be checking in again soon. Feel free to email or call if you miss me.

Oh, and love and good vibes should be sent to the GP in S.M. Two words "bladder scrape." Yuck.

Miss Baltimore Crabs

I have been jamming out. I got the soundtrack to "Hairspray" yesterday (how much do I LOVE f.y.e.'s buy-back policy?!) and I have been singing along in my car all day. I am a huge fan of musicals, and as I've mentioned before I like to practice for my big Broadway debut in my car.

There is a method to the rehearsing:
1. I pick the part I think I could reasonably pull off
2. I listen through once, trying not to sing along
3. I then listen over and over and over and over again, singing along at the top of my powerful lungs.
4. I start over with a new cd.

"Hairspray" has presented me with an unpleasant reality... I am now too old to sing along to the Tracy Turnblatt or Penny parts without feeling completely ridiculous. I could probably pull of the Queen Latifa songs, but I'm not black, so we're back at square one.

Anyhow, I must face the fact that I am now old enough to play the mom roles. So, I will proudly learn "Miss Baltimore Crabs" and imagine myself looking fabulous in the costumes she gets to wear.

Suggestions...

I logged on to my Umail account today - it's where ALL the U information is found, and addressed directly to me. I have been avoiding this for a couple of weeks, because it has my tuition bill on there. But tuition is due next week and I thought I'd better bite the bullet. Which leads me to the following:

Where can I pick up an extra 2k in the next 4 days?
Seriously, how much blood would I have to donate?
I have an extra kidney here that's doing absolutely nothing.

Send suggestions... or donations ~wink~

Numismatist, you are now free to comment (NOT ON THE SHOES!).

From the Green Scottish Hills

In case you were wondering: I am a size 8 and yes, they are already on hold. Now I just have to figure out what I need to be rewarded for so I can bring them home.

PS - Can you believe I have these in a flat Mary Jane?

NO comments from the Numismatist are allowed on this one.

Beat This

I decided to "google" myself tonight. I am not well-known for my scholarship, but I found this.

I will be using this in my Christmas card this year.

Mom of the Year

Today Mr. Eris and I took the kids swimming. By the kids, I mean our three kids and the Little Meemoos. The Meemoos have been staying with us for the last 2 days. Super fun!

So we took the kids swimming and had a blast. While there, the Numismatist bought all the gang Creamies. Yum. So I'm wiping melted Creamie off tiny people, and I realize some of them have wandered off. I get up to see if the Little Meemoos are all still above water. I was not concerned about the Little Erises because they spend more time at the pool than they do at home and they know the rules.

The life guard is in the water, pulling out a child. It's the Littlest Ms. Eris. She had followed Little Mr. and Little Ms. Eris - both fine swimmers - to the edge of the pool and decided to jump in. She wasn't in there long, and when he pulled her out she coughed a bit, cried for 5 minutes and then wanted to get right back in the water.

The damage was all maternal. I cannot sit still without thinking about her sinking in the water. I can't stop cursing myself for being so careless. And I can't forgive myself for being such a bad mom.

I like to think I make up for it by keeping them bathed?

3 Down, A Billion To Go

I have completed my first three days of orientation to school.

Day 1: Awesome. My Dept. Chair gave inspirational opening remarks that made me a bit verklempt, actually. She spoke of the pride we should feel for being there - "No imposters here. We chose you," the humility we should feel for the being there - "You're here because others were not selected. Also, you are here thanks to the opportunities you have been afforded in life," (shout out to Mr. and Mrs. Numismatist) and the responsibilities we will have while there and after we finish "You will have doors open to you that others would never dream of."

Day 2: Horrifying. Starting to realize that this is at least a 4-year commitment I have just made. Am I ready to do this AGAIN?

Day 3: Meh. About teaching - but as I have not been selected to teach this semester the seminar was basically useless for my immediate needs.

So, I'll keep you posted. For those of you keeping track: Breakdowns = 1.

I Guess We'd Better Start Saving for College

Today we got the letter from Little Mr. Eris's school. This is the letter that tells us who will be his teacher for the next year. I requested Mrs. Miller (she taught there when I was a Falcon and she's the choir director - I feel strongly that Little Mr. Eris should be part of choir in his early years. A nod to the Numismatist, likely).

Anyway, as I read the letter, I laughed at the boneheads in charge of educating my child. They put him in a 5th Grade class. Um, hello? The kid is 9 years-old. That's 4th Grade. You know the one that comes after 3rd Grade (the grade he finished last year!). Then I notice the little pink note that came with the letter:

"Your student Jacob has been assigned to a fourth/fifth split class. One of the purposes of this class is to give independent learners a chance for some extended learning opportunities. Each grade will cover their core curriculum requirements, and they will also have the opportunity to broaden and deepen their learning experience beyond the basics."

I don't mean to be one of those kind of parents, but I can't stop smiling. He's smart! I am so proud!

Question

If a dog ate my marriage certificate, does this mean I can date again?

Svarnyk and Byll

Tonight was our big family night: roller skating! It was Patient Appreciation Night for our foxy orthodontist, so the skating and pizza were on the house. Well, technically we pay $210 a month for the priviledge of rolling around in a circle wearing shoes hundreds of strangers have worn previously. It was magical, but that is not the story.

As we were getting ready to go, Mr. Eris was taking the kids to the counter to cash in their prize tickets and I waited off to the side with the Littlest Ms. Eris. While waiting, I found a $1 bill! As I scanned the carpet for more cash, I saw a cigarette pack. I wasn't sure if it was empty, and I waited for a while to see if anyone would claim it. I stood there debating how badly I wanted to actually bend over and pick up this pack, three teenagers came walking by...

One of them picked up the pack, smiled, put the pack in his pocket, and walked on. I was mortified and immediately felt guilty that I hadn't picked it up before this little punk got to it. I decided to keep an eye on where he was and as soon as Mr. Eris got back I was going to ditch my kid and go after the smoker.

As luck would have it, he came back my way before Mr. Eris got back.

I looked at him and said, "Hey. That thing you put in your pocket? Gimme it." He smiled sheepishly and handed them over. Not a word of protest. What could he say? He knew he was busted.

Now for the best part. When Mr. Eris came back I waved the pack in front of him. He was puzzled, so I quickly told him the story, but not before all the kids (including our friends' kids who we had brought along for the fun) came back.

Little Mr. Eris said, "What's that?"
"Don't worryy about it," I replied.
"Are those cigarettes?" he asked.
"Yes," I said.
"WHY ARE YOU SMOKING?! YOU SHOULDN'T BE SMOKING!!" he yelled.

I explained the situation. Then I walked out, experiencing one of the proudest parenting moments I have ever had.

What's Your Power?

This is awesome.

I think my power would have to be that I am exceptionally loud, especially my laugh. Combine this with my general inappropriateness, and I have the uniqe ability to disturb virtually any sitation.

PS - The horse whisperer's house has a "For Sale" sign in the yard!!!!! Anyone willing to buy this house would have my eternal gratitude.

Smart People

I spent the last two days at a communication conference hosted by my department. It was my first conference. Ever.

I enjoyed it, listening to smart people using big words, most of them in an order that made it especially difficult to understand.

The reason I went was basically to brown nose. As I mentioned earlier, it was hosted by my department, and they needed volunteers to help with registration. I figured this would be a good way to get my name out there and I'd get a chance to attend the conference, too!

So, here are the highlights of the day:
1. I met a woman who has put into words my final goal: rhetorical leadership. This is the idea that communication scholars can take their research to government representatives, public entities, and anyone else who needs to communicate with the public and teach them how to effectively communicate with their various publics. Is this not awesome?!
2. I met a couple of professors from my new department. They seem nice, but they're no Duchess.
3. I met a couple of students who are entering their second year in the program. Got lots of advice and am feeling very frightened but marginally up to the challenge.
4. To the man who sat behind me at the 3:30 seminar: Please stop crinkling your paper repeatedly. It is very disturbing!! Oh, and taking your shoes off during the presentations may be super comfortable for you, but it's nauseating for those of us sitting around you. Were you raised in a barn?

I think that's all. Countdown to school: 10 days to orientation, 17 days to first day of class!

A Royal Welcome

Not to steal anyone's thunder, but just in case any of my internet family was wondering: The Duchess has a Little Lady. She's beautiful and all is well with the entire Royal Family.

Send internet love.

Meemee. Meemee mee mee meemee.

So I cut my hair again. It was a little too long after the last cut, so I called my "stylist" and had her cut it again. Really short. Like an inch long short.

I love it. It's so easy to do and it's really different.

Here's the problem: I have a very long neck and a long-ish face, so I need some width in my hair to balance me out. I have realized I look like Beaker from the Muppets with my hair this short. In a week, after it's grown in just enough, I'll be totally in love. Until then, I dare you to say I don't look just like this guy.

Bittersweet

Finished H.P. #7.
It took 36 hours.
It was perfect (including the epilogue).
Rowling is a genius.

I won't spoil anything if I tell Tomorrow and the Duchess that there are a few moments of naked Harry... aren't you just dying for the movie?

Check in when you finish - I'm ready to talk to someone about it!

Jackie and Dunlap

I stumbled across this while looking for Obama Girl on YouTube. Can you tell I'm working hard? Stick it out to the very end, there's a real gem.

These guys for president!

Should We Give Them a Symbol?

A couple of weeks ago the Numismatist asked me a question: "Why do you call the girls 'Little Mrs. and Littlest Mrs. Eris?'"

Being a lefty, communist, bra-burning, feminist, this had already been bugging me for a while, but it took my mother to fling me into action. Why was I assigning them gender roles so early in life? Why, when one of them has already displayed alternative lifestyle tendencies, am I assuming they will both be Mrs.? Also, I never check the Mrs. box when filling out a form - I always call myself Ms. - so where did the Mrs. come from?

So, in the future, you will know the gals as Little Ms. Eris and Littlest Ms. Eris. I think this will be a smooth transition to make, but I'm wondering if they should have symbols like Prince did when he changed his name...

victory

Confession: I have been cyber-stalking someone. Not in a charming way, like my interest in the Duchess's friend Tomorrow, but actively checking on someone who doesn't want me checking on them.

I am now claiming victory over this weakness. It has been quite a while since I cyber-stalked this person, and I can report that my habit of visiting the nausea-inducing website has been quashed.

Note to Nincompoop: Do whatever you want, from now on. Don't know, don't care.

It's the small victories that count in this one.

A Peek Into My Core

I feel that this pretty much explains my philosophy of life

Warning: There is a little language in here. But today, I actually agree with the language, too.

I'm Not Going to Explain This

Nincompoop.

Tagged

Screw the rules. No one left to tag, so here's my stuff.

1. When I was “little” people called me Winchell. I was fat (Numismatist, please don’t argue). I had a roll of fat around my neck that made me look like I swallowed a donut, so people called me Winchell. I kind of like it.
2. I have always dreamed of singing on Broadway. I still like to practice in my car.
3. I have had three babies with no medication during the birth. Lest you think I am some sort of granola woman who believes in an all-natural, organic birthing experience let me share this: I do not breast-feed (my breasts are strictly recreational), I watch movies through the entire labor (mostly SNL until the end when I need calm and beauty, then it’s Sense & Sensibility), and I love, love, love percocet after the birth – it’s the only reason I have babies!
4. I said the “F” word in a high school assembly. I still feel guilty about it.
5. I was a cheerleader in high school, and like the Duchess, am very proud of it. I acted like a goof, but I looked hot and it scored me Mr. Eris.
6. I do everything in patterns or even amounts. I cannot leave a list partially finished – it must be exactly half-finished or completely done. I eat M&Ms in even numbers by color order (red, yellow, green, blue, brown); if there is an odd number, I give the left-overs away. This is true of all my activities – it must be symmetrical, by height, by color, chronological, or in some sort of order that makes sense to me.
7. I actually like going to church, and I’ve liked it since I was 14. This is probably because in my family, the best way to rebel is to go to church and be a good girl, so that’s how I stuck it to my parents.
8. I bare no resemblance, whatsoever, to the family I see most. At family reunions or events in Utah, I look adopted and people can’t remember my name because they think I’m an in-law. But in California, I can be identified instantly be people who knew my family 40 years ago but have never met me. It’s rather odd.

Now, since the Duchess tagged me and the only other blogger I know – the PG Meemoo – I am changing the rules a bit. Anyone who reads this, including the Numismatist, Big Sis, Fry Sauce, etc., should comment back with at least three random facts.

I can’t wait to see where this goes…

Utah County - meh.

It's 11:53 pm. I just got home after leaving the house at 7:30 a.m. We had a big day.

First, we drove to Provo where we participated in an adopt a highway clean-up project for my favorite radio station. "We" means the whole family. Mr. Eris joined, pulling the wagon with Little and Littlest Mrs. Eris. Little Mr. Eris was also there, and he made quick friends with another Little Mr. They raced along the road to each piece of trash and talked non-stop about how awesome Pirates 3 was and how totally awesome Transformers is going to be. The girls were little troopers, and I found an old pair of men's underwear. Most importantly though, we helped the community - yay us!

After that three hour activity, we loaded back into the van and headed out for some real excitement: visiting the new IKEA. Words cannot describe this place. It's a zoo, but an organized zoo. We walked the whole store, ate at the very reasonably priced and quite tasty cafe and then the kicker - the Swedish food market. FYI, Mr. Eris spent two years in Sweden on a religiously affiliated, extended vacation, so he's in LOOOOOOOVE with the IKEA already. But now we find out they have all his favorite Swedish foods for an affordable price (unlike the snooty Scandinavian Store in Downtown SLC that charges $5 for a dang candy bar!). Mr. Eris is getting chocolate and cookies and yucky licorice treats for Father's Day. Oh, and bonus points to the IKEA for offering free diapers and wipes for parents who run out - I didn't need it, but it was nice to know it was there.

Next we decided to hit the other big draw in Utah County: Cabela's. Let me stop right here and confess that I do not enjoy shopping in stores of death. Stores with dead animals hanging on the walls and posed in "natural" scenes aren't exactly my forte. But Cabela's is supposed to be amazing, and we needed a Father's Day present for my F-I-L, who does enjoy the stores of death, so I went. Big Sister will no doubt have lots to say about this, but I really don't see the big deal. It's the same thing as Sportsman's Warehouse only with a bigger dead animal atrium in the middle. Seriously, I walked this whole store and at the end felt very unimpressed. Had the IKEA raised my expectations to unrealistic heights? Posbbily. Maybe if I had a stronger affection for camouflage?

Finally, we celebrated Father's Day with Mr. Eris's grandfather. This is an 84-year-old man on oxygen who could take any dang one of you in an arm wrestle. Seriously, he has hands like bear paws (and I should know having been up close and personal with several bear carcases earlier at Cabela's). It was a nice evening, and I came home with two handkerchiefs hand-tatted by Mr. Eris's grandmother. They will be nice keepsakes for the Little and Littlest Mrs. Eris.

So that was my day. I am so tired I can't stay awake, but my legs ache so much I can't sleep. What are ya gonna do?

At the Movies: How Tinseltown Scared the Poop Out of Little Mr. Eris

So, we went to the movies on Friday. We bought tickets a week in advance to make sure we had seats for the 8 o'clock showing of the new Pirates of the Caribbean. {The movie was alright, nowhere near the first but it had lots of action, some great moments, and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE any movie that has an Empire Strikes Back type of conclusion.}

Anywho.... during the climactic battle scene of the movie, where all the action and a lot of the plot tying up happens, lights start flashing. I look around, thinking someone was taking pictures.

Nope. Fire Alarm.

Little Mr. Eris grabs my hand and says, "We have to go." He then begins walking out, quickly. Keep in mind, this is a packed theater, and NO ONE is exiting the theater during the fire alarm.

The movie stopped.

We get out into the hall and several super-helpful employees who are waiting to clean another theater ask what the problem is. I explain the fire alarm is going off and one looks at me and says, "Oh, it's probably just a false alarm."

Thanks. That helps. "Could you maybe check it out?"

The manager asks me what the problem is, and I explain. He makes it all better by telling me they are going to rewind the movie so we didn't miss anything.

Yeah, I don't think so. We got some rainchecks.

Little Mr. Eris then became ready to go back in and finish the movie. But he is now too scared to sit in the theater. He insists that we stand next to the emergency exit for the last 20 minutes of the movie.

Interestingly, no one ever came in to inform the crowd about the fire alarm. Something like 200 people sat through the fire alarm, never moving, I assume because they didn't want to lose their seat. Does this not seem like a danger to anyone else?

PS:
Google lists no horse therapy program or Big Bear anything in Farmington or Eden, which with time and distance will probably seem a lot funnier than it does right now (although the Numismatist is already finding humor). I'll fill you in sometime in July or August. Seriously, I need time.

And finally,
Warning: Geek Alert. How in the world could they have this list and not include Heath Ledger? He's naturally beautiful, an amazing actor, and he kissed Jake Gyllenhall. Ummmm, gay cowboys...

I'm Still Laughing

Ok, so I stumbled across this and felt compelled to share. I love to sing along to these when they're on the radio.

Favorite lines:
"My left arm feels tingly."
"You have a choice: fill your gas tank or relieve the national debt."
"Or is it stalagtites?"

Happenings and Goings On:

A lot’s been happening in the land of Eris lately that I feel is of note. Let’s see, how about I go chronologically…

1. Spent the weekend in Pocatello with Meemoo, Mr. Meemoo and the little Meemoos. A lovely time. I felt particularly comfortable in Pokey because, as I understand it, Pocatello is the armpit of Idaho and I live in Ogden, the armpit of Utah. Nice little town.

2. Meemoo gave me the best gift ever: a Neil Diamond concert program from his 1992 tour purchased at the D.I. Seriously? The only way it could be better is if it were the program from the 1986 tour (Nincompoop!).

3. Saw Spiderman 3. Um, it totally rocked. Cheesy? Yes. But so are the comic books and cartoons.

4. Getting pumped to head back to work at the shoe store. I have decided (rather, the University of Utah has) that full-time employment will be necessary during my first couple of semesters of school. That being said, a high-stress job rife with deadlines and angst is not the way to go. I am opting for a job I can do in my sleep: retail middle management. Plus, I’ll be surrounded by shoes, thus helping me achieve a zen-like peace at work. BONUS!

5. Little Mr. Eris played his first big-boy little league game on Monday. He was up to bat once: walk. Then he stole second. Then he stole third. Then he stole home. Woot!

6. I mowed my lawn yesterday. No, that is not a dirty metaphor. I used a lawnmower for the first time in my life last night and I rocked! Mr. Eris is feeling a little blue, as he is now basically superfluous. I mean, now that I can mow the lawn, what essential job function does he perform? Oh, yeah. Nevermind – HE STAYS. ~Notice how that became dirty at the end?~

7. I am rocking out to Cher as I type. Dark Lady is my new theme song.

8. Eris is going to be begging the City of Ogden (referenced above) to not throw the book at her. Doggy time-out is expensive, but the misdemeanor charges, that’s where they really getcha.

9. Send internet love to Hobbes. If Donovan McNabb can make his way back, so can you, buddy!

10. Red Sox: 1st in the AL East and topping the pinstripes by 6 games. Woot-woot!

Screw the Title

I was sitting at my desk, discussing something - I'm sure it was very important - with a co-worker. Two clients came walking in, and one started talking to my "roommate" while the other stood behind me.

YANK.

My hair was in a huge clump in "Sue's" hand. She said nothing, just kept pulling. It took two co-workers to convince her to let go of my hair.

I have injured my arm somehow while trying to keep her from literally pulling my hair out. It hurts to type. There is a shooting pain from my elbow to my wrist.

work is fun

On Betty Buckley and Bruised Egos

Last night I spent two hours hanging with my mom, the Numismatist. Stop laughing – she’s cool. Her best friend from high school was visiting, along with her daughter and granddaughter, and we all hung out. It was nice.

Numy (as she will now be known because I’m not going to type “numismatist” ever again!) and her friend spent the night reminiscing, while her daughter and I discussed the intricacies of wheat-free diets and B.U. It was lovely.

As I sat there I thought of how nice it is to sit with friends and talk about whatever comes up. Seriously, we went from the pros and cons of fry sauce, to a drunk woman groping me, to the fact that I had met my new friend once before but forgot about her because I was too focused on her hot Hawaiian brother, to a minute-by-minute run down of LDS wedding nights (nervous and slow to get started seems to be the trend).

It made me sad that these two women live far away – but happy that one of them is moving to Arizona. I look forward to seeing them again, and my new sour-tummy-buddy will definitely be a new email friend (and hopefully a frequent visitor to this site).

Other goings on include the email I got today that led to a phone call that notified me that I will not be funded for school this fall. Oh Maaaaaan. Now what? I’ll tell you. Eris will be taking the class “Teaching Comm in College” and will very likely be the only person in there who won’t actually be teaching in college. BUT I will be applying again in January and this class, as well as a stellar letter from the instructor, should help me land something. Right? And needless to say, there will be student loans. Damn.

PS - Bonus love to the first post that explains the title of this post~

Quiet, Please

No one say a word about what happened on Heroes last night. I won't know until Saturday when Mr. Eris and I can watch our taped (yes, taped - NOT tivoed) version.

He had better get a day job.

Speechless

Ummmm... does anyone know how much a plasma computer monitor costs? I think I ruined mine when I repeatedly kissed it and rubbed my cheek on it while watching this.

Duchess, just move along without comment.

Crap

So, my right eye hurts. It feels like I have a bruise - and yet, I do not have a bruise.

I think I might have pink eye.

Now where in the world do you think I could have caught that?

UPDATE:
So, upon further review, pink eye does not seem to be the culprit. You may ask how I reached this conclusion? Two reasons:
1. No yucky discharge. My eye is goop free.
2. I have not been peeing in the street.

I am now fairly convinced this eye problem is a result of wearing contacts meant to be used for one month for.... um... five months. Ooops.

It's a Girl!

Send out some internet love to baby Ava. She's big and beautiful!

Family is Forever

If that is true, I'm in for a long eternity...

Grounded.

Tonight I went downstairs to get something and noticed that the items from Mr. Eris's poker night - LAST THURSDAY - were still all over the family room.

Card table
Poker table top
Movies all over the floor
Food on the floor (which I discovered thanks to a well-organized trail of ants leading to and from the food)

You get the picture. He had friends over, with my blessing, and they trashed the joint.

Now, he has been working on the basement bathroom - Heaven love him. He keeps all three of our kids alive during the day. These are valid points, and I understand the guy is busy, but when I saw that mess I wanted to destroy him.

Maybe it's because I'm tired and cranky. It might be stress. It could be the fact that I spent three hours on Saturday cleaning our van because it looked like he had brutally murdered a 12-pack of Dr. Pepper in there {he now wears a hazmat suit and spreads a tarp whenever he's in the van}.

I love the guy, but I swear if he makes a mess like this again (the van or the family room) he will lose all priviledges: no phone, no video games, no tv, nothing.

Is it sad that the punishments I use for the kids work on the dad?

An RFP

Today at work I had a moment of panic. Without divulging too much, I can safely tell you that I had the chance to apply for some funding, but because I never received information on the application process and I didn’t HOUND someone about the process, I ended up doing a quickie application and throwing three people into a tailspin at noon today.

This sucks.

I hate that I inconvenienced others. I hate that I looked like a disorganized, flighty moron. I hate that I didn’t stalk the guy who had the information I needed (further evidence that I dislike the begging for money portion of my job). But most of all, I hate that now that I have made this completely correctible error, I cannot get rid of the knot in my stomach.

So my internets, I am issuing an RFP: submit a proposal detailing how you would teach Eris to be ok with her mistakes. Include a plan for long-term mistakes (i.e. the lie I told my friends in 6th grade, that I immediately confessed to them, but still feel guilty about!) as well as a plan for imaginary mistakes (I actually went to my bishop once because I was worried that I may have committed a sin years ago – it ended with him sort of laughing at me).

What I’m looking for is a strategy for not getting caught up in this kind of stuff. Why can’t I be more like Mr. Eris who called in sick for work yesterday so he could host his buddies for poker night? He had no guilt, whatsoever. I feel like I need to fast for forgiveness just because I didn’t stop him.

Submit immediately. I’d like to get a good nights sleep sometime soon.

A Love Note

Dear Person Who Stole My Credit Card Number:

I hope you enjoy the purchases you made from Bed, Bath & Beyond and Home Depot on my Target Visa. Hopefully, you purchased ice cube trays and a fan - it's going to be hot down there.

Sincerely,
Eris

Exactly How Old is Dirt, Anyway?

I had one of those violent-shove-into-reality experiences today. The scene: an off-site visit with two co-workers, each of whom is slightly (less than 8 years) younger than I. While off-site, I saw a t-shirt that read, “You might be older than dirt if…” and then proceeded to list several items, a few of which I will share with you now.
- You remember candy cigarettes
- You remember soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
- You remember S&H Green Stamps

Now, there were others on the list that I recognized, and probably half of the list meant nothing to me.

As I laughed and thought out loud about my fond memories of getting busted with candy cigarettes, buying glass bottles out of the JMM pop machine, and the books of Green Stamps my mom collected, my co-workers looked at me with a combination of sadness and pity.

They had NEVER seen a glass pop bottle?! They didn’t know about Green Stamps?!?! Imagine trying to explain Green Stamps to someone who is too young to remember wooden nickels or the Brady Bunch episode where the boys want to use the Green Stamps to buy a canoe and the girls want to buy a new oven, but they learn to compromise and buy a new t.v. It’s almost impossible!

So, here’s my theory: the generation gap lies somewhere between 1977 and 1979. Both of my co-workers were born in 1981 and they had no idea what I was talking about. As further evidence, I recall a friend born in 1980 who stared blankly when I told him about vinyl and record players and just last week I had someone ask me, “Airplane? Is that like a movie or something?”

Help me out, internet loves… Was it all really that long ago?

So That Happened

I'm walking down the hall at work.

A client you've met before comes up to me and stands right next to me.

She mutters, "You're gonna die."

nice.

My Weekend

Little Mr. Eris turned 9 over the weekend. He's getting so big - like a gross boy.
Anyway... last year we started a new tradition for his birthday: nordic sports. He likes to snowboard, which I completely disagree with because I have been a skier since I was 3. Snowboarding is the sissy way. But I had to let the kid board because the Newbie boards and Little Mr. Eris worships the Newbie. So my kid is now a knuckle-dragger - practically the missing link.

Aside from the fundamental disagreement over whether snowboarding is, in fact, a sport, we had a great day. It was warm, so it was kind of like skiing through a slurpie.

Fortunately, Little Mrs. Eris is still young enough that I can force her to ski.
I spent half the day skiing down the mountain backwards saying this: "Pizza slice. [pause] PIZZA SLICE. [pause] PIZZA SLICE!!" While I yelled this she put her skis together and parallel and skied as fast as she could straight down the mountain. The backwards skiing did give me a great calf workout. Love her!

PS - Welcome back Duchess!

The Geek G-Spot

Ok, Meemoo and Loki: Check this out

All the rest of you, you'll most likely want to just move along.

WARNING: STOP THE VIDEO BEFORE YOU GET TO THE CAT ME IF YOU CAN SONG. THAT'S NOT YOUR PURPOSE.

Welcome Back, Baby

Happy to report that Mabel is back from her 10-day doggy time-out. She is a bit more reserved than she used to be, but other than that she's great and the vet has given her a clean bill of health.

Now... if I could just convince Mr. Eris that she is no longer an "outside" dog!

Better than W.

Well, the final decision is in. I have been weighed and measured, and have been sent the following:

I am sorry to inform you that our admissions committee decided against offering you admission into our program.... This means that some applicants were not admitted because they were competing against others who had similar interests and offered an equally strong, if not stronger, fit with our department.
See ya, wouldn't want to be ya,
the University of Washington.

and...

Your academic background and interests appear to be a good match with the research interests and strengths of our facutly, and we look forward to welcoming you as a member of our department community.
Hugs and kisses,
the University of Utah.

So, Utahns love me. Washingtonians, not so much. I read each letter with a mixture of apprehension and relief. It's good to know that I got in somewhere, and it's great to know I don't have to move or pay for babysitting while I try to do this ~wink~.

In the final analysis, though, all that matters is that my approval rating is 50%. That is 13 points better than the President of the United States at last count.

PS - I promised my mom I wouldn't tell her about this while she was in Hawaii. So, shhhhhhhhh. Let's see if she's been checking up on me.

Eris is Torn, Here

Ok, I have a problem with this for a couple of reasons:

1. Is "That's so gay" really the wittiest retort this girl could come up with? She's making the rest of us look bad.
2. Keeping in mind the fact that I love, love, love the gays: you could argue that this dumb girl had no true idea what she was saying. I hear "That's retarded" all the time, and people look shocked when I'm call them on it.
3. How many of the kids who were teasing this girl about being Mormon got a disciplinary note in their file? HMMMMM?!?!?!?
4. Why are her parents asking for "damages?" Just sue for the note to be removed and be done. Don't try to make a dime off this.

Sunday Night

Ok, I hate Sunday night. There's nothing good on t.v. and I have to decide what to wear to work tomorrow. Luckily, I got to watch part of the Oscars.

Is it just me, or shouldn't someone have told Jennifer Hudson that her bra was showing during her musical performance?

I will sell my soul if I can look as good when I'm in my sixties as Helen Mirren does.

I've never seen so many women in tuxedoes. Ellen rules!

I don't care what you say, Ryan Philippe is an idiot and Reese Witherspoon is HOT (yes, I am wearing a tuxedo right now).

I missed out on the Duchess's Oscar Party. Bummer, except that I would have had no shot at winning the pool - I knew nothing about the movies this year. Dang, I miss working at Blockbuster sometimes. But I love my precious celebrities.

Thank you, Betty Friedan

I'm sitting at my house, teaching Little Mr. Eris how to use his new email account and signing him up on Club Penguin (basically, a my space/chatroom for tweens that is heavily moderated). While doing this Little Miss Eris is constantly asking for a chance to type her name... so here you go:
alli

Anyway, while Little Mr. Eris was playing we had the radio on and the Beastie Boys song "Girls" came on. This is Little Miss Eris's favorite song. She twirls around the house singing along, only she changes all the "girls!" to "boys!" which makes me laugh on the outside and fills me with glee on the inside.

Is it possible that Little Miss Eris has learned from the past year that men and women have equal roles? Can I begin to hope that the little girl who once wore so much pink that it looked like a Disney princess actually threw up on her is turning into a little feminist? Has society come along far enough that my daughters will not be looked cross-eyed at when they announce that they are going to work while their husband stays home?

Or am I reading too much into this?

UPDATE: I decided to ask Little Miss Eris why she sings "boys!" during the song and she said the following:

"Because it says 'to do the dishes and laundry' and that's what my daddy does."

Score one for the glassy-eyed Clintonistas!

Random Thoughts

- Meemoo is making a list of songs that should be on the Guitar Hero bonus disc. Please feel free to contribute... Duchess, you are welcome, even though I know you will not join my "Add a Neil song" campaign.
- It never ceases to amaze me the way people can twist a tragedy to make it justify their bonehead ideas. Examples: #1 9-11 led to a war in Iraq? #2 A deranged teen shoots a bunch of people in my favorite SLC mall and now we hate muslims????
- I have turned into Jan Brady at work. "Am I invisible? I had that same idea 2 weeks ago."
- Now that I am home alone on weeknights, I keep the house a lot cleaner and the kids are in bed on time. Seriously? I think Mr. Eris is the biggest troublemaker in the bunch.
- Mr. Eris and I record Monday night t.v. and Thursday night t.v. to watch together on the weekends. This means I can watch Ugly Betty and Grey's Anatomy (Patrick Dempsey has been a crush of mine since I was 15 and saw him mow the lawn shirtless in Can't Buy Me Love). I would give anything to touch Patrick Dempsey's hair!
- Just a minute. I'm still picturing him on that lawmower.....

Ok, I'm back.
- Scissors should not be left around a 4-year-old. The kid is bald.
- Dear Mitt Romney, SSSSSTTTTTTOOOOOOPPPPPPP!!!!
- Only 6 weeks till baseball starts. YAY!
- This is the new soundtrack in my house. If only it mentioned the DS.

I Have Better Hair than All Three of Those People!

Your Aura is Green

You're very driven, competitive, and even a bit jealous. However, you seek out balance in your life - and you usually achieve it! The purpose of your life: inspiring others to be better Famous greens include: Tony Robbins, Donald Trump, Martha Stewart Careers for you to try: Guru, CEO, Talk Show Host

What Color Is Your Aura?

Justified

The best research I've read about in a while.

Status:

Got this today... Stomach is no longer in my throat and has now returned to its rightful place.

Dear Debra Jenson:

The University of Washington Department of Communication has received your complete application for Autumn 2007 graduate admissions. Our Admissions Committee will review your application and notify you of its decision by the middle of March.

Please keep me apprised of any changes in your address, phone, or e-mail in the meantime. If you have any questions about your application, please feel free to contact me at cominfo@u.washington.edu. We appreciate your interest in the Department of Communication.

Sounds like I have a month to go. Hurray!